I'm an adult, and I can eat whatever I want whenever I want, and I wish someone would take this power from me.
— Mike Primavera (@primawesome) May 17, 2014
Injuries as a kid:
fouled on a layup
fell off trampoline
pulled muscle running
Injuries as an adult:
slept wrong
sat too long
coughed
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) July 18, 2016
#recap You might need to look at the picture twice but this kid has worked out a way to watch his iPad hands-freehttps://t.co/5BkYGXovX0 pic.twitter.com/mWh5nZu6VK
— The Poke (@ThePoke) January 15, 2017
Peacock cake for my friend Priya's birthday. Drawn free-hand with royal icing. Will blog decorating tips later tonight #sundaybaking pic.twitter.com/2XzG0SBwTn
— Richard Burr (@RichardPBurr) January 15, 2017
I think ghostwriters do amazing work, but – like illustrators – they should have their name on the cover too, for clarity.
— Matt Haig (@matthaig1) January 14, 2017
Starbucks is hiring squid popes. pic.twitter.com/DfTs2Ku1xA
— Daniel Ralston (@danielralston) January 17, 2017
The best hope for world peace is that the American nuclear codes require correct grammar and lower case letters and large fingers.
— Matt Haig (@matthaig1) January 16, 2017
Today is #BlueMonday, the most depressing day of the year. Thankfully, it isn't real and was just invented by someone in marketing.
— innocent drinks (@innocent) January 16, 2017
At the end of the Christmas season, the elephants at the Schrönbrunn Zoo are given the Christmas trees as a treat. (Photo: Norbert Potensky) pic.twitter.com/8R78LX1b1o
— The QI Elves (@qikipedia) January 15, 2017
Wats-on tonight?#Sherlock
— krish kandiah (@krishk) January 15, 2017
Guys, I think I've solved the Trump problem. If he becomes President, hide the nuclear codes inside a book. He'll never find them. Sorted.
— Bethan Gorman (@Mrs_Gorman) July 26, 2016
My cartoon – Truth vs Post-Truth#Brexit #Trump #r4Today pic.twitter.com/uPeaokus2z
— Martin Shovel (@MartinShovel) December 10, 2016
It's been the honor of my life to serve you. You made me a better leader and a better man.
— President Obama (@POTUS44) January 20, 2017
— Jason O. Gilbert (@gilbertjasono) January 20, 2017
I can do no better than this prayer from a 7 yr old:
"Dear God, please help Donald Trump to make good choices. Amen."#TrumpInauguration
— Ruth Harley (@ruth_hw) January 20, 2017
"Did you get a chance to read my email?"
No, you sent it at 3am and I haven't sat down yet
— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) January 20, 2017
Some animals are penguins. Some animals are not penguins. This educational GIF will teach you the difference #PenguinAwarenessDay pic.twitter.com/xxs3yTHhLw
— innocent drinks (@innocent) January 20, 2017
It's everybody's favourite day, #PenguinAwarenessDay! So it's important to know your penguins. Spot them too https://t.co/zDq02NNos0 pic.twitter.com/KpsHt6BdGr
— The Royal Society (@royalsociety) January 20, 2017
This photo has been niggling me. Now I realise what it reminds me of pic.twitter.com/XL5iyIBb1n
— (((DaveH))) (@freudianskippy) January 19, 2017
It's #NationalHuggingDay. Some people are going to say it's a sham, but we've decided to embrace it.
— innocent drinks (@innocent) January 21, 2017
View this post on Instagramsomething to really think about
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