ineke.co.uk

Blaming the neighbours when you’re having a row in your own house is quite Brexity

— The Irish Border (@BorderIrish) June 22, 2019

Nothing has made me laugh more this year than this Les Dennis story about him and Amanda Holden pic.twitter.com/eSbS1BLZZ6

— Oh hello! (@EamoV1) June 18, 2019

Hi Sky, if you are running low on news you might like to check out what is happening in Sudan right now. https://t.co/10CiB7yOD6

— Matt Haig (@matthaig1) June 14, 2019

I thought I was more sensitive than most until I discovered there are grown men who get upset that women play football. I now realise I am pretty hard. I don’t even mind that women play rugby or have jobs and are even allowed in pubs. That’s how tough I am.

— Matt Haig (@matthaig1) June 14, 2019

My most overwhelming and least scientific poll to date pic.twitter.com/HaRiebMgt8

— Rory Stewart (@RoryStewartUK) June 15, 2019

No. Because I would leave that room. https://t.co/JwNw0eDXbK

— Matt Lucas (@RealMattLucas) June 15, 2019

No but tell us how you really feel The Guardian 🤣 pic.twitter.com/nNKiLEXk9i

— Declan Cashin (@Tweet_Dec) June 15, 2019

100% this. Johnson is not a joke, not your friend, and not Cher. He has done nothing to deserve a country on first-name terms with him. https://t.co/WLWdccw2wB

— Jonathan Lis (@jonlis1) June 15, 2019

Kids after the church service when the biscuits get put out pic.twitter.com/BthSsBrMXN

— Owen’s attention span (@astr0wen) June 15, 2019

I can’t believe we didn’t pitch a one-off ‘Deal Or No Deal’ special to follow this debate. #RookieError

— Richard Osman (@richardosman) June 16, 2019

It's a bit wet out… well for Piers anyway 😂Naughty Bradley 😜#SoccerAid @piersmorgan @SoccerAid pic.twitter.com/yy0nS7DKc2

— ITV (@ITV) June 16, 2019

Donald Trump retweeting Katie Hopkins confirms my theory that if there had never been a US/UK show called The Apprentice we would be in a much better timeline.

— Matt Haig (@matthaig1) June 16, 2019

“Christ, I told you to go before we started. Ok, who else needs a wee wee?” pic.twitter.com/gUJhfTrodx

— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) June 16, 2019

An audiobook that occasionally asks of you’re still awake and if you don’t reply it whispers goodnight.

— Moose Allain Ꙭ (@MooseAllain) June 16, 2019

Is… is Hunt going to kill old people? https://t.co/awarNgIVTS

— Larry the Cat (@Number10cat) June 16, 2019

Viewers unimpressed as Channel 4 launches its own version of 'Pointless'. pic.twitter.com/K76pCUZDBO

— Have I Got News For You (@haveigotnews) June 17, 2019

Beautiful little treats on the sides of books need to make a big comeback! pic.twitter.com/IggdbuuNEY

— Daniel (@DannyDutch) June 17, 2019

Hi @HughFW, later this week we will reduce prices for several loose fruit and veg items, meaning that the majority of our loose fruit and veg will be cheaper than the comparable packaged product. We will continue to look at where we can make further reductions #WarOnPlastic https://t.co/1qWUmyz9tk

— Sainsbury's (@sainsburys) June 17, 2019

Rory Stewart’s time almost up at #LobbyHustings. Asked why he wouldn’t serve in aJohnson cabinet: “As far as I can see, he doesn’t have a plan. I say ‘as far as I can see,’ because he doesn’t talk to me, or you, or the people.”

In a sane world, Stewart would walk this. It’s not.

— Tom Peck (@tompeck) June 17, 2019

Rory Stewart voted against bringing 3,000 lone Syrian refugee *children* into the UK during the height of the refugee crisis, but don’t worry 🥰 he’s not like other Tories 🥰 he’s got a decent personality. Shhhhh about his voting record!

— Aleesha (@a_leesha1) June 17, 2019

I lay awake in my bed last night, having a panic attack. Well, my body was having a panic attack but my mind refused to. I lay there experiencing it, knowing the anxiety would pass, knowing intensity at 4 am will be gone at 8 am if I ride it out. Knowing the experience wasn't me.

— Matt Haig (@matthaig1) June 18, 2019

Is this a contest for Prime Minister or to umpire the men’s final at Wimbledon? #BBCOurNextPM pic.twitter.com/3FWTOFFR5I

— Larry the Cat (@Number10cat) June 18, 2019

My brother sent me this pic from Kuwait. It’s 63 degrees Celsius (145 Fahrenheit). Cars and traffic lights are melting. pic.twitter.com/NFefdZ8bZv

— Dave Landrum (@DrDaveLandrum) June 18, 2019

Legend. pic.twitter.com/66QGrfL4DA

— You Had One Job (@_youhadonejob1) June 18, 2019

A 2017 study found that playing Tetris immediately after a traumatic incident makes people less likely to develop symptoms of PTSD.

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) June 20, 2019

“It’s our fault. This is the world we built. Congratulations, cheers all.” #YearsAndYears pic.twitter.com/rCfqGq93sl

— BBC One (@BBCOne) June 18, 2019

Just caught up with the last episode of #YearsandYears
The whole series was so beautifully written yet, at times, so hard to watch.

These two lines seem terrifyingly apt.

“Beware those men, the jokers and the tricksters and the clowns. They will laugh us into Hell.” pic.twitter.com/9G51wCypkb

— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) June 19, 2019

It's been hot every morning and it's rained every afternoon. Your best bet is to go to work in swimwear so you can sunbathe first and then swim home.

— innocent drinks (@innocent) June 20, 2019

Talked to a Tory MP last night who was backing Johnson
"Do you think he'd be any good as PM"
"No"
"What on earth will he do about Brexit"?
"No one knows"
"Why do you want him, then?"
"He's the best hope we've got"
"By 'we" you don't mean Britain do you?"
"No the party, of course"

— Nick Cohen (@NickCohen4) June 19, 2019

When bored of rehearsals, Mozart would start jumping over tables and miaowing like a cat.

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) June 20, 2019

Do Tories realise that slamming a climate change protestor into a pillar for trying to draw attention to the fact our planet is burning might not be the best look?pic.twitter.com/3OoYRJKZ95

— James Felton (@JimMFelton) June 20, 2019

I don’t know a single man who thinks grabbing a woman about the neck and chokeslamming her against a pillar is “instinctive”

But then all my male friends are absolutely lovely.

Anyone peddling this line needs to be worried about. And that’s a hill I’m prepared to die on.

— Emma Kennedy (@EmmaKennedy) June 21, 2019

Newsflash: Men who "feel threatened" by women aren't entitled to just go around assaulting them…

— Joanne Harris (@Joannechocolat) June 21, 2019

An illustration of time passing by. pic.twitter.com/4cSQcWcXbR

— Daniel (@DannyDutch) June 22, 2019