ineke.co.uk

One can confirm that millions of 'Keep Calm and Carry On' products sold in the last 20 years have done sweet FA. #coronavirus #panicbuying

— Prince Charles (@Charles_HRH) March 8, 2020

1% of people have a gene mutation that allows them to feel fully rested with less than 5 hours of sleep.

— Quite Interesting Facts (@qikipedia) March 9, 2020

I felt sorry for all the Waitrose shoppers looking for toilet roll so I helpfully put some daily mails on the shelf as an alternative pic.twitter.com/nrV7JNnQ7n

— Lecky Becky (@beckyluxton) March 7, 2020

Poobag at the ready 👏🏻👏🏻💩😂#Crufts pic.twitter.com/5zbrm8IFaA

— Dan Walker (@mrdanwalker) March 8, 2020

WARNING: This image can cause crippling nostalgia in British people of a certain age pic.twitter.com/jwGWKuf64S

— Stuart Ashen (@ashens) February 29, 2020

As the UK is hit with a pasta shortage, No 10 urges public not to panic buy based on the actions of a fusilli individuals.

— Have I Got News For You (@haveigotnews) March 9, 2020

Newsnight interviewing Nigel Farage about the coronavirus. Did I miss something? Did every last person other than Nigel Farage die of the coronavirus leaving them with no other choice?

— James Felton (@JimMFelton) March 9, 2020

🎶 I made a little site in 24h that generates hand washing instructions accompanied by lyrics from a song of your choice instantly – check it out!

🔗 https://t.co/JKAQRYy5Yz pic.twitter.com/S1bDLyKt6C

— william ⚡️ (@neoncloth) March 8, 2020

My biggest fear with making stock is spending hours reducing it, with all the bones and the veg, and then absent modestly pouring it down the sink through a colander. It HAUNTS me.

— Katy Brand (@KatyFBrand) March 9, 2020

Waitrose have nailed it pic.twitter.com/oljHQ0b6ir

— Jake Price (@prizzely) March 9, 2020

I’m posting this picture of a pink robin for no other reason than to break up your timeline full of incessant shit. pic.twitter.com/wqVospKxRM

— Rhodri Marsden (@rhodri) March 10, 2020

I believe in prayer.
I also believe in soap.

— Shane Claiborne (@ShaneClaiborne) March 12, 2020

“If you’re happy and you know it, wash you hands” Dan Rather

— Kevin Strommen (@KevinDean1960) March 12, 2020

Isn’t it time we stopped pussyfooting about, cancelled all major events/non urgent/homecoming travel, asked people with ANY doubts to self isolate, ask those who can to work from home, asked those who can’t to respect other people’s hygiene & try to knock CV19 spread on the head?

— Georgie Bingham (@georgiebingham) March 12, 2020

This is the best. https://t.co/LuQxpMwnP5

— Martin Saunders 🤦🏻‍♂️ (@martinsaunders) March 12, 2020

I'm not saying my hands have dried out from excessive washing, but I just looked proudly down at my new pair of lizard-skin gloves before remembering I don't own any.

— Victoria Coren Mitchell (@VictoriaCoren) March 12, 2020

Treat yourself to this breathtaking Beethoven 'Ode to Joy' flashmob. Hang in there 🔊

pic.twitter.com/qcDKrREOqv

— Jay Arnold 🏳️‍🌈 (@JadedCreative) March 12, 2020

The World Health Organization has announced that dogs cannot contract Covid-19. Dogs previously held in quarantine can now be released. To be clear, WHO let the dogs out.

— Liam Hackett (@DiageoLiam) March 12, 2020

pic.twitter.com/tAi2uM0WxT

— Pundamentalism (@Pundamentalism) March 13, 2020

imagine if the Coronavirus got so serious we stopped using our phones on the toilet

— joe (@mutablejoe) March 8, 2020

Unbelievable scenes at St Mary's. 🤣#bbcfootball https://t.co/6m8Toe2laN

— Match of the Day (@BBCMOTD) March 14, 2020

We'll go one better and will read the book over the phone to you. https://t.co/Iy9foyMsfu

— Waterstones Uxbridge (@WaterstonesUxbr) March 13, 2020

If anyone needs any Daytime TV explaining to them, please just ask.

— Richard Osman (@richardosman) March 13, 2020

the hanks family are a compelling case study for nominative determinism.

if you call your kid colin, you’re getting a colin. and if you call your kid chet, you’re getting a chet. pic.twitter.com/VAJ10htmaW

— Daisy Bard (@DaisyBard) March 13, 2020

This is a picture of an asteroid crater in Arizona…
Look how close it came to hitting the visitors centre… pic.twitter.com/hJgOxNxyLd

— Shaun 🅙 (@da_judge) March 12, 2020

Still, might be better than 1632. 10 people died of 'Cancer and wolf'…. 'Cancer AND wolf'… heck of a way to go. A close second to the single person who died of 'piles'. pic.twitter.com/kGsO9hCwE6

— Adrian Edmondson (@AdrianEdmondson) March 13, 2020

Gloria Gaynor washing her hands to I Will Survive is the hand washing video I didn’t know I needed pic.twitter.com/3HotD7RsS6

— grant 🧔🏻 (@urdadssidepiece) March 12, 2020

Family conversation about Coronavirus at kitchen table…
Me to children:
Is there anything you want to ask?
Wife to children:
“I want you to know that I’m not scared”
Eldest child to wife:
“You’re drinking a lot of alcohol and singing a lot of opera for someone who isn’t scared”

— John Sutherland (@policecommander) March 14, 2020

Update: Not all sports are cancelled pic.twitter.com/VHmxFinflV

— Marty O (@martoo14) March 14, 2020

Thank god we left https://t.co/5mCvIFYj91

— Ed Gamble (@EdGambleComedy) March 14, 2020

I think this may be the greatest thread I’ve ever read and I never want it to stop and I want it to be a book with pictures immediately. https://t.co/Hoh9pPBOJy

— Emma Kennedy (@EmmaKennedy) March 14, 2020