ineke.co.uk

One can confirm that millions of 'Keep Calm and Carry On' products sold in the last 20 years have done sweet FA. #coronavirus #panicbuying

— King Charles III (parody) (@Charles_HRH) March 8, 2020

1% of people have a gene mutation that allows them to feel fully rested with less than 5 hours of sleep.

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) March 9, 2020

I felt sorry for all the Waitrose shoppers looking for toilet roll so I helpfully put some daily mails on the shelf as an alternative pic.twitter.com/nrV7JNnQ7n

— keeperofondra (@bexiebiscuits) March 7, 2020

Poobag at the ready 👏🏻👏🏻💩😂#Crufts pic.twitter.com/5zbrm8IFaA

— Dan Walker (@mrdanwalker) March 8, 2020

WARNING: This image can cause crippling nostalgia in British people of a certain age pic.twitter.com/jwGWKuf64S

— Stuart Ashen (@ashens) February 29, 2020

As the UK is hit with a pasta shortage, No 10 urges public not to panic buy based on the actions of a fusilli individuals.

— Have I Got News For You (@haveigotnews) March 9, 2020

Newsnight interviewing Nigel Farage about the coronavirus. Did I miss something? Did every last person other than Nigel Farage die of the coronavirus leaving them with no other choice?

— James Felton (@JimMFelton) March 9, 2020

🎶 I made a little site in 24h that generates hand washing instructions accompanied by lyrics from a song of your choice instantly – check it out!

🔗 https://t.co/JKAQRYy5Yz pic.twitter.com/S1bDLyKt6C

— William (@fishdarn) March 8, 2020

Waitrose have nailed it pic.twitter.com/oljHQ0b6ir

— Jake price (@prizzely) March 9, 2020

I’m posting this picture of a pink robin for no other reason than to break up your timeline full of incessant shit. pic.twitter.com/wqVospKxRM

— Rhodri Marsden ⏏️ (@rhodri) March 10, 2020

I believe in prayer.
I also believe in soap.

— Shane Claiborne (@ShaneClaiborne) March 12, 2020

“If you’re happy and you know it, wash you hands” Dan Rather

— Rest in Faith (@KevinDean1960) March 12, 2020

Isn’t it time we stopped pussyfooting about, cancelled all major events/non urgent/homecoming travel, asked people with ANY doubts to self isolate, ask those who can to work from home, asked those who can’t to respect other people’s hygiene & try to knock CV19 spread on the head?

— Georgie Bingham (@georgiebingham) March 12, 2020

This is the best. https://t.co/LuQxpMwnP5

— Martin Saunders (@martinsaunders) March 12, 2020

I'm not saying my hands have dried out from excessive washing, but I just looked proudly down at my new pair of lizard-skin gloves before remembering I don't own any.

— Victoria Coren Mitchell (@VictoriaCoren) March 12, 2020

The World Health Organization has announced that dogs cannot contract Covid-19. Dogs previously held in quarantine can now be released. To be clear, WHO let the dogs out.

— Dr Liam Hackett MBE (@DiageoLiam) March 12, 2020

pic.twitter.com/tAi2uM0WxT

— Pundamentalism (@Pundamentalism) March 13, 2020

imagine if the Coronavirus got so serious we stopped using our phones on the toilet

— mutable joe (@mutablejoe) March 8, 2020

Unbelievable scenes at St Mary's. 🤣#bbcfootball https://t.co/6m8Toe2laN

— Match of the Day (@BBCMOTD) March 14, 2020

We'll go one better and will read the book over the phone to you. https://t.co/Iy9foyMsfu

— Waterstones Uxbridge (@WaterstonesUxbr) March 13, 2020

If anyone needs any Daytime TV explaining to them, please just ask.

— Richard Osman (@richardosman) March 13, 2020

the hanks family are a compelling case study for nominative determinism.

if you call your kid colin, you’re getting a colin. and if you call your kid chet, you’re getting a chet. pic.twitter.com/VAJ10htmaW

— daisy bard (@DaisyBard) March 13, 2020

Still, might be better than 1632. 10 people died of 'Cancer and wolf'…. 'Cancer AND wolf'… heck of a way to go. A close second to the single person who died of 'piles'. pic.twitter.com/kGsO9hCwE6

— Adrian Edmondson ❎ (@AdrianEdmondson) March 13, 2020

Gloria Gaynor washing her hands to I Will Survive is the hand washing video I didn’t know I needed pic.twitter.com/3HotD7RsS6

— grant👨🏻‍🦱 (@urdadssidepiece) March 12, 2020

Family conversation about Coronavirus at kitchen table…
Me to children:
Is there anything you want to ask?
Wife to children:
“I want you to know that I’m not scared”
Eldest child to wife:
“You’re drinking a lot of alcohol and singing a lot of opera for someone who isn’t scared”

— John Sutherland (@policecommander) March 14, 2020

Update: Not all sports are cancelled pic.twitter.com/VHmxFinflV

— Marty O (@martoo14) March 14, 2020

Thank god we left https://t.co/5mCvIFYj91

— Ed Gamble (@EdGambleComedy) March 14, 2020