ineke.co.uk

Can’t believe it’s nearly lockdown again already. Swear it gets earlier and earlier every year. I walked past a house earlier and he was already watching tiger king and downloading house party. ITS ONLY SEPTEMBER FFS. For me lockdown doesn’t start until I see my 1st banana bread

— Harvey Hawkins (@harvhawkscomedy) September 11, 2020

“I can’t live on £150k a year” says man who expects people to live on £95 a week sick pay. https://t.co/ygTyUQeHKL

— David Schneider (@davidschneider) September 19, 2020

The real values of SPORT in a single gesture:

James Teagle 🇬🇧 got confused on the last corner and was passed by Diego Méntrida🇪🇸 who did this… #Respect #FairPlay 🤝 https://t.co/ceGGyBfqA9

— Adrián San Miguel (@AdriSanMiguel) September 18, 2020

Yeah because viruses famously take the day off on Christmas Day. 🤦‍♂️ https://t.co/Xhcvd6tEAg

— Pope Mullah (@KarmaUnc) September 20, 2020

the hair: the lice: pic.twitter.com/CuM4iQGglf

— john Ϟ (@jxhn1x) September 11, 2020

Westminster Abbey are trolling.

(And it's brilliant…) https://t.co/8P0AjaTRGz

— Katie Lawson (@KatieJLawson) September 20, 2020

A Public Announcement
https://t.co/tG3PTukfAD

— The Church Sofa (@TheChurchSofa) September 20, 2020

It’s not lockdown vs the economy. What’s clear from earlier in the year is if you don’t lockdown quickly enough the economy suffers. That’s why we’ve taken the greatest hit out of the major economies.

Lockdown sooner to protect the economy.

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.

— David Schneider (@davidschneider) September 20, 2020

Panic buying is back. Lots of empty shelves in IKEA today…

— Milton Jones (@themiltonjones) September 21, 2020

WHO director general, March 2020: “Our key message is: test, test, test.”

Boris Johnson, today in Commons: 'Testing and tracing has very little or nothing to do with the spread or transmission of the disease.'

No wonder we have a world-beating death toll 🤦‍♀️

— Dr Rachel Clarke (@doctor_oxford) September 22, 2020

New Year’s Eve 2020.

A night when TV records are broken as 57 million people settle down in front of the box to enjoy Kaiser Chiefs, KT Tunstall, Phil Collins and S Club 7 on Jools Holland’s Hootenanny.

— Carl Jones (@CarlDJones) September 22, 2020

Rest assured we won't be showing repeats of the Prime Minister's broadcast.

— Dave (@davechannel) September 22, 2020

Unpopular view but… the social distancing rules don’t have to make comparative sense. Clearly, covid spreads as easily when sat closely in a restaurant or at home. It spreads as easily at 9.59pm as at 10.01pm. Across classrooms of 30 as easily as in wedding ceremonies of 30.

— Laura McInerney (@miss_mcinerney) September 22, 2020

Boris Johnson blaming rule-breakers. Weird how everyone stopped obeying the rules at the exact same time schools reopened and everyone was paid to eat at Nando’s and told to get back to work or risk getting fired from their jobs they'd been successfully performing from home.

— James Felton (@JimMFelton) September 22, 2020

The frustrating thing is that probably that DID happen to some degree because by pushing everyone back into schools and workplaces it signaled “it’s not so bad” and people likely took that to mean they could be less careful. Which still puts the blame on govt policy, of course.

— Katie Mack (@AstroKatie) September 22, 2020

Legit got excited when the camera accidentally cut to Huw Edwards instead of Bongo. Thought he was put new prime minister . #covidbriefing

— Sam Major (@SamuelMajor) September 22, 2020

Channel 4 not messing about pic.twitter.com/4Uqk8vYVHE

— Scott Bryan (@scottygb) September 22, 2020

It's not truly Bake Off until a flutist in a waistcoat cracks out the rulers in order to measure the seven million different jigsaw pieces of his bright blue battenburg.#GBBO

— innocent drinks (@innocent) September 22, 2020

We're still thinking about how all the bakers and film crew had to stay in a bio-secure bubble/tent for entire filming. Imagine being in lock down with twelve of the best bakers in the country. They won the lockdown lottery. #GBBO

— innocent drinks (@innocent) September 22, 2020

Us at 8:14: "Oh thank goodness you're back Bake Off, everything will better now"

Us at 8:55: "HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO FEEL THIS STRESSED ABOUT PINEAPPLE UPSIDE DOWN CAKES"#GBBO

— innocent drinks (@innocent) September 22, 2020

Marie Antoinette. Let them eat cake.
Marie Antoinette. Let them eat cake.
Marie Antoinette. Let them eat cake.

Sorry, just got it.#GBBO

— innocent drinks (@innocent) September 22, 2020

So in order for Britain to leave the EU, Kent will have to leave Britain. This is an amazing plot twist.

— Caitlin Moran (@caitlinmoran) September 23, 2020

You charge an officer because their bullets went through a neighbors’ wall but not because they went into a Black body?

America cares more about private property then it does Black Lives. #BlackLivesMatter

— zellie (@zellieimani) September 23, 2020

Denver Airport is twice as big as Manhattan.

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) September 24, 2020

20 British points to anyone today who says “Lovely weather…for ducks!”

— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) September 25, 2020

The plan to ensure that everyone leaves the pub at exactly the same time appears to have a downside https://t.co/0fz9210ipM

— Michael Deacon (@MichaelPDeacon) September 25, 2020

Well, Eat Out To Help Out may have backfired but at least the curfew is clearly a good idea and oh… https://t.co/lKQvmbWCn7

— David Schneider (@davidschneider) September 25, 2020

My thoughts really go out to students, maybe away from home for the first time, now worried about infection, making friends, working out who they are, not being able to go home for months. When I was 18, I think I would have struggled a bit.

— Stig Abell (@StigAbell) September 24, 2020

My kids are so well trained. They come straight down for dinner as soon as they hear the smoke alarm.

— Jayne Sharp (@Jaynesharp) September 14, 2020

It's clear from the data coming in, that the United Kingdom is now facing a very serious, and potentially overwhelming, second wave of banana bread. pic.twitter.com/CJsJm8gVJZ

— David Wyllie (@journodave) September 24, 2020

The best thing on Downing Street…
(Video @GuyBertie)pic.twitter.com/3eAiiavFIC

— Larry the Cat (@Number10cat) September 24, 2020

This seems like a major flaw… #NHSCOVID19app https://t.co/9YfDJHrtSe

— Jo C (@joacie) September 26, 2020

Give track and trace to the 18yr old girls who can take the words ‘Chris’ and ‘All Bar One Norwich’ and come back 30seconds later with an NI number and how much their VW golf sold for on autotrader in 2012

— Jo Wiggins (@JoWiggins) September 21, 2020