Olympics 2028? 💧pic.twitter.com/clhUUlJhUk
— Dan Walker (@mrdanwalker) April 3, 2022
Chocolate naming meeting.
— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) April 3, 2022
"TWI"
"No"
"TWII"
"No"
"TWIII"
"No"
"TWIV"
"No"
"TWV"
"No"
"TWVI"
"No"
"TWVII"
"No"
"TWVIII"
"No"
"TWIX"
"PERFECT"
EDF France raises prices 4%
— Farrukh (@implausibleblog) April 2, 2022
EDF UK raises prices 54%
Are you keeping track of our Brexit benefits?
don't hate us coz u ain't us 💅 https://t.co/0S5rFtj2OR
— Aldi Stores UK (@AldiUK) April 5, 2022
I'm going to buy Channel 4 to protect 'Countdown'.
— Richard Osman (@richardosman) April 5, 2022
You know how care homes for elderly people have dances where they play music from the residents youth. Just thinking what it will be like when us 90s kids are in homes and Jump Around causes 6 residents to break a hip and 2 choke on their dentures trying to do the running man.
— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) April 5, 2022
When I have a date with a new guy I suggest getting steak and order it well-done to see if he tries to tell me not to. If he does, I don't see him again – it's been a good asshole filter for years and I regret nothing.
— Fesshole 🧻 (@fesshole) April 5, 2022
Conservative governments love to privatise things, which makes you wonder why they themselves have wound up in public service. Did the private sector not want them?
— Larry the Cat (@Number10cat) April 5, 2022
“ITV Hub. Come on in.”
— Scott Bryan (@scottygb) April 5, 2022
Me: “NO!”
It makes me so angry that the ‘bottomless’ in “bottomless brunch” is in relation to Prosecco and not hash browns. 🤷🏼♀️
— Sarah Crane 💚 (@secraney) April 5, 2022
I still don’t understand people wanting an edit button. It’d be abused SO much. The only way it may work would be with a function so the original tweet could be viewed, or we’d get tweets like:
— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) April 5, 2022
I ❤️ dogs 🐶
985 Retweets 1672 Likes
edited to
RT/Like if you ❤️ killing dogs 🔪🐶 https://t.co/245s5LKgcq
The opening credits to Fireman Sam but I’ve replaced the theme tune with 9 to 5 by Dolly Parton. pic.twitter.com/JchzMUh4X9
— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) April 4, 2022
Martin Lewis used to do guides on the best mobile phone deals. He’s now doing them on how to avoid freezing in your own home. That’s not a good sign. https://t.co/mdmRe1w2rK
— Larry the Cat (@Number10cat) April 5, 2022
Here is a concrete, little-known example of how @Channel4 provides value to UK citizens **without costing us any money**, and why privatising the broadcaster will 🚨strip this value away🚨
— Eliz Mizon (@ElizMizon) April 5, 2022
The year was 2010… 🧵🪡 1/15
It's a common mistake, but Frankenstein was actually the author pic.twitter.com/Z1CJNCf7EA
— Medlife Crisis (Rohin) (@MedCrisis) April 6, 2022
Menus in England will from today include a calorie count next to each item, just in case you wanted something else in your life completely ruined for you.
— Dave (@davechannel) April 6, 2022
Matt Le Tissier with the most tragic narrative arc to come out of Southampton since the Titanic.
— Sam Whyte (@SamWhyte) April 5, 2022
I can't get over how #PaulRudd has his own Twitter emoji
— Ali Plumb (@AliPlumb) April 7, 2022
SOME NEWS!
— Richard Osman (@richardosman) April 8, 2022
After 13 wonderful years I'm leaving daytime Pointless, to concentrate on writing. Will still be doing the celebrity shows and 'HouseOfGames'. It has been the GREATEST pleasure and I can't wait to start watching as a viewer. Thank you to everyone! ❤️
imagine telling your 2012 self that in 10 years Nigel Farage will tweet a picture of him standing between Donald Trump and Holly Valance – with a picture of Kim Jong Un in the background – and nobody will bat an eyelid pic.twitter.com/0PGEIWpnWF
— Matthew Champion (@matthewchampion) April 8, 2022
Akshata Murty is worth £27bn and went to all that trouble to avoid £20m tax. Thats the same as having £27,000 in the bank and dodging paying 20 quid. The greed is mind boggling.
— Patrick Grant (@paddygrant) April 7, 2022
When going to supermarkets, I first hide a 2 litre bottle of softdrink in one of the freezers behind the frozen vegetables. I then retrieve my nicely chilled bottle at the end of my shop. No way I'm spending twice as much for only 500ml just to have a cold drink on the way home.
— Fesshole 🧻 (@fesshole) April 8, 2022
DOCTOR: I think you have ‘Backstreet Boys Syndrome’
— Pundamentalism (@Pundamentalism) April 8, 2022
PATIENT: Tell me why
This made me laugh. Have a great Friday friends pic.twitter.com/64sesJoXQ7
— Gavin Calver (@GavCalver) April 8, 2022
Wishing you so much love and luck for the next chapter! P.S. Tabling that the new guest hosts should be referred to collectively as Osmen.
— Lauren Laverne (@laurenlaverne) April 8, 2022
ineke.co.uk 
Anything to add...?