Not all fairytales end the way we expect.
— AlzheimersResearchUK (@AlzResearchUK) September 21, 2023
Share now to help us change the ending #ForACure. https://t.co/EKBE5uf5QU pic.twitter.com/x3NfJPijSa
girl math is washing your hair so it lines up with your plans
— zahra (@zahracadabra) September 29, 2023
Ofcom says it’s looking very carefully at the 7,300 complaints it received about Dan Wootton’s GB News show, as there’s no way that many people were watching it.
— Have I Got News For You (@haveigotnews) September 29, 2023
Conducting a full investigation into my exact circumstances, of course. Has Swift become me? Does she know when and where to pick up my kids from school? Am I her permanently? Am I able to sing her songs *like* her? It would just be hours and hours of admin basically. https://t.co/pf6t3O2ewc
— Mark Watson (@watsoncomedian) October 1, 2023
“I believe the country wants change” – Rishi Sunak. This seems an odd thing for an incumbent Prime Minister to admit.
— Larry the Cat (@Number10cat) October 1, 2023
I just got this message from the Archbishop of Canterbury, Justin Welby.
— Shane Claiborne (@ShaneClaiborne) September 30, 2023
Pope Francis has the cross we made for him from the barrel of a gun!
Last month, we had a brilliant visit with Justin and Caroline Welby as they visited us in Philly, and stayed in our home. Justin… pic.twitter.com/rygykrrysR
— internet hall of fame (@InternetH0F) October 1, 2023
I’d quite like to use a train.
— Kit Yates (@Kit_Yates_Maths) October 1, 2023
Do you think you could do something about that? https://t.co/ui8L2elckt
I’m so glad the war on our cars is over. It’ll make it much easier when we’re living in them in a few months time x
— Buckers (@deathofbuckley) October 1, 2023
Saw Lee Mack's name trending. Why? Oh apparently he stood in for his mate on a fishing show and it seemed to upset people.
— ZX Geoff Owen @8bitbackissues (@NCC_17fOrmula1) October 2, 2023
I actually really like Lee Mack, but not enough to watch a fishing show…
Make Gritain Brow Again. #MGBA https://t.co/QMxAamzXBI
— Paul Kerensa (@paulkerensa) October 2, 2023
1930s..A keeper at a Liverpool Zoo reading a bedtime story to Rex the Lion. pic.twitter.com/PC0nac0MrD
— Kathleen (@oldpicposter) September 30, 2023
Strong vibes today. Or the glaring fact I’m about to turn 40 😬😬😬
— Sophie Killingley (@PrettySophieK) October 1, 2023
Plus ya know, started the decade as a Pastors wife full of zeal and optimism, finishing it a non pastors wife jaded hag with a book of wisdom and scars. pic.twitter.com/5hpGm7XB6u
Look, even in The Thick of It, they didn't host a party conference in Manchester while scrapping a major public transport connection to Manchester
— Henry Mance (@henrymance) October 2, 2023
Even things that are true can be stated in ways that seem like a bizarre take at first. pic.twitter.com/MNiIzzyMGT
— Dr. Graham Lau (@cosmobiologist) October 1, 2023
Tonight’s Only Connect features probably my favourite exchange of the series. I can’t express how much I love all these people.
— Victoria Coren Mitchell (@VictoriaCoren) October 2, 2023
For context, the whole programme is at 8 o’clock tonight on @BBCTwo! pic.twitter.com/fDNMglsjAr
So it looks like this is happening
— Adam Thomas (@AdamMerrivale) October 2, 2023
Recording in November, episodes released in Advent
Watch this space 🎄 https://t.co/1f3IFiRcWr
Let’s ban mobile phones from the House of Commons… pic.twitter.com/mA0W86C2dw
— The Purple Pimpernel (@Eyeswideopen69) October 2, 2023
Literally just dropped one of the most evil conference speeches in recent history then went outside and stood on a guide dog https://t.co/zjLvhY6lsU
— James Felton (@JimMFelton) October 3, 2023
Large numbers of people leaving Tory conference tonight because there are no trains tomorrow. Thereby missing the PM’s speech announcing the axing of the Manchester rail upgrade. Historians will write entire chapters on the events of the past two weeks…
— (((Dan Hodges))) (@DPJHodges) October 3, 2023
Who doesn’t want
— Steve Brooks (@stephenbrooksUK) October 3, 2023
🚍Bus stop
📮Post box
👩🏽⚕️Pharmacy
🩺GP surgery
🏞️Park
📚Primary school
🛒Convenience shop
👨🏻🍼Nursery
💵bank
Within a 15 minute walk of yr front door? That’s all 15-minute neighbourhoods are: an idea for better town planning. Mystified by the conspiracy theorists
This is perfect…. 👏🏻 https://t.co/gUcYSE88Ey
— Tim Farron (@timfarron) October 3, 2023
Does feel sort of mad that a Prime Minister who wasn't even a full ranking cabinet minister at the time of the 2019 election & is 20 points behind in the polls just gets to cancel the country's largest infrastructure project, which his party's manifesto committed to completing
— Alex Kealy (@alexkealy) October 4, 2023
"We should scrap HS2 to Manchester because it won't even reach the city for another two decades," says Sunak.
— Leigh Jones (@leighsus) October 4, 2023
While stood in front of a sign which says "Long-term decisions for a brighter future".
After much debate after my Salt & Vinegar recommendation the other day – the MSE team (mostly the fab @OliviaHutton146) have now collated the 40 most recommended S&V variants – most of which we now have….
— Martin Lewis (@MartinSLewis) October 5, 2023
And next Wed we will be doing serious investigative journalism as a… pic.twitter.com/xJg6OJKDoO
Many commentators say that vigilante groups are never the answer. But they clearly don't know about the masked Ecuadorian trio named “Acción Ortográfica Quito,” who roam the streets at night with one purpose: to correct all the spelling and grammar mistakes they find in graffiti. pic.twitter.com/kNa3ZCm5te
— Adam Sharp (@AdamCSharp) October 4, 2023
Today, I welcomed 11 new beings into my class in the hope they might be more looked after than the last lot 🙈 #gluestickgate Listening to the kids do a register for them at the end of the day was 😂😂😂😂 pic.twitter.com/iSds2PM3UP
— Emily Charlotte (@Mrs_McK1) October 4, 2023
— internet hall of fame (@InternetH0F) October 5, 2023
This is because – from pretty early on – Taskmaster has made a point of showcasing people known to be brilliant by the industry, but who are risky bookings. There’s a parallel universe where more entertainment shows do this, but it’s eighty million light years away. https://t.co/hoh9DeUTuW
— Mark Watson (@watsoncomedian) October 6, 2023
— Terrible Maps (@TerribleMaps) October 7, 2023
Because it was in my head and I had to get rid of it. #PatButCher pic.twitter.com/oDokoynRu7
— Paul Burley (@PaulBurleyFFS) October 7, 2023
Congratulations Red Bull and Max, dominated all year.
— Dan – EngineMode11 (@EngineMode11) October 7, 2023
Now, swap the RB and AT drivers for the rest of the season for the banter. 🙏
2021: obvious reasons
— Matt³³⁺¹⁶ (@FM1_3316) October 7, 2023
2022: wins it from the cooldown room
2023: wins it in the sprint race on Saturday
What crazy way will Max win the world title next? 💀
ineke.co.uk 
Anything to add...?