ineke.co.uk

According to my skin, hair & lips and hands, I am doing Dry January.

— Tashy McTashface (@TashP351) January 10, 2026

Takeaways need to have a clear Poppadom policy, do they come included, do I need to order them extra, or will I end up with thousands.

— Anon Opin. (@anon_opin) January 13, 2026

"Mum I've got a job in #TheTraitors!"

"Wow I'll look out for it!"

The job: pic.twitter.com/nJdL3ZbdGF

— Scott Bryan (@scottygb) January 15, 2026

My first year in America I didn’t turn up to work on Boxing Day, coworker pinged me saying he thought I was in office that day, I asked why would I be in office it’s Boxing Day? He said “you took a day off work to watch boxing?” https://t.co/JaYAc5aU76

— Kieran Doyle (@KierDoyle) December 25, 2025

“Think not of the books you’ve bought as a ‘to be read’ pile. Instead, think of your bookcase as a wine cellar. You collect books to be read at the right time, the right place, and the right mood.”

-Luc van Donkersgoed

— Alex & Books 📚 (@AlexAndBooks_) December 30, 2025

When an ice-cream van slowly goes past ringing it's bell I sometimes remark "They'll never get to the hospital going at that speed."

That REALLY puzzles sone people.

— Malcolm Bacchus (@BaccmaConsult) December 19, 2024

this has made me emotional love claudia and dave arch ❤️ #strictly pic.twitter.com/hodTJi9DgI

— Louise (@xlouclifton96x) December 25, 2025

Wife told me not to defrost the freezer with a screwdriver and a hammer. I knew better. £500 later and we have the exact same one as before but newer. She cant believe the job ive done "cleaning it". Broken one is now in next door's garage until I figure out how to get rid. Help

— Fesshole🧻 (@fesshole) November 29, 2025

Love people replying to this with I WON’T BE BUYING YOUR STAMPS. Whose stamps will you be buying then? https://t.co/UIXXI3RI1F

— Hello, This is Ivan (@hellothisisivan) November 24, 2025

Dancing through life is always more fun with friends! Thanks to our pal Jonathan Bailey for stopping by to bust a move. 🕺😂🧡 pic.twitter.com/f8Cr2Ybupq

— Sesame Street (@sesamestreet) November 18, 2025

Just a reminder for Christmas this year… if your birth year starts with a 19, wrap your presents on a table and not the floor…

— єℓαιηє (@elainesim28) November 14, 2025

The word lasso needs another O at the end

— Anon Opin. (@anon_opin) November 1, 2025

If you feel like you're bad at your job and it's making you depressed, just consider that, as the investigation of the recent heist revealed, the password to access the Louvre's videosurveillance system was "Louvre".

— Philippe Lemoine (@phl43) November 4, 2025