If you draw a box on the floor, your cat will sit in it!
The Queen has hired someone to break in her shoes
“Loosely based on Ephesians 6”
Geologists said to be concerned as the hole Sean Spicer is digging himself into is hours away from reaching the Earth’s core.
— HaveIGotNewsForYou (@haveigotnews) April 12, 2017
This list of reasons women were admitted to a mental asylum in 1864 includes ‘reading a book’https://t.co/dfyxhoiqf0 pic.twitter.com/lzxfMu0zqd
— The Poke (@ThePoke) April 11, 2017
Pepsi: we're having the worst week
United: I don't know, it's pretty bad over here
Sean Spicer: LOL hold my beer!
— RINO Pundit (@RINOPundit) April 11, 2017
— Viz Comic (@vizcomic) April 10, 2017
This IKEA has a “Relationship Saving Station”https://t.co/tNy0rmD2lW pic.twitter.com/w75L5OXZeK
— The Poke (@ThePoke) April 10, 2017
That time when God took an ordinary week &loved in an extraordinary way,to change the World,smash death &show what love really is #HolyWeek
— Fr Frankie Mulgrew (@FatherFrankie) April 9, 2017
We have First Class, Business Class, and No Class #NewUnitedAirlinesMottos
— W.T. Martyn (@WTMartyn2) April 11, 2017
This is what you call insightful, timely and clever marketing. #NewUnitedAirlinesMottos pic.twitter.com/SrscgTKVFT
— Snober Abbasi (@snobers) April 11, 2017
May the odds be in your favor, @united passengers.#united pic.twitter.com/XhgLCO8xNn
— Ting Ik Hon (@tingikhon) April 11, 2017
In about a ten-minute span, Sean Spicer managed to: pic.twitter.com/01GC6Gw2AN
— Nicole Hemmer (@pastpunditry) April 11, 2017
"Dear god what do I have to do to get fired from this fucking job" -Sean Spicer, two days from now
— Jesse Berney (@jesseberney) April 11, 2017
Avoid employing unlucky people by throwing away half the applications
— Fred Cox (@mcfedr) April 14, 2017
Magnificent moment on @theJeremyVine today. A gnome museum had all its gnomes smashed. Vine asked the owner if they all had names… 1/2
— Mark Wallace (@wallaceme) April 13, 2017
…the guy said to @theJeremyVine "there's a lot, so we don't have time to learn all their names". Not name them. Learn their names. 2/2
— Mark Wallace (@wallaceme) April 13, 2017
What would be the most disappointing Easter egg? Topic right?
— Richard Osman (@richardosman) April 13, 2017
AirportBus. 🙂 pic.twitter.com/oX6v8MrH1I
— Brilliant Ads (@Brilliant_Ads) April 13, 2017
Why women live longer than men. pic.twitter.com/lYdv1RrLzF
— Darwin Award 🔞 (@AwardsDarwin) April 13, 2017
Holy Week Day 4
If I just had one last meal, I wouldn't spend it with a person I knew would betray me. Love does.— Bob Goff (@bobgoff) April 13, 2017
McVitie’s have confirmed that the chocolate is actually on the bottom of their biscuits, not the top https://t.co/yLmL6CIQvS
— Metro (@MetroUK) April 13, 2017
A 2017 glossary:
"Alternative facts" = lies
"Re-accommodate" = forcibly drag off plane
"Holocaust centers" = concentration camps— Parker Molloy (@ParkerMolloy) April 11, 2017
‘Scuse the swears, but I think this is one of the best tweets I’ve seen on the matter…
"Dear god what do I have to do to get fired from this fucking job" -Sean Spicer, two days from now
— Jesse Berney (@jesseberney) April 11, 2017
#recap This Twitter project to hunt down the source photos for the Sgt Pepper cover is fascinating #SgtPepperPhotoshttps://t.co/ajaNENEA5b pic.twitter.com/tJbaUlY7L5
— The Poke (@ThePoke) April 15, 2017
It's hard to believe this is true. But it is. (I campaigned on this issue years ago. Sadly nothing has changed…) https://t.co/FIliTvWlfF
— Sam Hailes ن (@samhailes) April 14, 2017
Really enjoying this time-travel thriller, where a man stuck in 2013 tweets desperate warnings to his 2017 self, who has become President. https://t.co/JQZAFN0Thh
— Julian Gough (@juliangough) April 14, 2017
Anything to add...?