ineke.co.uk

'I didn't go to religion to make me feel happy. I always knew a bottle of Port would do that…'

CS Lewis pic.twitter.com/tQr6ZEVPeY

— Steve Chalke (@SteveChalke) September 16, 2017

Things that mean "yes"
-Oh go on then
-If you're having one
-I mustn't really
-If we have to
-It's not for me to say
-It'll have to be quick

— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) September 16, 2017

"I've made a huge mistake." pic.twitter.com/qQ5aEFHvCk

— You Had One Job (@_youhadonejob1) September 15, 2017

What can I say?
pic.twitter.com/9Z0YZxkWDI

— Finty williams (@finty_williams) September 14, 2017

Classic British response to an emergency & major incident: "I'll put the kettle on". Compassion and Communities come together #parsonsgreen pic.twitter.com/JTip11QHW0

— Jan Ståhlberg (@innov8_dk) September 15, 2017

buying iPhone X in europe? why not add a free weekend trip to NYC pic.twitter.com/K3IbdF4WNL

— juan (@juanbuis) September 13, 2017

i just found out that the division symbol (÷) is just a blank fraction with dots replacing the numerator and denominator. oh my god.

— abdul 🚀 (@Advil) September 11, 2017

The = symbol was specifically designed to be two lines of visibly equal length. Unbeatable design.

— Derwin McGeary 🥃🇪🇺 (@derwinmcgeary) September 11, 2017

Took @keviclifton home to meet @LeeCormack. Here they are contemplating if the Strictly curse will strike me this year. pic.twitter.com/ndFOqn35kw

— Susan Calman (@SusanCalman) September 11, 2017

BREAKING: The world's problems will not be solved by arguing with strangers on Twitter. We'll update you when we have more on this story.

— Channel 4 (@Channel4) September 13, 2017

Roald Dahl, who was born #OnThisDay 1916, displayed a rather scrumdiddlyumptious memory about all things chocolate in 1989. #RoaldDahlDay pic.twitter.com/6rzIHTAfmM

— BBC Archive (@BBCArchive) September 13, 2017

The Path of Totality during the solar eclipse – as shown on Google Maps traffic pic.twitter.com/l8Vu6dTbai

— Amazing Maps™ (@amazingmap) August 24, 2017

Electricity consumption in Europe in 1507 pic.twitter.com/9YFlFkeGJO

— Terrible Maps (@TerribleMaps) September 11, 2017

Be a mess. It's fine. The universe is a mess. Galaxies are drifting all over the place. To be tidy is to be out of tune with the cosmos.

— Matt Haig (@matthaig1) August 31, 2017

The first showstopper challenge is an illusion cake. Really hope someone's illusion is just a life size Mary Berry statue. #GBBO

— innocent drinks (@innocent) August 29, 2017

We are already one-eight of the way through Trump's presidency. We can do this everyone.

— Richard Osman (@richardosman) September 11, 2017

Bees are vegetarian wasps.

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) September 10, 2017

I just got papped outside church #strictly

— Richard Coles (@RevRichardColes) September 10, 2017

They look like they are getting married. pic.twitter.com/OZoqEnokLF

— You Had One Job (@_youhadonejob1) September 10, 2017

"Real crazy show where anything goes" is a poor description of Funhouse. It was very rigidly structured and basically the same every week.

— Jay Foreman (@jayforeman) September 8, 2017

MY SISTER TEACHES CELLO

SHE REPORTS THAT HER NEW STUDENTS CALL SHARPS “HASHTAGS”

CONCERTO IN F HASHTAG

— Marian Call (@mariancall) September 6, 2017

The Duke and Duchess are very pleased to share a photograph of The Duke and Prince George at Kensington Palace this morning. pic.twitter.com/MxcU0RqGvi

— Kensington Palace (@KensingtonRoyal) September 7, 2017

Responses you will get if you tell a British girl you like her dress:
– Exactly how much it was
– If it was in the sale
– If it has pockets

— Clare (@iliketweet) September 3, 2017

One unclaimed item at Dublin Airport’s lost property office is a tombstone with the words ‘You will always be remembered, never forgotten’.

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) September 1, 2017