ineke.co.uk

A story told in four pics pic.twitter.com/IwG1RcJ9Wt

— connor (@ConIsles) November 12, 2016

CHRISTMAS FACT
In the carol ‘God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen’, the word ‘Merry’ refers to the rest and not to the gentlemen, so it should be sung ‘God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen’

— Richard Osman (@richardosman) December 2, 2017

Following his attack on Theresa May, bookies offer odds on what it would take for Donald Trump's invitation to the UK to be withdrawn. pic.twitter.com/mHtxoePGmR

— HaveIGotNewsForYou (@haveigotnews) November 30, 2017

pic.twitter.com/k62bUvJ7uz

— Julia Galef (@juliagalef) November 30, 2017

No-one tell him Jesus was a brown-skinned man from the Middle East whose family were desperately searching for shelter at Christmas and then became migrants to escape Herod's slaughter.https://t.co/yPDFBEKeEA

— Jesus Tweets You (@JesusTweetsYou) December 1, 2017

RULES OF DECEMBER:
1. Chocolate is to be kept behind tiny numbered doors
2. Trees now live inside the house
3. Hot beverages may only be consumed if accompanied with a mince pie
4. Mariah Carey will follow you wherever you go

— innocent drinks (@innocent) December 1, 2017

Traffic flowing nicely through Weybridge this evening…… pic.twitter.com/lhzKGUAn83

— CoxeyLoxey (@CoxeyLoxey) November 22, 2017

In 1887, to encourage people to 'buy British', a law was passed that meant all products made in Germany had to be labelled as such. This backfired when the 'Made in Germany' label became a sign of high quality.

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) November 30, 2017

You have a mass shooting every single day in your country, your murder rate is many times that of the UK, your healthcare system is a disgrace, you can’t pass anything through a congress that you control. I would focus on that. https://t.co/SNcqOZGvLQ

— Brendan Cox (@MrBrendanCox) November 30, 2017

The cat is my new spirit animal. pic.twitter.com/AuDVTTOH2B

— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) November 30, 2017

Did a kids event today.

'What do you want for Christmas?'

8 year old: 'For Donald Trump to fall down a large hole and… and for him to be attacked by a giant robot spider. While he's in the hole. And he tries to escape but he can't.'

— Matt Haig (@matthaig1) November 29, 2017

When a hurricane is predicted, the sale of strawberry Pop-Tarts at nearby Walmarts increases sevenfold.

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) November 29, 2017

Things you can never accept are empty:
– butter tubs
– toothpaste tubes
– wine bottles/boxes
– washing-up liquid
– Marmite jars
– any sauce bottle
– deodorant cans
– shampoo bottles
– TV remote batteries
– biros

— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) November 29, 2017

Daughter: Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Me: (rolling my eyes) because 7 ate 9.
Daughter: But why did 7 do that?
Me: Huh?
Daughter: Because he was supposed to get 3 squared meals a day.
Me: OMG HOW HAVE I NEVER HEARD THAT ONE BEFORE

— Greg Titus (@gregtitus) November 27, 2017

Look at phone just to see what time it is.

Check Twitter
Check Facebook
Check emails
Watch a cat video
Check Instagram
Check Twitter
Look at some photos of dogs
Send a text
Watch another cat video
Check Twitter

Still no clue what time is.

— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) November 27, 2017

Sending a man to the Moon and finding Osama Bin Laden cost the US government about the same amount of time and money: ten years and $100 billion.

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) November 28, 2017

The Express’s annual surprise at the existence of winter is somehow reassuring. pic.twitter.com/nRpQF2WHUQ

— Stig Abell (@StigAbell) November 26, 2017

I solemnly promise that if I get married you can all have a bank holiday.

— Richard Osman (@richardosman) November 27, 2017

The most dangerous phrase…. pic.twitter.com/DveXHhiel4

— Darwin Award 🔞 (@AwardsDarwin) November 27, 2017

As Prince Harry and Meghan Markle announce their engagement, the American actress shows how far she's willing to go to avoid the British press. pic.twitter.com/Vcbd8eBkJ1

— HaveIGotNewsForYou (@haveigotnews) November 27, 2017

Oops…Arlene Foster congratulates wrong prince on engagement to Megan Marklehttps://t.co/nEfYGc7YUv pic.twitter.com/qvCwAvQmPM

— The Irish News (@irish_news) November 27, 2017

Google ain’t no snitch. pic.twitter.com/6SF0uo4Ltk

— You Had One Job (@_youhadonejob1) November 27, 2017

Prince Harry's kids will be Americans. What if one grows up to be president and is in line for the throne at the same time? Brits are playing long-ball here, but it's a smart move. They want America back and this is how they'll do it.

— Greg Pollowitz (@GPollowitz) November 27, 2017

We go live to the deeply conflicted monarchy-loving racists in the Daily Mail comment section #royalwedding pic.twitter.com/hEnWx3hPfb

— O Tannenbrom 🎄 (@jo_bromilow) November 27, 2017

Prince Harry and Meghan Markle are going to marry.

Over at the Daily Mail offices they are furiosly searching for pictures of Meghan in similar dresses to Diana for a special pull out tomorrow….. pic.twitter.com/YG6Q6GQvpE

— Eggnog Grundy (@GrundyOxford) November 27, 2017

On the second day of Christmas my true love sent to me, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree.
Ate them.

— Larry the Cat (@Number10cat) December 2, 2017

Before her trip aboard the Space Shuttle, NASA engineers asked astronaut Sally Ride if 100 tampons would be enough for her seven-day trip into space.

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) November 26, 2017

Mind blown. pic.twitter.com/cwdXexMqGu

— You Had One Job (@YouHadOneJ0B) November 26, 2017

Loving CNN's comms team today. pic.twitter.com/FCR45KA0B7

— Matt Haig (@matthaig1) November 26, 2017

Yes, everyone has anxiety. As an emotion. But anxiety as an illness is disabling and life-threatening. The two are related but dangerous to conflate them. Anxiety as an illness fuels itself, it spirals, it dominates every waking second. Not with worry but terror.

— Matt Haig (@matthaig1) November 26, 2017

People can be cruel without realising it. To dismiss someone's anxiety as something everyone has Is like dismissing someone's brain tumour because you once had a headache. I think the problem is the word. 'Anxiety' is too everyday and timid and mild. We need a new term.

— Matt Haig (@matthaig1) November 26, 2017

Here’s a new poem about nouns conversioning into verbs, entitled ‘Verb Your Enthusiasm’. pic.twitter.com/O9x3ii7mec

— Brian Bilston (@brian_bilston) November 17, 2017

"I don't want a lot for Christmas."

Later…

"All I want for Christmas is you."

EXACTLY WHAT DOES THAT DO FOR MY SELF-CONFIDENCE, MARIAH.

— Sacha Fernando (@sacha_is_good) December 14, 2014

MY HERO pic.twitter.com/Oh8CD0cMT8

— Keough Novak (@KeoNovak) December 24, 2016

for the 7th year in a row, Rick Astley refuses to give his wife her favorite Pixar movie for Christmas

— dan mentos (@DanMentos) December 1, 2015