ineke.co.uk

It’d actually be rude of England to win the rugby today. Like someone announcing their engagement at a friend’s wedding.

— Aisling Bea (@WeeMissBea) March 17, 2018

The birds have been busy. I like to think they had an early morning dance party. pic.twitter.com/Sq4rcepV4j

— Susan Calman (@SusanCalman) March 18, 2018

Some thoughts on this hat nonsense. Of course the BBC is biased against the left. It is also biased against the right. It’s impossible for a news service to be neutral. There is no such thing as neutrality. The centre is not neutral, it’s still a political position.

— Moose Allain (2024 edition) Ꙭ (@MooseAllain) March 18, 2018

Estate agent: Ange, what’s that thing called where people put horses? There’s one in the paddock at Honeysuckle Cottage.
Ange: *long pause* a horse house.
Estate agent: great, thanks. pic.twitter.com/zwIatw1NAM

— Clare Mackintosh (@claremackint0sh) March 11, 2018

Congratulations to Vladimir Putin for winning the election by the same score I got when teachers told us to mark our own tests and I didn’t want to make it look too suspicious.

— Pundamentalism (@Pundamentalism) March 19, 2018

If you think you’re a maths wizard, get a load of this guy. #Countdown pic.twitter.com/KHTuYqL7lv

— Channel 4 (@Channel4) March 19, 2018

In all probability this is one of the best blue plaques from @EnglishHeritage

cc #RealTimeChem @jimalkhalili @paulcoxon @Ri_Science @RogerHighfield pic.twitter.com/3TlIbxmSTy

— Prof Saiful Islam (@SaifulChemistry) March 19, 2018

If you hold hands with someone, your heart rates, breathing and brainwaves synchronise.

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) March 20, 2018

Marvel: 'Infinity War is the most ambitious crossover event in history'

me: pic.twitter.com/IHouxs8yp7

— Ali (@Azniac) March 20, 2018

My friend Emma refused to take her husband’s surname when they got married, because his surname is Dale.https://t.co/7ANlLwulsC

— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) March 21, 2018

#BonnetDeDouche everybody, not even this #Plonkers fake driving licence could stop their car being seized. Driver reported No DL & No Ins #A47 Terrington. #PotPourri #68 pic.twitter.com/OSJnN2RgII

— NS PoliceDogs (@NSPoliceDogs) March 21, 2018

How long did Cain hate his brother for?
As long as he was Abel.

— Jesus Tweets You (@JesusTweetsYou) March 22, 2018

WORLDS STRONGEST MAN CHALLENGE IDEA: Cutting a single slice off a frozen loaf of bread.

— Matt Edmondson (@MattEdmondson) March 22, 2018

On passports, I still think the best idea is to let people choose their own colour:

Maroon passport = you can continue to travel freely, work and live across the EU.
Blue passport = you can’t do any of that but you have a blue passport.

Everyone’s happy!

— David Schneider (@davidschneider) March 22, 2018

A man insisted I have his seat on the tube. Very nice of him, yes, but, great, that’s now me going to be lying in bed wide awake at 3am wondering if he thought I was either really old or pregnant.

— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) March 23, 2018

What Can Wash Away Our Sins? https://t.co/HQilb4bdKu

— The Church Sofa (@TheChurchSofa) March 23, 2018

The Inversnecky Cafe on Aberdeen Beach is famous for its puns and pithy messages, and I think this is one of the best! pic.twitter.com/P7lhI2Xrk3

— Neil Drysdale (@NeilDrysdale) March 21, 2018

Finished the stitching.
Now gotta tuck the excess and put a back on. 💀 pic.twitter.com/xWHKopru2T

— 🦇 🖤Toxic Cute🖤🦇 (@toxic_cute) March 20, 2018