ineke.co.uk

It’d actually be rude of England to win the rugby today. Like someone announcing their engagement at a friend’s wedding.

— Aisling Bea (@WeeMissBea) March 17, 2018

The birds have been busy. I like to think they had an early morning dance party. pic.twitter.com/Sq4rcepV4j

— Susan Calman (@SusanCalman) March 18, 2018

Some thoughts on this hat nonsense. Of course the BBC is biased against the left. It is also biased against the right. It’s impossible for a news service to be neutral. There is no such thing as neutrality. The centre is not neutral, it’s still a political position.

— MꙬse Allain (@MooseAllain) March 18, 2018

Estate agent: Ange, what’s that thing called where people put horses? There’s one in the paddock at Honeysuckle Cottage.
Ange: *long pause* a horse house.
Estate agent: great, thanks. pic.twitter.com/zwIatw1NAM

— Clare Mackintosh (@claremackint0sh) March 11, 2018

Thinking of anyone feeling fragile right now. It's okay. You get through this. Feelings can feel like everything, but they are ultimately just mind weather. The skies will clear.

— Matt Haig (@matthaig1) March 18, 2018

Congratulations to Vladimir Putin for winning the election by the same score I got when teachers told us to mark our own tests and I didn’t want to make it look too suspicious.

— Pundamentalism (@Pundamentalism) March 19, 2018

Attended a suicide today.

A mother who took her life without warning, without obvious reason.

Never said a word to anyone apart from "Yes love, I'll be down in a bit".

If you're struggling with thoughts of self harm please remember it's OK to talk

🌐 @samaritans ☎️ 116123

— PC Dave Wise (@CopThatCooks) March 17, 2018

If you think you’re a maths wizard, get a load of this guy. #Countdown pic.twitter.com/KHTuYqL7lv

— Channel 4 (@Channel4) March 19, 2018

In all probability this is one of the best blue plaques from @EnglishHeritage

cc #RealTimeChem @jimalkhalili @paulcoxon @Ri_Science @RogerHighfield pic.twitter.com/3TlIbxmSTy

— Prof Saiful Islam (@SaifulChemistry) March 19, 2018

If you hold hands with someone, your heart rates, breathing and brainwaves synchronise.

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) March 20, 2018

Marvel: Infinity War is the most ambitious crossover event in history.

Me: pic.twitter.com/czbosDr0Pk

— Fergus Butler-Gallie (@_F_B_G_) March 20, 2018

Marvel: 'Infinity War is the most ambitious crossover event in history'

me: pic.twitter.com/IHouxs8yp7

— Ali (@Azniac) March 20, 2018

Wait guys, forget all those other Marvel memes, I actually found the genuinely most ambitious crossover event in history. pic.twitter.com/kBuUcWd7P7

— Fergus Butler-Gallie (@_F_B_G_) March 23, 2018

My friend Emma refused to take her husband’s surname when they got married, because his surname is Dale.https://t.co/7ANlLwulsC

— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) March 21, 2018

#BonnetDeDouche everybody, not even this #Plonkers fake driving licence could stop their car being seized. Driver reported No DL & No Ins #A47 Terrington. #PotPourri #68 pic.twitter.com/OSJnN2RgII

— NS PoliceDogs (@NSPoliceDogs) March 21, 2018

the best interaction that i have ever had on this web site pic.twitter.com/NsgO1yWSqu

— DougExeter (@DougExeter) March 21, 2018

How long did Cain hate his brother for?
As long as he was Abel.

— Jesus Tweets You (@JesusTweetsYou) March 22, 2018

Looking at posts from people trying to sell mirrors is my new favourite thing pic.twitter.com/TnWpTbwFZY

— Siv (@SilviuMajor) March 21, 2018

WORLDS STRONGEST MAN CHALLENGE IDEA: Cutting a single slice off a frozen loaf of bread.

— Matt Edmondson (@MattEdmondson) March 22, 2018

On passports, I still think the best idea is to let people choose their own colour:

Maroon passport = you can continue to travel freely, work and live across the EU.
Blue passport = you can’t do any of that but you have a blue passport.

Everyone’s happy!

— David Schneider (@davidschneider) March 22, 2018

A man insisted I have his seat on the tube. Very nice of him, yes, but, great, that’s now me going to be lying in bed wide awake at 3am wondering if he thought I was either really old or pregnant.

— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) March 23, 2018

What Can Wash Away Our Sins? https://t.co/HQilb4bdKu

— The Church Sofa (@TheChurchSofa) March 23, 2018

The Inversnecky Cafe on Aberdeen Beach is famous for its puns and pithy messages, and I think this is one of the best! pic.twitter.com/P7lhI2Xrk3

— Neil Drysdale (@NeilDrysdale) March 21, 2018

Kudos to this shop. 👏🏻 pic.twitter.com/iHvzBfAykt

— You Had One Job (@_youhadonejob1) March 23, 2018

Finished the stitching.
Now gotta tuck the excess and put a back on. 💀 pic.twitter.com/xWHKopru2T

— 🖤Toxic🖤 (@toxic_cute) March 20, 2018

Overheard:

7yo: What's privilege?
5yo: I think it's when some ppl can eat candy every day. They don't have to even ask. They get it. And some people can't get any even if they ask nicely.
7yo: that is… so sad.
5yo: SO sad#MindBlown

— Aisha Saeed (@aishacs) March 23, 2018