ineke.co.uk

I deduce, Watson, that the person who lives here likes a drink. pic.twitter.com/SQwrUf8qm8

— Pete Fraser (@petefrasermusic) April 15, 2018

“What do we want?”
“Free sanitary products!”
“When do we want them?”
“Not while we’re eating dessert at an experimental Japanese restaurant, but thanks for the thought.”

(Pic: @illicit_empress) pic.twitter.com/wkUsuVj7tI

— We Want Plates 🍽 (@WeWantPlates) April 15, 2018

To HURKLE-DURKLE is to lie in bed or lounge about when one should be up and about.

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) April 16, 2018

So, let me get this straight…

We're bombing Syria, because Syria bombed Syria, to show Syria that Syria shouldn't bomb Syria.

Then, after we've bombed Syria for bombing Syria, we still won't accept Syrian refugees that are seeking refuge from the bombing.

Got it.

— Adam Sweeney (@AdamWSweeney) April 14, 2018

Kids these days will never appreciate the fact that once there was a time when you would switch on the TV and there wasn’t an episode of Friends to watch.

— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) April 17, 2018

Perhaps this is why Weatherspoons decided Twitter was too much trouble pic.twitter.com/iQersVgxtm

— Jeremy Vine (@theJeremyVine) April 17, 2018

In 2015, a Manchester man started graffitiing giant penises onto potholes so that the council would clear them up faster. He was nicknamed ‘Wanksy’.

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) April 17, 2018

If you're unsure about voting, it combines the fun of Eurovision with the small pencils of Argos.

— innocent drinks (@innocent) April 17, 2018

Maybe Jesus is more interested in giving us a “to be” list, not a “to do” list? ‘Who are you becoming?’ is a better question than ‘What should I be doing?’ especially if you’re thinking about graduating into the sea of choice & no-guarantees-of-a-job world #characterbeforecareer

— Miriam Swaffield (@miriamswaff) April 18, 2018

Other people have better ideas than you. You do not know everything. Find a vision greater than your own self-centred one. Do hard things you don’t want to do. Your future self will thank you. Everything worthwhile is uphill. https://t.co/FoZanJuo1x

— Sam Hailes ن (@samhailes) April 19, 2018

In October in Japan they celebrate National Statistics Day, but there is one figure that won't be included. Officials do not yet keep statistics on the number of statistics they keep.

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) April 19, 2018

this is what the world map sounds like on the piano😮 pic.twitter.com/eyonAOz3D9

— kara☀︎ (@karaweeks_) April 17, 2018

Before every social movement that has changed the world, everyone says:
"That is impossible."
After every social movement that has changed the world, everyone says:
"That was inevitable."

— Shane Claiborne (@ShaneClaiborne) April 20, 2018

To everyone who voted Brexit, I would just like to point out this is very much European weather.

— Matt Haig (@matthaig1) April 20, 2018

The best PR in history is whoever managed to spin it so that Willy Wonka is remembered as a confectioner rather than a mass child murderer.

— Pundamentalism (@Pundamentalism) April 20, 2018

The DoE booked himself in for a hip replacement so he could miss this. There wasn’t even anything wrong with his hip. #Queensbirthdayparty

— Elizabeth Windsor (@Queen_UK) April 21, 2018

Poor Melania. You never see her smile. Oh no, hold on… pic.twitter.com/x5oO3RymhU

— David Schneider (@davidschneider) April 21, 2018

I'm really enjoying my life. Not an exciting tweet, but I'm putting it on record in case you're in the terrible place I was in 2014/5. Things can change.

— Mark Watson (@watsoncomedian) April 20, 2018

How many times has that happened before they need a sign? pic.twitter.com/ciJam2xM6V

— You Had One Job (@_youhadonejob1) April 20, 2018