ineke.co.uk

It's the news you've all been waiting for… #SewingBee is coming back to @BBCTwo! Apply to be one of our sewers: https://t.co/GzOzl2SlMS pic.twitter.com/xeTByDYC9E

— Sewing Bee (@sewingbee) April 25, 2018

A letter to Jacob Rees-Mogg.

"Standing at the pick-and-mix counter in a sweet shop, only choosing the fizzy snakes." pic.twitter.com/2SxrvtgsuK

— Dr Lauren Gavaghan (@DancingTheMind) September 10, 2017

Maplins in Shrewsbury @BBCNews pic.twitter.com/NW5EDiiZJo

— Remainbow Warrior #FBPE #ABTV #WATON #OFOC! (@SandraDunn1955) April 28, 2018

Since fossils don't preserve soft tissue, it's hard to tell what dinosaurs might have looked like. Many artists just leave off possible feathers, quills and skin flaps. But if we drew modern animals the same way – well, baboons might look like this. 🖼️: https://t.co/kmWy3LBW5J pic.twitter.com/yrYP8PeXWG

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) April 29, 2018

We're celebrating our 19th birthday today. Our last year of being a teenager. Won't be long before we have to talk about about mortgages, school runs, and the weather.

— innocent drinks (@innocent) April 30, 2018

Our mangled idioms:
head over heels (originally 'heels over head')
have your cake and eat it (originally 'eat your cake and have your cake')
a matter of life and death ('life OR death')
cheap at half the price ('cheap at twice the price')
and…don't eat with your mouth full.

— Susie Dent (@susie_dent) April 30, 2018

Nelson Mandela described meeting The Spice Girls as "one of the greatest moments of my life".

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) April 30, 2018

I hope someone makes Amber Rudd aware of her letter of resignation. Just in case she's not read it.

— Jono Read (@jonoread) April 29, 2018

Wife: "What are you thinking about?"

Me, thinking about how messed up it is that the Flintstones move faster in their cars than normally, when it should be the other way round due to the excess weight they're carrying: "Oh, nothing in particular."

— Pundamentalism (@Pundamentalism) April 30, 2018

Doors open in 9 minutes. 3 of the 4. The 4th still doesn't open. One day, maybe, it will. And on that day we shall rejoice. pic.twitter.com/e3kcRly83t

— Waterstones Swansea (@swanseastones) May 1, 2018

Incredibly Theresa May has lost FIVE cabinet ministers since last year’s general election; even more incredibly none of them have been Boris Johnson.

— Larry the Cat (@Number10cat) May 1, 2018

Most of the trouble in the world is caused by people wanting to be important. T. S. ELIOT

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) May 1, 2018

This is my friend's daughter's cat. His name is Frank. And basically I think he should be trending. #humancat pic.twitter.com/o7eDPRe8Ij

— Luci Gosling (@lucigosling) April 21, 2018

https://t.co/KyShZvaJoz is a Netflix parody site that streams content which is perfect to fall asleep to. Current shows include Tour de France 1992, Crossword Puzzle Tournament and Matthew McConaughey Watching Rain.

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) May 2, 2018

CHEER up a bereavement card by popping a £10 note in it.
(via @c_rollinson)

— Twop Twips (@TwopTwips) May 2, 2018

dough: a bread, an uncooked bread
ray: of sun that cooks the bread
me: a gal who eats the bread
fa: ther also eats the bread
so: da bread’s a kind of bread
la: vash is another bread
tea: a drink. anyway, bread!
that will bring us back to dough

— rachel axler (@rachelaxler) May 1, 2018

Nice leaflet from the Ilford Conservative Party. #MailMergeFail pic.twitter.com/gcU6JZMgi7

— Phil Stanier (@PhilStanier) May 1, 2018

As it's claimed Donald Trump wrote his own 2015 health letter, doctors admit that the signs were there: pic.twitter.com/NOHjqzFtD8

— Have I Got News For You (@haveigotnews) May 2, 2018

The woman at the end. pic.twitter.com/CcT0VOxabq

— Catrin Nye (@CatrinNye) May 1, 2018

Please God they don’t do this with Only Connect. pic.twitter.com/KkJShlwb4l

— Victoria Coren M. (@VictoriaCoren) May 3, 2018

Despite a terrible night at the polls, UKIP successfully defend their safest seat: pic.twitter.com/0bWeKA1iZv

— Have I Got News For You (@haveigotnews) May 4, 2018

One of the best things about those ‘Dog greets owner they haven’t seen for a year’ type videos is that you know the dog would behave pretty much exactly the same even if the owner had only popped outside for 2 minutes to put the bins out.

— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) May 4, 2018

I'm just gonna put this here pic.twitter.com/BLbTFRnKq3

— Terrible Maps (@TerribleMaps) May 4, 2018

HOT TAKE: It is still okay to like people who don't have all your opinions.

— Matt Haig (@matthaig1) May 4, 2018

France is banning shops from throwing away unsold clothes. Companies will be obliged to donate unsold items to recycling organisations or charities for reusehttps://t.co/pVck8lNBYj

— i newspaper (@theipaper) May 4, 2018

cat within a cat pic.twitter.com/BvYtITrCut

— 🐈 (@catsu) May 4, 2018

I don’t want to live in a world where toilets can’t roam free pic.twitter.com/t2dD44Gc4f

— James Veitch (@veitchtweets) May 5, 2018