ineke.co.uk

Stop kidding yourself and throw away your Gü ramekins.

— Jay Foreman (@jayforeman) May 25, 2018

*looks up at the night sky*

⭐️ WE’VE ⭐️ ⭐️
⭐️ ⭐️ UPDATED ⭐️
⭐️ ⭐️ OUR ⭐️
⭐️
⭐️ ⭐️ PRIVACY ⭐️ ⭐️

⭐️ ⭐️ POLICY ⭐️ ⭐️

— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) May 25, 2018

The word ‘donkey’ used to rhyme with ‘monkey’.

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) May 27, 2018

Calming blue lights installed at the end of Japanese railway platforms have been shown to reduce the suicide rate at stations by 84%.

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) May 27, 2018

It literally has boundaries. pic.twitter.com/SpTgRYmz85

— David Mooney (@DavidMooney) May 26, 2018

Wow, GDPR really worked https://t.co/cCHsLFwJh8

— Sean Leahy (@thepunningman) May 27, 2018

On Strictly, I promised the audience I’d get a specific tattoo if me and @keviclifton got to Blackpool.
1. I always keep my promises
2. I added a sun for Bring Me Sunshine
3. It’s full of joy and a reminder of what I can achieve if I dance outside my comfort zone. I love it! pic.twitter.com/dHw4Tz174k

— Susan Calman (@SusanCalman) May 28, 2018

Picking a destination for your summer holidays? How about flying into FUN (Funafuti International Airport, Tuvalu)? Other notable destinations to consider: BOO (Bodø, Norway), BUM (Butler Memorial Airport, Missouri), BRR (Barra, Scotland) – or even SEX (Sembach Kaserne, Germany).

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) May 28, 2018

100 Years is a movie starring John Malkovich, made in 2015 and due to be released in 2115. The film is locked away in a safe with a timed release mechanism and invitations to the screening have been carved in stone, to be handed down to descendants of the invitees.

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) May 28, 2018

Saying #Brexit will make us poorer:
97% of academics
ALL of big business (CBI)
Every former PM alive
IMF
World Bank
Every major bank
HM Treasury

Saying Brexit is great:
Boris Johnson (proven liar)
Nigel Farage (proven liar)
J Mogg (proven liar)
Steve Baker (proven liar)

— Rhena E. (@tempora_magda) May 27, 2018

The whole country could be swarming with chameleons and you'd never know.

— innocent drinks (@innocent) May 30, 2018

The discrepancy between your biological clock and your school or work schedule is called ‘social jet lag’.

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) May 30, 2018

A pretty etymology for the day: the word ‘daisy’ is a shortening of ‘day’s eye’, because the flower opens its petals at dawn to reveal its yellow disc, and then closes them again at night.

— Susie Dent (@susie_dent) May 30, 2018

Overheard a woman in Tesco speaking to her husband.

“Put it back, Terry. You know we only have Finest if it’s got a yellow sticker on it”

— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) May 30, 2018

So M&S now sell a 2kg Colin and
1: lol that they think it'll serve 40, I will eat the whole thing
2: lol that they've ignored the importance of a comma…BUT
2a: if they're suggesting using a 2kg cake to tell your mate to break up with their other half then TEN POINTS, M&S 🐛 pic.twitter.com/RG2ySauhmo

— Flen (@helloflen_) May 29, 2018

After meeting Kim Kardashian to discuss prison reform, Donald Trump reveals schedule for the rest of the week: pic.twitter.com/TYIcihnYKO

— Have I Got News For You (@haveigotnews) May 31, 2018

When self-described US evangelicals support Trump, seek donations for private jets, oppose gun control and ignore racism they discredit themselves and sadly the whole church.

— Kevin Bennett (@kevinleebennett) May 30, 2018

dear @Twitter … along with an edit tool, would love a “3 second” rule on likes… scrolling can produce unintended likes (w/o ambien). and if they didn’t stick right away, would have a chance to unlike.
♥️ me

— Monica Lewinsky (she/her) (@MonicaLewinsky) May 31, 2018

Don’t worry, this just sounds like the beginning of a Madagascar movie, @BBCBreaking 🦁 🐯 #Madagascar #TheyreJustFilming #PenguinsOfMadagascar https://t.co/thb0duyxF2

— Simon Lodge (@silodge) June 1, 2018

Don’t make my do the ‘World Cup Of Who’s Going To Win The World Cup’.

— Richard Osman (@richardosman) June 1, 2018

When libraries troll their patrons. pic.twitter.com/Hn8a96f8je

— Bart Leib 🐀 (@Metafrantic) February 4, 2018

“We should really start thinking about making a move” – Translation: We’ve been trying to leave for many hours

— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) June 1, 2018

I won't see myself as truly middle class until I have a fridge w/ a fully functioning ice dispenser.

— Drew (@drewdyck) June 1, 2018

Dude. Thats the wrong Kim.

— Tobias Wedermann (@t_wedernoch) May 31, 2018

We did not EGGS-PECT that. #Taskmaster pic.twitter.com/QVaqVVph6f

— Dave (@davechannel) May 30, 2018

#OTD 1977: John Noakes scaled Nelson's Column, on a wobbly ladder… with no safety harness…and no helmet…wearing flares… to clean some pigeon poo. Don't try this. Anywhere. Ever. pic.twitter.com/J5NfUvZQPA

— BBC Archive (@BBCArchive) May 30, 2018