ineke.co.uk

Based on past statements about what "people don't know" Trump had no idea those were the same country until this week. Think we could get a pool reporter to ask him to comment on the ongoing conflict between the Dutch, Holland, and the Netherlands?

— Mr. Flibble Is Very Cross (@jjs781) July 15, 2018

Stolen off Facebook. Her mum had to rewind the news as she thought she'd seen a giraffe running across the background…… I. Cannot. Breathe 😂😂😂 pic.twitter.com/hraQu0KOJi

— Lesley (@weswee37) July 17, 2018

The fox I planted last year is coming along nicely. pic.twitter.com/o6PbMREzpp

— Helen Dale (not on your team, but always fair) (@_HelenDale) July 15, 2018

Whenever I get blue I just remember that life could be worse: I could be dating someone who makes me film them lifting weights at the gym for social media

— Whitney Cummings (@WhitneyCummings) July 16, 2018

*gets up in the morning*
blogger: I HAVE HACKED TIME pic.twitter.com/VkF5P6ok6V

— Josh Pedro (@drawjosh) July 18, 2018

Shoreditch, you’ve gone too far. pic.twitter.com/iu7JibOid3

— Summer Ray (@SummerRay) July 19, 2018

Still think this is the best story of the World Cup pic.twitter.com/0QitLDZRHS

— Amitai Winehouse (@awinehouse1) July 10, 2018

Poster for Snakes On A Plane 2 revealed: pic.twitter.com/6Xu4xBUwGk

— Have I Got News For You (@haveigotnews) July 14, 2018

BREAKING: President of the United States arrives for summit with Donald Trump. pic.twitter.com/TfrQn9FMd6

— Have I Got News For You (@haveigotnews) July 16, 2018

MONDAY MOTIVATION
The World Cup can't even hold tea, yet it still became the World Cup. Just think what you can achieve.

— innocent drinks (@innocent) July 16, 2018

BREAKING: Elon Musk labels local firemen ‘nonces’ for putting out orphanage fire with hoses instead of using his ice-laser rocket ship.

— Pundamentalism (@Pundamentalism) July 16, 2018

10 British points today to anyone who says the sentence "We need a good storm to clear the air.”

— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) July 16, 2018

Pretty cool that the referendum wasn't legally binding and that the winning campaign cheated so we're going to nosedive the country into the sea just so some guys with flags for avatars don't get stroppy.

— TechnicallyRon (On all the platforms) (@TechnicallyRon) July 17, 2018

A repeat of me hosting #HIGNFY got more viewers than an interview with the failing low-ratings @realdonaldtrump Sad! https://t.co/HphCLQOwio

— Stephen Mangan (@StephenMangan) July 18, 2018

Fixed it.

How much woodn't could a woodnotchuck not chuck
If a woodnotchuck could not chuck woodn't?
As much woodn't as a woodnotchuck could not chuck,
If a woodnotchuck could not chuck wood. Not.

— David Baddiel (@Baddiel) July 18, 2018

Suggested penalty for people who use a train seat for their bag: The bag can remain on the seat but the owner must travel in the luggage rack

— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) July 19, 2018

A reminder, in the midst of Brooch-gate that the Queen has a track record in winding up rogue foreign leaders. pic.twitter.com/8ZgWVUehHL

— Fergus Butler-Gallie (@_F_B_G_) July 18, 2018

Oranges are unknown in the wild (they are a man-made hybrid of the mandarin and the pomelo, or ‘Chinese grapefruit’).

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) July 20, 2018

Hiring someone to knock on the door of Number 10 when I want to come in is the best decision I’ve ever made
(Photos: @justin_ng) pic.twitter.com/hOFMIanSpH

— Larry the Cat (@Number10cat) July 20, 2018

#would #wouldnt pic.twitter.com/8de42fUJW1

— Specsavers (@Specsavers) July 20, 2018

Word of the evening: petrichor – the unique smell of rain falling on scorched earth, after a long spell of hot weather.

— Susie Dent (@susie_dent) July 20, 2018

Even after controlling for such factors as income, education and wealth, people who read books live longer than those who don't.

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) July 20, 2018

OVERMORROW (archaic) – the day after tomorrow.
EREYESTERDAY (archaic) – the day before yesterday.

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) July 21, 2018

True Christianity is like that one amazing movie that you are trying to get people to watch but they don't want to because all the trailers for it suck.

— VARIETY & SUCH (@varietyandsuch) July 18, 2018

In the woods with my dogs earlier. Heard a woman shout “Pete, Bob, Glenn, Dave!” and 3 chihuahuas and a German Shepherd came running out from the trees.
So that was my day made.

— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) July 20, 2018

There's a machine at darlo train station that charges your phone, £2 for 20 mins.
Someone's unplugged it and is charging thier phone in its socket.

— Reece (@Hugill) July 20, 2018

Given the Lib Dems' sole excuse for existing right now is to be the 'Stop Brexit party', this is off the charts. https://t.co/9MDeUNQ9Ll

— Owen Jones (@owenjonesjourno) July 16, 2018

Happy #Caturday pic.twitter.com/M9ZtDOh825

— Larry the Cat (@Number10cat) July 21, 2018

Look at how the UK is turning brown after the lack of rainfall (Photo source: @metoffice) #Summer2018 #ukheatwave pic.twitter.com/McubDTZI3c

— Tomasz Schafernaker (@Schafernaker) July 18, 2018