ineke.co.uk

As the UK heatwave continues, the shadows of ancient settlements have begun appearing in the fields.

Ancient ditches create lines of deeper soil, retaining more moisture and meaning the crops grow thicker.

Source: https://t.co/oTe17UT8U6 pic.twitter.com/eFPuDGTRCF

— Paul 🌹📚 Cooper (@PaulMMCooper) July 8, 2018

WHSmith sells booze under conditions which make it impossible to drink pic.twitter.com/4iGBB3l2Mq

— Simon Byron (@byronicman) July 21, 2018

“I’ll check it out” – Translation: I will never watch the television programme you just suggested I watch

— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) July 21, 2018

Lee Child making an excellent point that people will pay £5 for two coffees but yet often baulk at how ‘expensive’ books are, a book that could change your life, that may have taken an author years to write. (I couldn’t agree more with this.)

— Alison Hennessey (@Alison_Edits) July 21, 2018

on our walk today. i tried to say hello to a person passing by. but they backed away. and continued on. without so much as a smile. the human later explained. that not everyone is going to like me. and i need to be okay with that. but here’s the thing.. i’m not okay with that

— Thoughts of Dog (@dog_feelings) July 21, 2018

Can’t even believe this needs to be said but… here’s the difference between James Gunn and Roseanne: pedophilia jokes aren’t pedophilia; racist jokes are racism

— Dana Schwartz (@DanaSchwartzzz) July 21, 2018

Look what was sitting on the shelf in the small @WHSmith in Mill Hill. Hardly an impulse buy to be taking up space….. can’t remember last time I saw a VHS in a shop. pic.twitter.com/BqClZyg68D

— James Bowman (@JamesBowmanPwC) July 21, 2018

It presumably didn’t take a man to explain what was wrong with this adverthttps://t.co/29pxqUfDjB pic.twitter.com/9NQWBtimS6

— The Poke (@ThePoke) July 22, 2018

DVLA urges drivers to retake eye test, although Brexiteers insist this is anti-democratic and the result of the first test should stand forever.

— Have I Got News For You (@haveigotnews) July 23, 2018

Things the UK is hotter than today:
1. Spain
2. Lava
3. Tabasco
4. The sun
5. A sauna
6. A sauna on the sun
7. The Earth's core
8. The inside of a tent any time after 7am
9. A shower when somebody nearby runs a tap
10. A laptop after 20 minutes of use
11. Mordor#HeatwaveUK

— innocent drinks (@innocent) July 24, 2018

Things the UK is hotter than, part 2:
12. Texas
13. A bonfire
14. A jacket potato
15. A vindaloo
16. The inside of a toasted Pop Tart
17. The inside of a toasted pitta bread
18. The inside of pretty much anything that's been in a toaster
19. The inside of a toaster#HeatwaveUK

— innocent drinks (@innocent) July 24, 2018

Things the UK is hotter than, part 3:
20. Leather car seats
21. Cheese fondue
22. Running a marathon in Mexico
23. Running a hot bath in Mexico
24. Running a temperature in Mexico
25. Mexico
26. Antarctica
27. Boiling water #HeatwaveUK

— innocent drinks (@innocent) July 24, 2018

The big difference between the heatwaves of 1976 and 2018.
June 1976: the UK was one of the warmest places relative to normal across the globe, with most areas cooler than average.
June 2018: the UK was just another warm blob in a mostly warmer than normal world.#GlobalHeatwave. pic.twitter.com/eIsj7glEiE

— Simon Lee (@SimonLeeWx) July 22, 2018

*sings*
“10 DUPers propping up Ms May,
10 DUPers propping up Ms May,
And if one DUPer should accidentally fall…”https://t.co/TXC7ixHWKx

— David Schneider (@davidschneider) July 24, 2018

I don't normally post political tweets but this is surely something that we can all get behind. pic.twitter.com/TZJQc68NL0

— Paul Bronks (@BoringEnormous) July 24, 2018

Watch the moment a Queen's guard appears to shove a tourist out of his way.

For more of today's news and videos, head here: https://t.co/z6jLgXHrVF pic.twitter.com/Zw79nYN9km

— Sky News (@SkyNews) July 25, 2018

This is such a fabulously British complaint-and-response.

“Help I am so hot I'm dying.”

“Don't worry, you will be cooler in TWELVE YEARS." pic.twitter.com/veMgMd8PFM

— Jeremy Vine (@theJeremyVine) July 25, 2018

A handy guide to how Brits are affected by temperature. #heatwave pic.twitter.com/9IohmO6To0

— Oonagh (@Okeating) July 19, 2016

It's hot, so I've let all our books take their jackets off.
This is a novel tweet isn't it?
Hello.

— Big Green Bookshop (@Biggreenbooks) July 23, 2018

Everyone complaining about the sun: I promise you, really soon the weather will revert to the 47-weeks-a-year miserable damp-cold horseshit that makes you want to blow your brains out. So just let us have this, please?

— Mark Watson (@watsoncomedian) July 9, 2018

If it's hot where you are, please stay inside and drink plenty of
fluids. Unless you deny climate change! In which case, thirst is also just fake science, so you should just drink sawdust!

— Bette Midler (@BetteMidler) July 9, 2018

Referendum to have law placed in constitution that if the weather is hotter than 25 degrees, work is cancelled.

— Sue Kirk (@SueKirk) June 27, 2018

#Heatwave: Councils across the UK rejoice after melting roads begin to fill in their own potholes.

— Have I Got News For You (@haveigotnews) June 27, 2018

I would like for the next president to understand words. https://t.co/oPYEOFWpmw

— Stephanie Wittels Wachs (@wittelstephanie) July 25, 2018

There is a region around Guatemala City also called Guatemala. Given that the city is often shortened to ‘Guatemala’, approximately 3 million people have the address ‘Guatemala, Guatemala, Guatemala’.

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) July 25, 2018

If you’re comparing calls for a #PeoplesVote to wanting to re-run a football match then fine, as long as it’s a match where one team played with 13 players, promised everyone in the crowd £350m a week, and the result left people without food and medicine at the end.

— David Schneider (@davidschneider) July 26, 2018

Pretend you're the government at work today by knocking off for your summer holidays, leaving nobody able to spot the difference. pic.twitter.com/IvoiGqdf62

— The Poke (@ThePoke) July 27, 2018

Old lady next to me on train: “I couldn't sit in my reserved seat because someone was in it and they refused to move.”
She then adds: “I can't remember the last time I managed to sit in my reserved seat.”

What is wrong with people

— Jeremy Vine (@theJeremyVine) July 27, 2018

The White House Twitter account has literally misspelled “United States” pic.twitter.com/jtQ7Qchl3z

— Larry the Cat (@Number10cat) July 27, 2018

I used Google autocomplete to write a dating profile and it may be the best dating profile ever pic.twitter.com/DyspovLr3t

— TechnicallyRon (@TechnicallyRon) January 21, 2016

Overheard in the makeup room: ‘Urgh I stopped watching #thehandmaidstale in season one. Got sick of seeing them in the same outfits every episode.’

Lol

— Sarah Harris 🌮 (@SarahHarris) July 12, 2018

When the hunt is over and you've killed the duck, but the duck is cleverer than you think pic.twitter.com/yKgGBA8aCu
(via @cory_1077)

— Jeremy Vine (@theJeremyVine) July 28, 2018

Just been sent this.. 😂😂😂 pic.twitter.com/TD2Adb3T36

— Elle (@ellelb92) July 19, 2018

If you’ve had a rough Monday, here’s a short clip of a baby elephant taking a bath.

You’re welcome. pic.twitter.com/63zTdIP4fr

— Qasim Rashid, Esq. (@MuslimIQ) July 23, 2018