ineke.co.uk

He looks like he’s trying to cheat off the other kids & he STILL did it wrong. Stare into an eclipse more, ya goober. https://t.co/a0mLuKw5nE

— Caissie St.Onge (@Caissie) August 25, 2018

As Donald Trump says his impeachment would cause a market crash, financial experts argue sales of champagne and party hats would actually give the economy a boost.

— Have I Got News For You (@haveigotnews) August 24, 2018

Fact of the day – the first ever episode of Thomas The Tank Engine was broadcast LIVE in 1953 and one of the model trains derailed so all the kids watched a giant hand come down from the sky and put the Henry back on the rails

— Alex Bell (@alexbell) August 24, 2018

#NationalDogDay pic.twitter.com/9xt4j5VEwu

— Larry the Cat (@Number10cat) August 26, 2018

Just for today only #NationalDogDay pic.twitter.com/rfnBocuyDF

— Evie the Cat (@HMCabinetCat) August 26, 2018

Great response to this. Personally I think audience participation can be a great and inclusive thing. Breaking the fourth wall in style. But people should have the right to know if they could be picked on. Also: the best audience participation isn’t ‘picking on’. https://t.co/lxrIfs2AiA

— Matt Haig (@matthaig1) August 27, 2018

And now the #BankHolidayMonday weather pic.twitter.com/xfuuRQ4pXs

— Dave (@davechannel) August 27, 2018

Alan Alda met his wife when they were the only two people at a party willing to eat a cake off the floor.

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) August 26, 2018

Percentage of Bake Off spent marvelling at the baking: 49%
Percentage of Bake Off spent marvelling at the magic slidey oven doors: 51%#GBBO

— innocent drinks (@innocent) August 28, 2018

Soul Survivor, what are you doing to my poor bank account?! pic.twitter.com/mkSNtqt6am

— Martin Saunders (@martinsaunders) August 28, 2018

Everyone in my work life who has recommended to me to take my recipes offline, reduce my free output, give less away, do less with food banks, stop talking about inequality…

…no longer works for me. Food banks saved my life. I will never repay that debt in full.

— Jack Monroe (@BootstrapCook) August 29, 2018

Shops to be banned from selling energy drinks to children, despite concerns among Brexiteers it will affect their performance in the chimneys.

— Have I Got News For You (@haveigotnews) August 30, 2018

"Also racist." https://t.co/uJ2hPL3dKi

— J.K. Rowling (@jk_rowling) August 31, 2018

It's going to take another 3 years to get Big Ben up and running again, ridiculous considering they're working around the clock.

— Dad's Puns (@DadsPuns) September 1, 2018

This remains one of my favourite things to have happened on Facebook. pic.twitter.com/pJZqDOzPNJ

— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) September 1, 2018

70% of people take twice as long to turn off a robot if it tells them it’s scared of the dark or begs them not to do it. The other 30% won’t be able to bring themselves to turn it off at all. (https://t.co/Fr5l4Sy9C2) pic.twitter.com/cEMjoH2P68

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) September 1, 2018

remember when kelly rowland sent nelly a text using microsoft excel and got mad when he didn't reply pic.twitter.com/X1qWADVO6U

— 👌 (@mattwhitlockPM) August 30, 2018

How to confuse a vegetarian. pic.twitter.com/dyy6hWhH2K

— You Had One Job (@_youhadonejob1) August 31, 2018

Time is a great teacher. Unfortunately, it kills all its pupils. – HECTOR BERLIOZ

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) August 31, 2018

If women don’t want to take their husband’s name when they get married that’s absolutely cool, whatever their reason, but my favourite reason for a woman not taking her husband’s name is my friend Emma’s.

Emma married a man with the surname Dale.

— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) August 31, 2018

As Wonga goes into administration, borrowers respond by bundling all their lacks of sympathy into one easy-to-manage lack of sympathy. pic.twitter.com/pQPZP2XDz2

— The Poke (@ThePoke) August 31, 2018

I am afraid it looks like you want to have sex with the mayor pic.twitter.com/s3udA1Eiw0

— rick (@rickburin) September 1, 2018

Looks like a beautifully diverse, accepting, thriving street to me. Proud to live in London and to mix with people of all cultures and beliefs without prejudice. You'll never experience that glow which I pity you for, genuinely. https://t.co/Ds0CL6IbyR

— Duncan Lindsay (@DuncanLindsay) August 25, 2018

That’s good. pic.twitter.com/z5lO7XxHSn

— You Had One Job (@_youhadonejob1) September 1, 2018

George W. Bush sneaking a piece of candy to Michelle Obama is warming my heart . pic.twitter.com/pAtDdIcSeB

— Roland Scahill (@rolandscahill) September 1, 2018

Congratulations. Is the baby bigger than you?!🤣🙋🏼‍♂️😍 https://t.co/NZiHWAbR98

— Alan Shearer (@alanshearer) September 1, 2018

The best thing to do is make minimal effort with your look.
If you make a minimal effort, when you do make more of an effort people are like “Wow! You look great!” but if you make a maximum effort all the time, if ever you make less effort, people think you’re tired or ill.

— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) September 1, 2018

I enjoy watching her dance. It's watching her lead a country that is terrifying. https://t.co/1MWvoevxJl

— Matt Haig (@matthaig1) August 31, 2018

"You're selling us self-consciousness." Jameela Jamil explains why she thinks the Kardashians are "double agents for the patriarchy", in the latest Ways to Change the World podcast. pic.twitter.com/NWHfGH2wNs

— Channel 4 News (@Channel4News) August 31, 2018