ineke.co.uk

Manchester morning graffiti… pic.twitter.com/JDZicfsBLB

— Jon Turner (@jjturner) December 28, 2018

Do nurses get chastised if they don't only tweet about nursing, or postal workers if every tweet is not about difficult dogs or lethal letterboxes? I'm an MP, I also have hair I'd like to sometimes tweet about my failure to curl my hair as well as economic policy. Ta https://t.co/j8trFVTkxv

— Jess Phillips MP (@jessphillips) December 29, 2018

1940 – we will fight them on the beaches (nazis)

2018 – we will fight them on the beaches (refugees)

— The Poke (@ThePoke) December 30, 2018

Did my dog just pet my cat?? And did my cat just hug my dog?? pic.twitter.com/PuNWB1Ggzw

— Jordan Ireland (@jor_nicole4) December 28, 2018

The feeling I get when I check my apps before I go to bed is the same one a farmer gets when he’s made sure all the gates are closed in the fields.

— Aisling Bea (@WeeMissBea) December 30, 2018

People aren’t going to believe this but the novel #LesMiserables by Hugo doesn’t have any songs in it either.

— Stig Abell (@StigAbell) December 30, 2018

I had a Cadbury’s Double Decker for the first time EVER yesterday. I always assumed it had raisins and orange in it. It doesn’t. It’s glorious. It’s like a Toffee Crisp had sex with a Boost.

And now I have to come to terms with the fact that I’ve basically wasted my life.

— Chris Ramsey (@IAmChrisRamsey) December 31, 2018

When talking to the Queen, staff are required to refer to Sir Alex Ferguson as “Man you knighted”.

— Pundamentalism (@Pundamentalism) December 31, 2018

Dear the Government, instead of spending over £3m on the London fireworks display, why not welcome in 2019 by helping the homeless and hungry instead? Just a thought. #HappyNewYear2019

— King Charles III (parody) (@Charles_HRH) January 1, 2019

End of 2016: That year can shit off. Here’s to a better 2017!

End of 2017: That year can shit off. Here’s to a better 2018!

End of 2018: That year can shit off. 2019 is going to be fucking worse though, isn’t it.

— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) January 1, 2019

Look back and thank God.
Look forward and trust God.
Look around and serve God.
Look up and seek God.
#HappyNewYear⁠ ⁠

— Nicky Gumbel (@nickygumbel) December 31, 2018

Remember to greet everyone today with "I haven't seen you all year!" to really test the patience of everyone you meet.

— Dave (@davechannel) January 1, 2019

There are no more twentieth century children. pic.twitter.com/jXRxwTA1xW

— Daniel Benneworth-Gray (@gray) January 1, 2019

The countdown has officially begun. Return to Downton Abbey. September 2019. #DowntonAbbeyFilm pic.twitter.com/LEfFeMLJbi

— Downton Abbey (@DowntonAbbey) January 1, 2019

“Took me 50 long years just to work out/That because I was angry didn’t mean I was right” – RIP Jackie Leven…

— Ian Rankin (@Beathhigh) January 1, 2019

Imagine 2019.

We stop May’s deal on 14/1

Parliament blocks “no deal” by end Jan

Feb: debate over Art 50 extension plus either Norway Plus or @peoplesvote_uk – & PV wins.

National vote on deal vs remain in July. Remain wins.#ExitBrexit @LibDems #Happy2019

— Ed Davey (@EdwardJDavey) December 31, 2018

January 2nd. A bleary-eyed nation returns to work, only to find they've completely forgotten everything about their job. #BackToWork

— innocent drinks (@innocent) January 2, 2019

I'm wearing actual clothes and not pyjamas and I didn't have a chocolate based breakfast.
My body doesn't know what the hell is going on right now and I think it might have gone slightly into shock.

— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) January 2, 2019

Happy "Can't Remember Any Of Your Work Passwords" Day, everyone.

— Pundamentalism (@Pundamentalism) January 2, 2019

Quality bargains to be had at @coopukfood pic.twitter.com/mgU4pUemmb

— Barry, from the "band" Oxygen Thief (@oxygenthiefYEAH) January 2, 2019

Piers Morgan tweeting about being anti the new vegan sausage rolls from Greggs. pic.twitter.com/FcafrynlCS

— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) January 2, 2019

This vegan sausage roll story certainly putting the the migrant crisis into some perspective.

— The Poke (@ThePoke) January 2, 2019

Another key difference from previous years has been the change of editorship at the Express, which had always been the runaway "winner". Gary Jones has said that he doesn't want his paper to be offensive and there have been hardly any migration splashes since he took the chair

— liz gerard (@gameoldgirl) January 3, 2019

Michelle and Barack Obama review Les Miserables pic.twitter.com/4gyvEkOXut

— Anita Singh (@anitathetweeter) January 2, 2019

i found a really good stick. but i chewed it too hard. and it broke in half. which was disappointing until i realized. now i have two sticks. today has been. an emotional roller coaster

— Thoughts of Dog (@dog_feelings) January 3, 2019

Hello, I'm a professor in a movie, I only reach the main point of my lecture right as class is ending. Then I yell at students about the reading / homework as they leave.

— Rory Turnbull (@_roryturnbull) January 1, 2019

My new years resolution is to stop using spray deodorants…
Roll on 2019. #NewYearsEve

— The Dad Joke Man (@DadJokeMan) December 31, 2018

2019 resolutions:

– Spend more time on Twitter
– Eat more carbs
– Bite nails more
– Do less laundry
– Increase credit card debt
– Move less

— Jackie Bouvier (@jackiembouvier) December 31, 2018

You think Dry January sounds bad? Wait till we get to Starve To Death Or Die Due To Lack Of Vital Medication April.#NoDealBrexit

— The Poke (@ThePoke) January 4, 2019

BREAKING: Thousands of people have signed a petition in New York City to rename street in front of Trump Tower The "President Barack H. Obama Avenue."

THIS IS JUST AWESOME

— PoliticsVideoChannel (@politvidchannel) January 4, 2019