ineke.co.uk

Look, everyone has Gu ramekins ok? They’re like Sports Direct mugs https://t.co/a4L77FEatV

— Disappointed Optimist (@disappoptimism) May 12, 2019

Come on, guys! Leave the BBC alone. Election rules clearly state that you cannot have any politician on in the run-up to an election unless
a) they’re Nigel Farage
Or
b) they’re Nigel Farage#bbcqt #marr https://t.co/H1VnMRDupw

— David Schneider (@davidschneider) May 11, 2019

Bees have built their nests all around icons of Christ and Our Lady at the Monastery of Mount Athos; however they left their images exposed. pic.twitter.com/533h1DAs1G

— Fr. Grant Ciccone ☩ (@FrGrantCiccone) May 10, 2019

Did you know? pic.twitter.com/Zbt4dJHzDE

— You Had One Job (@_youhadonejob1) May 12, 2019

The thing is, no one voted for World War II, it happened because of the rise of Hitler. No one voted for the Blitz, no one voted for the upheavals caused by war. These things were accepted as part of what happened, but hardly embraced. Brexit is somewhat different https://t.co/HZKTI5XdHH

— ((Paul Burgin)) (@Paul_Burgin) May 9, 2019

The more your wedding costs, the more likely you are to get divorced.

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) May 12, 2019

"Just watching all those incredible performances makes me realise I really should get a telly." 😆

– @JefficaHoons #BAFTATV pic.twitter.com/rmkz29vN2F

— BBC One (@BBCOne) May 12, 2019

I’m brewing a deep sense of frustration. The Brexit Party will win huge numbers of seats by their slight of hand – meanwhile voters will be split between the other parties. It will be talked of as a second referendum result. We can all see it coming… nothing we can do about it?

— Martin Saunders 🤦🏻‍♂️ (@martinsaunders) May 13, 2019

Being an adult is ridiculous, you can accidentally make a baby but you can’t accidentally make a pizza.

— Dave (@davechannel) May 13, 2019

Thing I hate No.1086:

When (invariably) men refer to looking after their own children as “babysitting”. e.g:

“The wife is out, so I’m on babysitting duty”

Mate, if they’re your kids it’s called parenting. Now step up and shut up…

— Robbie Thomson (@robbieat) May 13, 2019

I mean incorrect @DailyMirror I look smokin, sorry bout it https://t.co/UScA4UpbCc

— Nicola Coughlan (@nicolacoughlan) May 12, 2019

I enjoy ordering things “for the table”. It displays a confidence, a zest for life, a generosity of spirit & a refusal to limit yourself to just one thing. It also really confuses waiters when you’re dining alone.

— Aisling Bea (@WeeMissBea) May 14, 2019

News https://t.co/D3VK4CHVZq

— Joe Lycett (@joelycett) May 15, 2019

Dear Jameela
I'm a big fan of yours & especially your work encouraging women to see themselves as intrinsically valuable #iweigh. But this argument that a child is better off dead than in foster care is insulting to my foster kids & contradicts your excellent work. https://t.co/p2i0GynX0r

— krish kandiah (@krishk) May 15, 2019

My daughter: Can I go to my friend’s house?
Me: Take your phone & text me every 20 minutes to tell me you’re ok

Me when I was 10: I’m off to the abandoned quarry with my pals
Mum: Dinner’s at 5

— joe heenan (@joeheenan) May 14, 2019

Very much enjoyed this poster in the loos of my local last night. pic.twitter.com/lNVARi3maP

— Tubbs McGuire (@tubbsmcguire) May 16, 2019

I think my mom found the best use for this new filter 😂 pic.twitter.com/AbqxkteXCw

— Rachel Webb (@tacopoop23) May 16, 2019

I look so young and handsome in this pic!!! Xx https://t.co/3C7UGUVI5X

— graham norton (@grahnort) May 17, 2019

Alternative title: ‘Referendumb’ pic.twitter.com/sESpctVjMJ

— Chris Deerin (@chrisdeerin) May 16, 2019

I love that this cover is simple, easy to alter, and ready to become a meme from day one. https://t.co/ZfaXzUjibo

— Dr Brooke Magnanti (@belledejour_uk) May 16, 2019

I missed the debate yesterday but I feel like you don’t really need to wash your legs, you wash your top 3/4 and the soap and water runs down. Unless you’re just extraordinarily dirty for some reason,

— PAPI BLANCO 🌹 (@PizzaAndWhiskey) May 10, 2019

Stages of having a clear out

Enthusiastic start
2 hrs of nostalgia about old stuff
Bewilderment over the 87 different piles
Cry at crap EVERYWHERE
Wish you’d never started
Start chucking everything
Wonder why the room doesn’t look much different despite filling 45 Black sacks

— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) May 17, 2019

New ideas seem to get old a lot quicker these days. We need to give space for thinking time.

— Stuart Bell (@stuartoflincoln) May 17, 2019

The Flintstones theme is thought to have been inspired by the second movement of Beethoven's Piano Sonata No. 17 (The "Tempest"). Listen from 1:52. https://t.co/DTLq0BoCe5

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) May 12, 2019

Gary had an espresso…with an espresso chaser. https://t.co/2yHeMqELh2

— Dawn French (@Dawn_French) May 17, 2019

Teresa May sounds increasingly like a supply teacher who’s been locked in the stationary cupboard, but desperately trying to carry on with the lesson anyway

— Milton Jones (@themiltonjones) May 17, 2019

Did you know that you can tell the gender of an ant by throwing it in water?

If it sinks = girl ant.
If it floats = buoyant.

— Dad's Puns (@DadsPuns) May 18, 2019

European countries that still have not won the Eurovision Song Contest #Map #Maps #Terriblemaps #TerribleMap #eurovision #Europe #music #eurovision2019 #eurovisionsongcontest pic.twitter.com/LCcDhMQGd0

— Terrible Maps (@TerribleMaps) May 18, 2019

#harrypotter question – why could Harry not already see Thestrals? He witnessed his mother die! Chatting with Jo about it and we can't work it out.

— Katharine W-R (@kwelbyroberts) May 18, 2019

McDonald's in Edinburgh asked by police to stop selling milkshakes during Farage visit https://t.co/KrRkjyipPC

— indy100 (@indy100) May 18, 2019

A reminder to please not say, "when you get married" and other such phrases to your children. Marriage is not assured and marriage is not the goal. Protect your children's hearts.

— Holly Stallcup (@HollyStallcup) May 17, 2019