ineke.co.uk

"It's bigger than us. It's bigger than you and me. It's our only hope."
Great EU song. Let's see how Europe votes.#Eurovision

— Danny Wallace (@dannywallace) May 18, 2019

Dear Europe, please can you vote for the UK tonight? Just imagine post-Brexit Britain being forced to host an event celebrating European unity and diversity. Troll of the century. #Eurovision

— King Charles III (parody) (@Charles_HRH) May 18, 2019

If you're new to #Eurovision, this pretty much sums it up to be fair. pic.twitter.com/shCwSkI00w

— BBC One (@BBCOne) May 18, 2019

I mean THAT line-up is what you want to show the people who thought their Met Gala outfits were "camp".

— Victoria Coren Mitchell (@VictoriaCoren) May 18, 2019

Madonna is singing all the RIGHT notes…

— The Poke (@ThePoke) May 18, 2019

Be warned; if you drink and drive after Eurovision, you may end up with more points than the United Kingdom. #Eurovision

— King Charles III (parody) (@Charles_HRH) May 18, 2019

The start of #Eurovision
vs
The end of #Eurovision pic.twitter.com/fmqJjhL2O7

— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) May 18, 2019

A friend of a friend… is that a Czech mate? #Eurovision pic.twitter.com/TRWspDtJ1h

— BBC Eurovision (@bbceurovision) May 18, 2019

You only breathe out of one nostril at a time.

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) May 19, 2019

Shall we make a new rule of life from tonight: always to try to be a little kinder than is necessary? J M BARRIE

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) May 19, 2019

I honestly have no idea why my mother has done this. 🤔 pic.twitter.com/brEVFYSwhg

— Miss Wobble (@richie_rich77) May 19, 2019

This is a publicity shot of the three dads in a production of Mamma Mia by the Chiswick Amateur Dramatic Society. https://t.co/WMRQFLV2uv

— Fergus Butler-Gallie (@_F_B_G_) May 20, 2019

I hold the following two non-conflicting views:

1. Nigel Farage is an awful man and I hate him and I hate what he has done to my country.

2. Throwing drinks on bad people is a bad idea and plays right into their hands.

— Jay Foreman (@jayforeman) May 20, 2019

Things I have learned about the general public whilst working at the library:

1. A huge number of people under 20 can't read face clocks, having grown up with only digital one.
2. Many people don't know how to spell "library." It's in our email address. This causes problems

— Allie Morgan (@grumpwitch) May 15, 2019

WARNING: #GameOfThrones spoiler! pic.twitter.com/wjOw16DxmK

— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) May 20, 2019

SPOILERS:

Luke Skywalker's father is Mufasa

In Die Hard, Bruce Willis is a ghost

The first rule of Fight Club is wipe your feet on the mat

— innocent drinks (@innocent) May 20, 2019

Dogs = toddlers.
Want to be with you all the time.
Constantly want snacks.
Want you to play with them when you’re trying to do other stuff.

Cats = teenagers.
Generally aloof.
Stay out later than they’re meant to.
Only show you affection on their terms/when they want something.

— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) May 21, 2019

Sometimes, Twitter’s sense of comic timing is perfect. #GameOfThrones pic.twitter.com/uPWlGo5hOU

— Martin Saunders (@martinsaunders) May 21, 2019

The good thing about procrastination is that you always have something planned for tomorrow.
Anon

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) May 21, 2019

So Tory MPs want a second vote on Theresa May leaving No. 10 as facts have changed since the first vote, and therefore some have changed their minds. Do they see the irony? #PeoplesVote #secondreferendum #theresamayresign

— Christoph Auckland (@ChrisAuckland) May 22, 2019

Me when my alarm goes off pic.twitter.com/NodaGuBNzf

— Rach (@RachaelvsWorld) May 22, 2019

I remember asking #JudithKerr Kerr if the tiger symbolised the 1960s sexual revolution where normal mores and suburban life became upended by this wild and exotic creature. She told me no, it was about a tiger coming to tea.

— emily m (@maitlis) May 23, 2019

At Ronnie Barker’s memorial service in Westminster Abbey in 2006, vergers carried four candles instead of the usual two.

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) May 22, 2019

THERESA MAY QUITS
*national celebrations"
ANOTHER TORY MUST TAKE HER PLACE
*national fear*

— TechnicallyRon (On all the platforms) (@TechnicallyRon) May 24, 2019

Seems Theresa didn’t want to share her moment…https://t.co/ExWgsShwbO

— Larry the Cat (@Number10cat) May 24, 2019

Parents should leave books lying around marked ‘forbidden’ if they want their children to read. DORIS LESSING

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) May 25, 2019

After I came to a living faith in Christ, I learned that someone had prayed for me all my life – and even before I was born. What an incredible gift! So never underestimate the power of prayer. Who could you pray for during @thykingdom_come this year?

— Archbishop of Canterbury (@JustinWelby) May 25, 2019

Why do some people get depressed?

The jam jar analogy is a helpful way of understanding why some people suffer from mental illness. @campbellclaret pic.twitter.com/t87SqZetgl

— BBC Two (@BBCTwo) May 21, 2019