A journalist went to cover a story about a shelter for abandoned dogs. This good boy clung to the writer upon leaving. Dude adopted him and took him home.
Dogs, bruh…💪🐶😍 pic.twitter.com/05JjQzL2vZ
— Rex Chapman🏇🏼 (@RexChapman) July 8, 2019
A maths meme that is actually funny rather than stupid:
Solve carefully!
230 – 220 x 0.5 =You probably won’t believe it but the answer is 5!#maths
— KJ Cheetham ❄️ #FBPE 🔶 (@kj_cheetham) July 13, 2019
Happy #Caturdaypic.twitter.com/EyQeOzMPMH
— Larry the Cat (@Number10cat) July 13, 2019
Loving this day of sport. So excited that Lewis Hamilton is leading New Zealand by 2 sets to 1.
— Richard Osman (@richardosman) July 14, 2019
“ARGH”
“UUGH”
“HUHGH”
“GUGH”
“ORGH”
“EEEF”
“ACK”
“NUGH”
“Fifteen love”
– tennis on the radio#WimbledonFinal— innocent drinks (@innocent) July 14, 2019
And the devil took him up a high mountain and said, “This sizzling afternoon of sport, the cricket, the Grand Prix, the men’s final at Wimbledon, could be yours!” But he said, “Get away from me, for there are ordinations at Peterborough Cathedral!”
— Richard Coles (@RevRichardColes) July 14, 2019
Overheard in the loos of the Lord’s pavilion: “The defibrillators are going to be well used today.”
— Patrick Kidd (@patrick_kidd) July 14, 2019
People: Cricket is boring.#ENGvsNZ: Hold my Pimm’s.#CWC19Final
— Pundamentalism (@Pundamentalism) July 14, 2019
When I was a kid, my parents would always say "Excuse my French" just after a swear word.
I'll never forget that first day at school when my teacher asked if any of us knew any French.
— Dad's Puns (@DadsPuns) July 14, 2019
Ways to improve cricket:
– The ball shouts OH NO every time it is hit
– The Wickets play the pacman dying noise when hit
– Dogs on the field
– Umpires only communicate through mime
– Jetpacks— Dave (@davechannel) July 14, 2019
As my sister texted me – “Champagne Super Over”
— Stephen Fry (@stephenfry) July 14, 2019
ENGLAND WIN BY ZERO RUNS.
— Mark Watson (@watsoncomedian) July 14, 2019
New Zealand, by the way, unbelievably unlucky. That thing where it came off the bat, during the run, was absolute Harry Potter territory. New Zealand would’ve very much deserved to win. They must console themselves with having a much nicer country.
— Mark Watson (@watsoncomedian) July 14, 2019
Terrible day for people who don't understand cricket or tennis or sports or life in general or existence
— TechnicallyRon (@TechnicallyRon) July 14, 2019
England become the first country to win the Cricket World Cup, the football World Cup, and the Rugby World Cup.
⚽️ 1966
🏉 2003
🏏 2019#CWC19Final #ENGvNZ pic.twitter.com/u3rDHufrrf— The Cricket Paper (@TheCricketPaper) July 14, 2019
England’s other sporting sides admit having mixed emotions, as men’s cricket team wins World Cup but uses up country’s entire allocation of luck for next 30 years.
— Have I Got News For You (@haveigotnews) July 15, 2019
🐐Here's something to make you laugh on a Monday afternoon…. 🐐 😂@BBCSimonMcCoy pic.twitter.com/4ODgsZE0dG
— BBC Weather (@bbcweather) July 15, 2019
— Matt Cartoons (@MattCartoonist) July 16, 2019
I’m not sure “if you win by a tiny margin you have no legitimacy” is an argument you want to make there Nigel. https://t.co/7PLWssq6Nh
— James Felton (@JimMFelton) July 16, 2019
If you see someone doing a crossword today, lean over them and say 7 up is Lemonade.
— Dad's Puns (@DadsPuns) July 17, 2019
BREAKING: Donald Trump's hair "going back where it came from" pic.twitter.com/7Jh5Sdpsoi
— The Poke (@ThePoke) July 17, 2019
is it because one lives in Kensington and one lives in Windsor? https://t.co/c0cvt0La3X
— Janine Gibson (@janinegibson) July 15, 2019
Things can be tough sometimes but at least we don’t have to do PE anymore
— Mary Hitchman (@maryhitchman) July 15, 2019
"SERIOUSLY? of all the fucking places, Brian" pic.twitter.com/44PD9S9rRZ
— Paul Bronks (@SlenderSherbet) July 16, 2019
Her suggestion here is that you are from, not where you live or even born, but from where your ancestors are from originally. In which case, Kelly, we are all from Africa. https://t.co/7JL4ImCCt9
— David Baddiel (@Baddiel) July 16, 2019
EMOJIS NO ONE ASKED FOR
🤡- clown
📐- set square
📠- fax machine
🖇️- conjoined paper clips
📁📂- open and closed folders
🚡🚠- two separate cable car styles
📓📕📗📘📙📔📒 – seven different books
🧺 – a wicker basket
🎛️- whatever this is#WorldEmojiDay— innocent drinks (@innocent) July 17, 2019
Long books, when read, are usually overpraised, because the reader wants to convince others and himself that he has not wasted his time. E.M. FORSTER
— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) July 17, 2019
GUIDE TO WORK
MONDAY: This can wait till Tuesday.
TUESDAY: This can wait till Wednesday.
WEDNESDAY: This can wait till Thursday.
THURSDAY: This can wait till Friday.
FRIDAY: This can wait till Monday.Rinse and repeat.
— innocent drinks (@innocent) July 19, 2019
everyone please share your favorite not-english word or phrase.
here’s one i just learned.
“Nie mój cyrk, nie moje małpy"
Language: Polish
English Equivalent: “not my problem”
Literal: “not my circus, not my monkey”
— average joe (@jazz_inmypants) July 18, 2019
Let’s all take a moment to appreciate blank VHS cassette packaging design trends. 📼 pic.twitter.com/XnMeS9gsab
— Jon Keegan (@jonkeegan) June 16, 2018
me when an email finds me well pic.twitter.com/2ji5UIsvtZ
— ido 🚲 (@idvck) July 18, 2019
I thought I was afraid of climate change but it turns out my greatest fear is men and women dressed up as cats thinking they are cats and singing as cats in catsuits.
— Aisling Bea (@WeeMissBea) July 18, 2019
Actual house rules from the Airbnb I stayed at last night. Is this where @LeagueOfGentlem got the inspiration for Harvey and Val? pic.twitter.com/lo9rZgS3Lv
— Ian Hickton (@ianhickton) July 13, 2019
Right, now that we've all seen the actual trailer, this 100% feels like a mockumentary. https://t.co/DxZOi30ccJ
— Helen Coffey (@LenniCoffey) July 19, 2019
People have paid more attention to "Cats" in the last 24 hours than cats have paid attention to people in history.
— Stephen Colbert (@StephenAtHome) July 19, 2019
For anyone who thinks the QI Elves are smart: I just got on a tube in the wrong direction, realised after five stops, then wandered around South Kensington before getting on another tube going in the same, wrong direction.
— James Harkin (@JamesHarkin) July 19, 2019
Right, now that we've all seen the actual trailer, this 100% feels like a mockumentary. https://t.co/DxZOi30ccJ
— Helen Coffey (@LenniCoffey) July 19, 2019
Two dogs viciously attack kitten! pic.twitter.com/A8u38qYi8A
— Good doggos (@DoggoDating) July 18, 2019
Winner 🐶😂 pic.twitter.com/vIp8yoRTr8
— CCTV IDIOTS (@cctv_idiots) July 19, 2019
We all have that one friend 😂pic.twitter.com/Ld60MoC3Zn
— CCTV IDIOTS (@cctv_idiots) July 18, 2019
you're totally allowed to say "I actually don't know enough about that issue to have an opinion"
— Whitney Cummings (@WhitneyCummings) July 19, 2019
In a weirdly empty part of St Pancras station, and I've been confronted by the greasy ghosts of a thousand commuters… pic.twitter.com/IXFUEybsYs
— Richard Burr (@RichardPBurr) July 20, 2019
View this post on InstagramA post shared by Overheard in Waitrose (@overheardinwaitroseinsta) on
View this post on InstagramJoin my mailing list via my website if you’d like to find it about my next tour first. Link in bio.
A post shared by Sarah Millican (@thesarahmillican) on
View this post on Instagram100% happening. via @bbcsport #bbctennis #wimbledon #federer #nadal #djokovic
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Anything to add...?