ineke.co.uk

Half of Americans wouldn’t be able to tell that a Briton is calling them an idiot, finds our new study on British subtext

What does "with the greatest respect" mean?

"I think you are an idiot": 🇬🇧 68% / 🇺🇸 40%
"I am listening to you": 🇬🇧 24% / 🇺🇸 49%https://t.co/9EZXEJjUtM pic.twitter.com/Us8OsMPgc3

— YouGov (@YouGov) January 11, 2019

Lads 🙌 pic.twitter.com/9AriCslfsE

— CCTV IDIOTS (@cctv_idiots) August 11, 2019

Bernie Sanders says he ‘will reveal the truth about aliens' if elected president https://t.co/Cpe9OokVc6

— indy100 (@indy100) August 11, 2019

I love seeing posters for lost cats. Your cat isn't lost, man. Cats don't get lost. Your cat left you.

— natalie tran (@natalietran) August 10, 2019

My son just sent me this. We share a sense of humour. pic.twitter.com/YGEsaoVACf

— Richard Osman (@richardosman) August 12, 2019

Piers making people vomit is nothing new. https://t.co/fXTedF8R37

— Richard Osman (@richardosman) August 11, 2019

Re-reading this as eldest studying it for her GCSE

Still the best Brexit analysis ever written pic.twitter.com/bJlrRFs7jE

— tom jamieson (@jamiesont) August 12, 2019

I need this 🙌 pic.twitter.com/LhSgiZ4Z7a

— CCTV IDIOTS (@cctv_idiots) August 12, 2019

No is a good word.

It’s okay to turn things down.

It’s okay to not do things you have no desire to do. It’s okay to not respond to emails you never wanted.

It’s okay to give your mind the space it needs in an overloaded word.

No is often really saying yes to yourself.

No.

— Matt Haig (@matthaig1) August 13, 2019

Video from @hantsconnect includes interesting footage of the enhanced #Romsey Market Place, looking fab as construction team give it a final clean up

pic.twitter.com/DfIkQME53p

— Romsey Town Council (@destinationroms) August 13, 2019

Mid-August. The height of summer. Blue skies, golden sunshine, and soaring temperatures guaranteed.*

*T's & C's apply. Golden sunshine not guaranteed for Britain.

— innocent drinks (@innocent) August 14, 2019

Today’s weather:

Warm November

— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) August 14, 2019

I’ve come to the alarming conclusion that Boris Johnson is Homer Simpson (thread) pic.twitter.com/DjiKEO7e2W

— Larry the Cat, Esq. (@Number10cat) August 14, 2019

Remember guys: your ability or otherwise to craft a worthy social media post about A-level results not defining your future does not define your future.

(If you’re getting results today- whatever happens, you’ll be ok 👍)

— Martin Saunders 🤦🏻‍♂️ (@martinsaunders) August 15, 2019

It's annual 'contradict everything we've ever told our kids' day. We spend 18yrs pushing them to study hard, because their future rests on the outcome of their exams, then 1 day telling them 'the results don't matter, they don't define you, they're irrelevant to your future'. 🤔

— Jennie Pollock (@MissJenniep) August 15, 2019

It's truly depressing how much more expensive it is to take the train to destinations in Europe than fly….

— Dr Jo Kershaw (@mthr_jo) August 14, 2019

"Turing Tumble has actually made me a better programmer….it is challenging, rewarding… and just really, really fun. I cannot recommend it highly enough. It is the most ingenious, creative, clever puzzle I've ever seen," Stephen Hall, game reviewer. https://t.co/lz2NAtBugF pic.twitter.com/8FNVVd2vfU

— TuringTumble (@TuringTumble) December 11, 2018

Some people claim the Sistine Chapel is the peak of human made beauty.

Wrong. It’s Viennetta being made:pic.twitter.com/vCjxwFlIC2

— Andy Park (@andy_park) August 15, 2019

Today I discovered that the French word for vegan cheese is "fauxmage" and I couldn't be more delighted.

— oh look another fool (@ElenaBjxrn) August 15, 2019

Sometimes if I can see Andrew walking Larry I do my whistle and he gets so excited to come home.. pic.twitter.com/rSsQPYAVfQ

— notgavin (@notgavin) August 15, 2019

“I hope this email finds you well”
– cliche
– passive aggressive
– you’d better be fuckin well

“I hope this email doesn’t find you ill…”
– spicy
– shows concern for public health
– adds a level of threat, leading to faster response

— ruby🦎 (@medievaliszt) August 15, 2019

What kind of dinosaur writes romance novels?

A Brontësaurus.#NationalTellAJokeDay

— Broadhursts Bookshop (@BroadhurstBooks) August 16, 2019

sorry I’m late I sat on my bed in a wet towel for 43 mins staring at my wall

— 𝘽𝙧𝙤𝙤𝙠 (@userbrook) August 15, 2019

I went to the shop to buy 6 cans of Sprite.

It's only when I got home I realised I'd picked 7 up.

— Dad's Puns (@DadsPuns) August 16, 2019

How to read:
📚 get off Twitter
📚 choose a book
📚 read a few pages
📚 get off Twitter
📚 realise you don’t want to read that book
📚 check goodreads for a new boo- no! Get off Twitter
📚 choose new book
📚 start readin- I SAID GET OFF TWITTER!

— Jenn ⋆ (@JennieLy) August 16, 2019

In the best yet things-my-nephews-have-done, the 7 year old ordered a burger today, and was asked if he wanted it medium. "Could you please make it very large?" he asked. Told that the choice was between medium or well done, he asked if the chef could do the best he could. Yes.

— Andy Kesson (@andykesson) August 16, 2019

I'm "I used to install games with a single floppy disc" years old. https://t.co/Vm5BraFOFe

— Sipech (@TheAlethiophile) August 16, 2019