ineke.co.uk

12 down. SIX to go. Come on @sw_help & #sw_tweeps. Here's the #SWRBingo closing position. The committee have to be up an hour earlier than we should have to be to ensure we get to London on time via #SouthWesternRailway so night night. pic.twitter.com/oElUpsd6Uj

— sw_bingo (@sw_bingo) October 23, 2019

this is some stunning work right here https://t.co/z3cv7UgPPN

— Greg James (@gregjames) October 19, 2019

Today began with prayers in the chamber. Normally there are 50 MPs, today there were 500. The chaplain read the Lord’s Prayer ‘forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us’. So we are to forgive unconditionally. An apt command for all sides at this time.

— Tim Farron (@timfarron) October 19, 2019

pic.twitter.com/yNRFqfUVql

— Greg James (@gregjames) October 19, 2019

THIS IS JUST THE WITHDRAWAL AGREEMENT.

It will take YEARS AND YEARS to negotiate the actual Future Relationship with the EU.

That's YEARS of neglecting to discuss schools, hospitals, social care.

YEARS of endlessly discussing Brexit.

YEARS of waste.

YEARS of anger.

— ben goldacre (@bengoldacre) October 19, 2019

Taking a hot bath for an hour burns as many calories as going for a half-hour walk.

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) October 20, 2019

I’ll warn you now… once you see the @mikebreakfast beam-of-light hip-thrust it cannot be unseen 😂
Magnificent 👏🏻🕺#Strictly #StrictlyComeDancing @bbcstrictly pic.twitter.com/vbUE1qxWO5

— Dan Walker (@mrdanwalker) October 19, 2019

Park Run is a cult, isn’t it?

— Pundamentalism (@Pundamentalism) October 20, 2019

If @BorisJohnson did not want to have to delay Brexit, maybe he should not have wasted weeks by unlawfully suspending Parliament?

— David Lammy (@DavidLammy) October 20, 2019

🙂 pic.twitter.com/jV5ntPpEaO

— sarah schauer 🦂 (@SJSchauer) October 22, 2019

“Say that again” – I wasn’t listening
“Pardon?” – I didn’t hear you
“Eh?” – What are you on about?
“You what?” – What the hell are you on about?
“What did you just say?” – I might have to fight you
“I beg your pardon” – I might have to challenge you to a duel

— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) October 22, 2019

Wait so the judges aren't even going to eat the glass?

WHAT.
WAS.
THE.
POINT. #GBBO

— innocent drinks (@innocent) October 22, 2019

TV crime dramas and rolling news can desensitise us to numbers like this. THIRTY-NINE precious, fearfully-and-wonderfully-made human lives stolen away.

Lord have mercy. https://t.co/qfuaamhVNG

— Martin Saunders 🤦🏻‍♂️ (@martinsaunders) October 23, 2019

Following dubious advice, I bought a fringe wig for £8 to see whether I should go for the real thing (I shouldn’t). Who wears it best? pic.twitter.com/ar6esUfZSI

— Susie Dent (@susie_dent) September 11, 2019

Years ago, I heard Rowan Williams say that whenever he meets someone he asks himself two questions: (1) What can I learn from this person? (2) How can I love this person?

This has been one of the most valuable pieces of advice that I have received in my ministry.

— Jordan Hillebert (@JordanHillebert) October 24, 2019

You’ve got to admire someone who knows their own mind. pic.twitter.com/02hdwDjYPp

— Dave Gorman (@DaveGorman) October 24, 2019

pic.twitter.com/Ukj5J99x2e

— Stephen John Ellison (@StephenJohnEll1) October 24, 2019

We are governed by a 3-year old having a tantrum. pic.twitter.com/8W27PtOxBW

— David Schneider (@davidschneider) October 24, 2019

As a great woman once said:
“It’s Friday, Friday, gotta get down on Friday
Everybody’s looking forward to the weekend, weekend”
God bless you Rebecca Black you absolute hero

— Chris ✌ (@bumfs) October 25, 2019

How to turn your clocks back this weekend:
1. Everything is electronic now it should do itself
2. Wait for oven clock to finally tell the correct time for 6 months
3. Remember that time is a concept and only exists to tell us when we should have meals

— Dave (@davechannel) October 25, 2019

As Boris Johnson sets out his wish for a Christmas general election, one man checks his list and says “not a chance”: pic.twitter.com/pw8aANTytC

— Have I Got News For You (@haveigotnews) October 25, 2019

The challenge: to explain in 45 seconds why we need a People’s Vote.
Challenge accepted. pic.twitter.com/qYiaJ5n7tJ

— David Schneider (@davidschneider) October 20, 2019

Kanye West has released a (clean) Gospel album called “Jesus is King” on the same day Coldplay have announced an album full of explicit content. What is going on?! pic.twitter.com/nUftBEdMdV

— Sam Hailes ن (@samhailes) October 25, 2019

un-see this, I dare you. https://t.co/FU6fkzSyu6

— Michael Chakraverty (@mschakraverty) October 25, 2019

MAKE THAT EIGHT-AND-A-HALF MONTHS https://t.co/dBDSgcDgQX

— Jeremy Vine (@theJeremyVine) October 25, 2019

Leicester's biggest ever league win was a 10-0 thrashing of Portsmouth in October 1928. #justsaying

— Darren (@I_amDarren) October 25, 2019

Good luck England. Still think we should respond to the Haka with a spot of Morris dancing.

— Jack Dee (@TheRealJackDee) October 26, 2019

Might put some money on England v New Zealand ending in a lower score than Southampton v Leicester #RWC2019

— Richard Osman (@richardosman) October 26, 2019

If this match was played by the countries national animals it would be Lions VS Kiwis and bloody hell it's not even worth thinking about #ENGvNZL

— Dave (@davechannel) October 26, 2019

0-8 down in the pissing rain #SaintsFC pic.twitter.com/5T7LOnbWWf

— Sean (@sean_stroud) October 25, 2019

I love the All Blacks. Their culture, their play, their history, their class…

That’s why I love beating them. #England in the final!!! 👏👏👏 https://t.co/BZM3Qxy9b8

— Jake Humphrey (@mrjakehumphrey) October 26, 2019

Only 94,577,278,614,881,630,744,137,134,707,214,438 tweets about Brexit until Brexit.

— Pundamentalism (@Pundamentalism) October 25, 2019

An unresolved argument where you’re actually in the right for once is the worst thing possible.

— Richard Osman (@richardosman) October 26, 2019

“Doing anything for Halloween?”
“Yes, I’m going to work, then I’m coming home, then at some point I’ll go to bed”

— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) October 26, 2019