ineke.co.uk

They changed the ABC song to clarify the LMNOP part, and it is life ruining. pic.twitter.com/TnZL8VutnW

— Noah Garfinkel (@NoahGarfinkel) October 26, 2019

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I hate to do a Simpsons “you can actually pinpoint the second where his heart rips in half” joke but you can LITERALLY pinpoint it holy shit i hope they show this in the detention camps at the border https://t.co/GQ3F0wRZlH

— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) October 28, 2019

Late to this pic.twitter.com/WFVYvrNEIR

— Jeremy Vine (@theJeremyVine) November 2, 2019

A restaurant in Bangkok has a ‘perpetual soup’ that’s been cooking for the past 45 years, with ingredients being constantly added and portions regularly served.

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) October 27, 2019

Britain is simply not going to believe how dark it is later #clockschange

— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) October 27, 2019

Just explained to a delighted American that we call ‘crosswalks’ ‘zebra crossings’. Then she asked what we call ‘crossing guards’, and I said ‘lollipop ladies’ and now she thinks I’ve just made the whole thing up.

— Richard Osman (@richardosman) October 27, 2019

Nigel & Nell love the flooded fields! pic.twitter.com/4KsU8BOHVc

— Monty Don (@TheMontyDon) October 27, 2019

More people live in the green area than the blue area #map #Maps #TerribleMap #Terriblemaps pic.twitter.com/pSkFkYfuc6

— Terrible Maps (@TerribleMaps) October 27, 2019

Symptoms of anxiety:
Isolation
Avoiding the outside
Avoiding other people
Trust issues

Things that will help in any horror film scenario:
Isolation
Avoiding the outside
Avoiding other people
Trust issues

Enjoy your parties and cabins in the woods nerds

— TechnicallyRon (On all the platforms) (@TechnicallyRon) October 27, 2019

VAR….. 🤷‍♂️🤣 https://t.co/0ccp0nM3cF

— Tom Kerridge (@ChefTomKerridge) October 27, 2019

If you thought you had it tough with the microwave yesterday, poor James Cleverly has to put his clock back three months… https://t.co/Cc489oZBze

— Larry the Cat (@Number10cat) October 28, 2019

MONDAY LIFE HACK
1. Walk into work at 9am
2. Say "no one's changed the clocks, I'll put them forward an hour"
3. Put clocks forward to 10am
4. Wait for Brenda from HR to say "I thought they went back not forward?"
5. QUIET BRENDA DON'T RUIN THIS

— innocent drinks (@innocent) October 28, 2019

Remember, it's illegal to leave work today without saying "Dark isn't it" before you exit the building.

— Dave (@davechannel) October 28, 2019

As UK heads into third Brexit extension, country looks forward to another three months of bickering, amateur dramatics and absolutely nothing being achieved before asking the EU for another one.

— Have I Got News For You (@haveigotnews) October 28, 2019

Life is now just brexit extensions until we all die.

— TechnicallyRon (On all the platforms) (@TechnicallyRon) October 28, 2019

In 2007, a New Zealand woman was fired for using caps lock too often in work emails.

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) October 28, 2019

The girls have their school photo today and there is the option to AIRBRUSH the picture! There are two levels offered!! What the….?! Have complained! What 8 yr old needs to be paranoid about an “uneven skin tone” pic.twitter.com/6BGCx3FRZ9

— Sam Walker (@WalkerSam) October 28, 2019

"Can you explain this lengthy gap in your CV?"
"Yes. That's when I was carrying you."

— Caustic Cover Critic (@Unwise_Trousers) October 27, 2019

Big coat, your time has come

— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) October 28, 2019

It has now become slightly too warm for the big coat, but we persevere

— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) October 28, 2019

Hi Matt 👋🏻 https://t.co/W4BX7Dfmo7

— Jo Swinson (@joswinson) October 29, 2019

After:

• 3 different Prime Ministers

• 3 extensions

• 2 Deals

• 1 General Election

• 1 proroguing of Parliament

• a few lies to the Queen

• numerous Court cases

• 1 uncivil war;

Some argue that a People’s Vote on Brexit would be a step too far.

Infuriating.

— Dr. Jennifer Cassidy (@OxfordDiplomat) October 28, 2019

It's amazing watching Sandi and Noel flick from being so beautifully silly to being the warmest, most supportive, baker super fans. Absolute stars, the pair of them. Give them all the BAFTAs. #GBBOFinal

— innocent drinks (@innocent) October 29, 2019

John Lewis advert 2019:

Montage of miserable people trudging to polling stations in the dark. A presiding officer looks increasingly dejected until a voter surprises them with a thoughtful gift. Set to a tinkly piano version of You Can’t Always Get What You Want.

— Ben (@islandniles) October 29, 2019

No stop.

This is just too inspired.

After being in power

For 9 years,

The Conservatives Party

actually came up with,

agreed on,

and

released,

their

General Election Slogan: #BritainDeservesBetter

You couldn’t make this up.

You just couldn’t. pic.twitter.com/mn02LNjQSK

— Dr. Jennifer Cassidy (@OxfordDiplomat) October 30, 2019

My Sister (Sophie Russell) is in Labour and the baby (Baby Russell), is taking ages to “exit”.
Baby Russell is taking ages to exit. #BRexit
The family WhatsApp is 🔥🔥🔥🔥

Baby Russell, you’re about to join an amazing family and we can’t wait.

— Tom Houghton (@HonourableTom) October 30, 2019

I long for the days where you can have a difference of opinion with someone but still be civil towards them 🤷‍♂️

— Matt Le Tissier (@mattletiss7) October 30, 2019

I don’t think you can say this is a ‘once in a generation’ election if it’s the third one in four years. It’s more like an ‘MFI best-ever sale’ sort of election.

— Richard Osman (@richardosman) October 31, 2019

The time is now 23:01 on 31st October 2019, the UK is still a member of the EU. Mark Francois is completely powerless to change that situation and, I imagine, absolutely apoplectic about it. From the bottom of my heart I offer my thanks to the excellent @hilarybennmp.

— bob evans (@thebobevans) October 31, 2019

Is it just me or is Go West the same tune as Give Thanks with a Grateful Heart?

— Barry Hill (@revbarryhill) October 31, 2019

BREAKING: Jeremy Corbyn receives huge boost after President Trump endorses Boris Johnson.

— Have I Got News For You (@haveigotnews) November 1, 2019

Politicians of all parties. If you’re asked if you’re going to win the election, just say “I’ve no idea, I really hope so though.” You don’t have to talk tough ALL THE TIME. This isn’t the wrestling.

— Richard Osman (@richardosman) October 31, 2019

BREAKING: It is too dark at 4.30, everything is miserable, Britain is now just dismal nonsense until spring.

— Dave (@davechannel) November 1, 2019

Keep calm and #CarryThemHome#RWCfinal #RWC2019 #ENGvRSA pic.twitter.com/TBfm50pfar

— Matt Cartoons (@MattCartoonist) November 1, 2019

My friend & her husband lived in an apartment that had a soap dispenser installed on the edge of the kitchen sink. When they moved out after two years, he marveled to her: "it's amazing how that dispenser never ran out of soap in all this time." Women's work is truly invisible.

— Robin Beth Schaer (@robinschaer) March 22, 2019

My 19yo brother just told me there’s a new term called ‘brexiting’. When you say “bye” to everyone at the party… then don’t leave.

— Grace Forrest (@GraceAForrest) October 31, 2019

Trying to break up with an optician is hard. Every time I tell her I can’t see her anymore, she just moves an inch closer and says “how about now?”

— Richard Osman (@richardosman) November 2, 2019

Don’t know whether to watch the rugby final or to take advantage of the fact that the Chiswick Waitrose will be empty.

— Richard Osman (@richardosman) November 2, 2019

Late entry to this year's @thexfactor 🤣🌹🏉#RWCFinal #ENGvRSA pic.twitter.com/A45DvnXxPi

— ITV (@ITV) November 2, 2019

This rugby final is introducing so many people to something they will never have watched before. Yes, posh people, this is ITV.

— Richard Osman (@richardosman) November 2, 2019

“I didn’t know you liked rugby?”
“I don’t, I just wanted to go to the pub in the morning”

— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) November 2, 2019

As I prepare to fly home in the morning, Twitter, congratulate me for being the first human in history to have packed the correct number of pants for a holiday.

— Lucy Wainwright (@Whoozley) November 1, 2019

They changed the ABC song to clarify the LMNOP part, and it is life ruining. pic.twitter.com/TnZL8VutnW

— Noah Garfinkel (@NoahGarfinkel) October 26, 2019

England never stood a chance once he opened his mouth… #RWC2019 https://t.co/MDFfPvvBsj

— Larry the Cat (@Number10cat) November 2, 2019

It’s only a game but Siya Kolisi, who grew up in a township where his favourite toy was a brick, is about to lift the Rugby World Cup trophy. If that doesn’t touch you, then you need to check your pulse. #RWCFinal

— John McDermott (@johnpmcdermott) November 2, 2019

Genuinely shocked by this decision. All the polling & canvass data I’ve seen points towards this being the most open GE in decades. For @ITV to restrict debate to just two parties polling a combined total support of <60% of the electorate is wrong. They should reconsider #GE2019 https://t.co/Rk1O3XhdDf

— Dr Phillip Lee (@DrPhillipLee) November 1, 2019

I've recut The Phantom Menace so it’s just the really cool trade dispute/taxation/politics bits.

pic.twitter.com/B8ogXOjqxO

— Olaf Falafel (@OFalafel) October 26, 2019

One day I will learn as an Englishmen to never let myself think that it might be coming home.

— Jack Whitehall (@jackwhitehall) November 2, 2019