ineke.co.uk

If this clip doesn't feature in every 'best TV of the decade' list then a crime has been committed. pic.twitter.com/0QHGIxk50p

— Dave (@davechannel) December 18, 2019

3 years today since we sadly lost Carrie Fisher. This will still always be one of the many great moments from her though. pic.twitter.com/RtoiVAezaB

— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) December 27, 2019

The Irish parliament recently spent €808,000 on a new printer, and when they discovered it didn’t fit they spent another €236,000 moving walls and reinforcing the building. It remains unused as staff refuse to operate it without a pay rise.

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) December 21, 2019

If I invented a time machine, the first place I’d visit would be the Patent Office.

— Richard Osman (@richardosman) December 22, 2019

Christmas shopping reminder: Don’t forget to buy a load of nuts that no one will eat

— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) December 22, 2019

Until 2015, bakers in Paris were required by law to stagger their holidays, so that the capital would never run out of fresh baguettes. pic.twitter.com/yj9eFuQNjE

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) December 22, 2019

"Stormzy, Is there cheese in the UK?"
"Definitely, 100%."
ITV news: "BREAKING: The UK is 100% cheese."

Logic. DOH!!!!!!

— DopeBlackDads (@dopeblackdads) December 22, 2019

Today is the shortest day of the year.

Or the longest if you've got to go to a supermarket, visit your In-Laws or attend a kid's party.#ShortestDayOfTheYear

— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) December 22, 2019

‘Improved version’ of Cats to be sent to cinemas, and will have the picture and audio removed completely.

— Have I Got News For You (@haveigotnews) December 23, 2019

If Stormzy and Gary Neville struggle to get points about racism across to the mainstream with their platforms imagine for a second how difficult it is for everyone else.

— Roushan Alam (@roushanalam) December 22, 2019

Happy "Your supermarket order has a few substitutions" grocery panic day!

— Michael Ho-Ho-Hogan (@michaelhogan) December 23, 2019

– 1995: Disney buys ABC
– 2006: Disney buys Pixar
– 2009: Disney enters 30 film deal with Dreamworks
– 2009: Disney buys Marvel
– 2012: Disney buys Lucasfilms
– 2015: Disney buys National Geographic
– 2017: Disney buys 21st Century Fox
– 2018: Disney buys Hulu

— Serotonin Plug🔌 (@TripnoticMusic) December 22, 2019

remake Harry Potter with an all-muppet cast but have Severus Snape played by Adam Driver

— the library haunter 🎄🎅🦉 (@SketchesbyBoze) December 21, 2019

Just sharing the sweetest Christmas Card from our President and Vice-President, The Duke and Duchess of Sussex. Very Merry Christmas, everyone! pic.twitter.com/McOcHALoGl

— The Queen's Commonwealth Trust (@queenscomtrust) December 23, 2019

I love this photograph of a father with his children from the 1960’s. I know it looks wildly dangerous to modern eyes, but I can’t help think what a magical dad he must have been. pic.twitter.com/4aO0Q8JcJI

— David Walliams (@davidwalliams) December 24, 2019

I’m not saying I’m a clumsy cook, but who sets fire to a potato peeler?!

Whatever you’re doing or not doing, be glad you’re not dining at my house; happy Christmas. pic.twitter.com/gVZtS3a7NQ

— Victoria Coren Mitchell (@VictoriaCoren) December 24, 2019

Camilla bought Prince Andrew Pizza Express vouchers for Christmas. It was extremely awkward. #RuinedChristmas #RoyalChristmas #PrinceAndrew

— Elizabeth Windsor (@Queen_UK) December 25, 2019

Thank your Majesty for another clear articulation of your faith and the centrality of Jesus for our Christmas celebrations.#QueenSpeech pic.twitter.com/D26dKhdtds

— krish kandiah (@krishk) December 25, 2019

‘Quality Street’ were named after a JM Barrie play, and ‘Roses’ were named after the manufacturing company who first made the boxes. #ChristmasFacts

— Richard Osman (@richardosman) December 24, 2019

Types of board gamer:
– The one who can’t bear the stress
– The one who simply refuses to grasp the rules
– “Competitive Colin”
– The cheat
– Mr/Mrs Shouty
– The quiet genius
– The one who tries to keep everything jolly
– The one who can’t keep the dice on the bloody table

— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) December 25, 2019

Thanks for your lovely Tweets. I'm having another Archers to celebrate.

— Rob Brydon (@RobBrydon) December 25, 2019

Facebook – such a speshial xmas holibob wiv my gawjus famalam #feelingblessed #makingmemries

Twitter – Need more cheese and booze. Fuck! Forgot the bins.

— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) December 27, 2019

Boxing Day: The day when 50% of fridge space is taken up with a single parsnip clingfilmed to a plate

— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) December 26, 2019

The phenomenon where the frequent repetition of a word causes it to lose all meaning is called ‘semantic satiation’.

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) December 26, 2019

The most hated woman in the country right now #GavinandStacey pic.twitter.com/e5gVr3Baum

— David Grant (@DeeGeee88) December 25, 2019

14yo's joke:
"There are 10 types of people in the world. Those who understand binary, those who don't understand binary, and those who didn't expect this joke to be in base 3."

— David Griffith (@theplaguedoc) December 25, 2019

You can save an absolute fortune in the sales today by not going shopping.

— Richard Osman (@richardosman) December 26, 2019

Well it made me laugh pic.twitter.com/b82TE80iMB

— Rob Townsend (@robtownsend) December 25, 2019

According to a 2007 study, half of all published academic papers are never read by anyone other than the author and the journal’s editors.

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) December 26, 2019

I never realised until now that a hamster yawning is quite terrifying. pic.twitter.com/tiTjxh8Gmq

— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) December 26, 2019

Ruth Jones co-wrote it but just credit the fellah, do. https://t.co/ASY9Ip0vlL

— Emma Kennedy (@EmmaKennedy) December 26, 2019

Honest to god, I think explaining the counter intuitive nature of false positives on telly is one of the proudest moments of my entire career. 🎁 https://t.co/EYc81nMPNX

— Hannah Fry (@FryRsquared) December 26, 2019

It could be my maths or the amount of alcohol I’ve drunk but in #GavinandStacy tonight Neil the baby was 11, coming up for 12, but Gavin said he and Stacey had been married for 10 years. However, Nessa was pregnant at Gavin and Stacey’s wedding so the numbers don’t add up?

— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) December 26, 2019

A lot of my free church/evangelical friends have gotten interested in Advent and Lent recently. These seasons only make sense when followed by a 12 day Christmas and 50 day Easter. Fast is followed by feast, always.

— Kara N. Slade (@KaraNSlade) December 26, 2019

To everyone that received a book from me for Christmas, they're due back at the library next Monday.

— Dad's Puns (@DadsPuns) December 27, 2019

A very Merry Christmas from our Chief Mouser Larry 🎄

🔊SOUND ON 🔊 pic.twitter.com/NvpWhwbwcu

— UK Prime Minister (@10DowningStreet) December 24, 2019

🎁 Wrapping weird presents using science, with Rutherford and Fry! @FryRSquared @AdamRutherford pic.twitter.com/QVipQcZWgb

— BBC Radio 4 (@BBCRadio4) December 21, 2017

All the balls are the same color — and that color is *brown*! pic.twitter.com/JriPXHnNYR

— Chaz Firestone (@chazfirestone) June 14, 2019

I am:
⚪️ a man
⚪️ a woman
🔘 at a holiday party

Looking for:
⚪️ men
⚪️ women
🔘 an excuse to leave that doesn't seem like I'm just creating an excuse to leave

— Roxi Horror 💀🌸 (@roxiqt) December 23, 2019

No actor should ever be cast as Batman unless they ace this scene in a screen test which then gets leaked online. Indeed, all former Batmen ought to record their own versions. https://t.co/KdBhEMcJkM

— Kim Newman (@AnnoDracula) January 31, 2019

The existence of Tom Holland and Tom Hollander implies the existence of a Tom Hollandest.

— Moose Allain Ꙭ (@MooseAllain) December 27, 2019

I tried to sign up to a website the other day.

I put my password as "BeefStew" but it said password wasn't stroganoff.

— Dad's Puns (@DadsPuns) December 27, 2019

When you get to that point of the Christmas period. pic.twitter.com/ckivHiiBBv

— The Poke (@ThePoke) December 27, 2019

At uni we were drunk and a bloke asked me to do a “if we’re both still single at 30” deals and I was all “LOL nah I can do better” and now he owns Netflix or something and I’m 35, sat here on the floor, shattered, eating trifle, single, cursing arrogant 19 year old Drunk Vitt.

— Vittoria Gallagher (@Vitt2tsnoc) December 27, 2019

Look, for 2020, can we all agree to stop saying “I’m humbled” when what you mean is “I want to announce something I’m proud of”? If you want to tell us about being humbled, tell us how you discovered you were wrong, or got humiliatingly accurate critical feedback, or lost.

— Auld Lang Rory (@RoryTyer) December 27, 2019

*The Queen, awarding Sir Elton John his Companion of Honour*

"And you can tell everybody this is your gong."

— Pundamentalism (@Pundamentalism) December 27, 2019

Pick a movie.

Keep one actor.

The rest are played by muppets.

— Amber (@BeerBottleBlond) December 27, 2019

The Greatest Showman. Keep Zac Efron, so the human is involved in the two big duets, to great amusement.

Kermit as P.T. Barnum is basically already correct, so.

— Matthew Prorok (@MJtheProphet) December 28, 2019

Dirty Dancing.

Keep Patrick Swayze.https://t.co/kAULaMDWQA

— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) December 28, 2019

Die Hard. Alan Rickman

— Paul (@EwanRCD) December 27, 2019

The Truman Show. Jim Carey.

— Hop Forward (@hopforwardbeers) December 27, 2019

Titanic. Keep Billy Zane.

— Olly Clarke (@aswifthaIf) December 27, 2019

Lord of the Rings! Keep Sir Ian Mckellen

— Erin Grand (@astroeringrand) December 28, 2019

Groundhog Day, keep Bill Murray.

— ace-o-aces (@aceoaces) December 28, 2019