ineke.co.uk

Honestly my take away from this chart is that donuts are healthier than I thought https://t.co/VCs5ZCPQqE

— Dr. Glaucomflecken (@DGlaucomflecken) May 27, 2019

remember when you had to pay for ringtones now i would throw my phone out the window if it made a single sound

— doctor peanut (@NINETIREDBUGS) January 5, 2020

Me for a week practicing:

*Frankincense*
*Frankincense*
*Frankincense*
*Frankincense*
*Frankincense*
*Frankincense*
*ok I think I got it*

Also me:
“… and offered Him gifts of gold,
Frankenstein, and myrrh…”

— Fr. Goyo (@FrGoyo) January 4, 2020

Christmas. It’s all fun and games until someone drags the dead tree out the house. The pine needle trail of gloom. The murky tree water. The last bauble, clinging on. The redundant fairy lights, entwined in an impenetrable knot. The house, naked now, except: obstinate glitter ✨

— Joanna Hardy (@Joanna__Hardy) January 5, 2020

To those of you doing Dry January, please remember it only means alcohol, please don't stop drinking all liquids, Steph in marketing keeps passing out and it's only 10.30am.

— Dave (@davechannel) January 7, 2020

“Could you do me a favour and put all that in an email?” – Translation: I haven’t been listening and I want to escape

— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) January 7, 2020

Have you, like me, ever wondered how long it would take the Diocesan Bishops of the Church of England to walk from their cathedrals to a Nando's if they were peckish? Wonder no more. pic.twitter.com/Wtb6MIXaku

— Fergus Butler-Gallie (@_F_B_G_) January 6, 2020

The 5th step for building this stool is buying a pizza and all flat-pack instructions should end like thishttps://t.co/kYahZg6CWv pic.twitter.com/gGwRwSGhxV

— The Poke (@ThePoke) January 7, 2020

Stop being silly. Science has nothing to do with it. God, (who is Cornish)decided, by inventing CLOTTED CREAM, that it should be the shining crown. #jamfirst

— Dawn French (@Dawn_French) January 7, 2020

‘Played like a fiddle’https://t.co/nk7K2ksfmT pic.twitter.com/e4FViCJvch

— The Poke (@ThePoke) January 7, 2020

I'm not saying the BAFTA awards aren't diverse but big whoop that women were included in the Best Actress category.

— GailRenard (@GailRenard) January 7, 2020

Doctors… pic.twitter.com/cLEIXFv9jT

— You Had One Job (@_youhadonejob1) January 7, 2020

In the car with the kids the other day. They start picking apart songs for not making sense.
“But there aren’t 8 days in a week”
“How can you have purple rain?”
I finally had to say, “They’re song lyrics. They’re not meant to be taken literally!”

Isn’t it Ironic

— Ed Byrne (@MrEdByrne) January 8, 2020

Worship involves making an exodus from the greatest form of bondage: slavery to oneself. Worship means putting the Lord at the centre, not ourselves.

— Pope Francis (@Pontifex) January 8, 2020

I hate spelling errors.

You mix up two letters and your whole post is urined.

— Dad's Puns (@DadsPuns) January 8, 2020

According to the 1872 Licensing Act, it is illegal to be drunk in a pub.

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) January 9, 2020

Fun Game: Use finger quotes whenever using a colleague’s name so that they eventually start doubting their own existence.

— Dave (@davechannel) January 9, 2020

This New Year's Eve year is a formative moment in novelty new year eyewear.

As the Gregorian calendar enters a new decade, this year's attempts to position eyeholes around or inside the number "2" will establish the design foundations of such glasses for years to come…

— marie foulston (@tigershungry) December 28, 2019

Looking into rumours that Prince Harry and Meghan have agreed to appear in a new reality TV series called “The Only Way Is Sussex”.

— Elizabeth Windsor (@Queen_UK) January 10, 2020

Weekly reminder that it’s not actually VAR you hate, it’s the laws of football as they currently stand.

— George Dugdale (@GeorgeDugdale) January 10, 2020

Me: Masked Singer is one of the most ludicrous TV programmes I’ve ever seen. The concept. The costumes. The judges guesses! Ridiculous! All of it!

Also me: I can’t wait for this week’s episode of Masked Singer! #maskedsinger

— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) January 11, 2020