Woman asks distant acquaintance to change her dogs name so she can call her daughter that.
Just had to say a final goodbye to a much-loved, long-serving pair of socks. Thank you old friend.
— Richard Osman (@richardosman) January 26, 2020
Always feel extra sorry for the ‘twin without a hole’ that gets condemned alongside.
— Richard Parsöns (@stickyegg) January 26, 2020
According to Leicester University it would take 2,425,907 seagulls to lift James's giant peach, not the 501 that Roald Dahl suggested.
— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) January 27, 2020
A recent University College London study has determined that going to the cinema is equivalent to a light workout.
When you get into the story, your heart rate rises as much as when you do light cardio.
(Image: Thomas Hawk.) pic.twitter.com/4mytFV7vcx
— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) January 27, 2020
The 'Brexit' 50p coin is missing an Oxford comma, and should be boycotted by all literate people.
— Philip Pullman (@PhilipPullman) January 26, 2020
I am unutterably delighted to learn that when a Portuguese person wants to express the thought ‘a bad workman blames his tools,’ she says instead that ‘A BAD DANCER BLAMES HIS TROUSERS.’
— Lucy Worsley (@Lucy_Worsley) January 26, 2020
When you're at work and you hear someone say that they've brought in cakes. pic.twitter.com/ItP49lS8Xo
— The Poke (@ThePoke) January 27, 2020
Without hesitation, deviation or repetition I’d like to say that Nicholas Parsons was a broadcasting giant who proved that the straight man could be the real star of comedy. Will be hugely missed by all who work at & love @BBCRadio4 https://t.co/8r2hyMMXRY
— Nick Robinson (@bbcnickrobinson) January 28, 2020
As the Minute Waltz fades away, we bid farewell to a much loved father of Radio 4. Presenter of Just a Minute for over 50 years, Nicholas Parsons CBE. Much loved by many listeners, not only in this country but around the world.
— Adam Mills (@adammills) January 28, 2020
The sound of the final whistle. Nicholas Parsons was truly the kindest and most generous person I’ve ever worked with. His continued delight at being a part of show business should be an inspiration to us all! Huge love to his wife Annie and his whole family. #ripnicholasparsons
— graham norton (@grahnort) January 28, 2020
Nicholas Winton helped 669 Jewish children escape the Nazis. His efforts went unrecognized for 50 years; then in 1988, while sitting as a member of a TV audience, he suddenly found himself surrounded by the kids he’d rescued, now adults.
It often takes the dark to see the stars. pic.twitter.com/YJNukAtNmQ
— Gurwinder (@G_S_Bhogal) January 27, 2020
I hope it’s called The Stilton. https://t.co/yzX7mGihwc
— Richard Osman (@richardosman) January 29, 2020
Okay by a show of hands, how many of you open the egg carton while shopping to make sure the eggs aren't broken?
The rest of you give me anxiety.
— que cera sarah 🤷 (@dooz_er) January 27, 2020
Should… should someone tell them? https://t.co/ZcuR0rkhBA
— Carolyn Pirtle (@carolyn_pirtle) January 29, 2020
BREAKING: 'Poor value projects must be cut', insist men who've spent £130 billion on some blue passports and a fancy new 50 pence piece: pic.twitter.com/QV050OZOUH
— Have I Got News For You (@haveigotnews) January 30, 2020
The difference between 'woman' and 'lady' is most pronounced when you add the word 'cat' in front of both.
— Pundamentalism (@Pundamentalism) January 30, 2020
Germ scientists have confirmed that the ‘five-second rule’ for eating food off the floor is fairly accurate.
— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) January 30, 2020
Britain left embarrassed by juvenile behaviour of Saga Holidays group on coach-trip to Brussels: pic.twitter.com/2fsLYCr1JD
— Have I Got News For You (@haveigotnews) January 30, 2020
Advertising screen, central Brussels 31 Jan 2020 pic.twitter.com/MYNoC5buUj
— Michael D Wild (@MichaelDWild) January 31, 2020
Brussels bids farewell to the UK in a celebration of all things British https://t.co/GXohVJMHtZ pic.twitter.com/kzWM0PNczd
— Expats in Belgium (@ExpatBelgium) January 31, 2020
#Brexit #Banksy pic.twitter.com/6ANu3UV2sf
— Joe (@JBDT) January 31, 2020
Done with respect and grace. Not a shred of either from Farage/Widdecombe lot. https://t.co/VX5aG0oIXX
— Shappi Khorsandi (@ShappiKhorsandi) January 31, 2020
The Union Flag is taken down outside the European Parliament. pic.twitter.com/PyPaLFdU5P
— Aisling Ennis (@aislingrosennis) January 31, 2020
In a world gone tits up, restore your faith in humanity with this ever-growing thread of pure gold. 👇 https://t.co/XPFFmOZbC4
— Marty Lawrence (@TeaAndCopy) July 17, 2019
BREAKING: UK leaves European Union. It’s finally over*.
*With the exception of endless trade negotiations, Brexit being blamed for everything that goes wrong in the foreseeable future and decades of bickering over whether or not it was a good idea.
— Have I Got News For You (@haveigotnews) January 31, 2020
Me: *looking through a telescope*: Wow, the universe is so beautiful
God: *placing hands inside black holes*: Thanksssss, it has pockets— Jennifer Morrow (@jenniferemorrow) April 26, 2018
Maria is such a common name in Brazil, that there’s a drawer only for them, in a doctor i went yesterday from mildlyinteresting
View this post on InstagramHere is a useful mnemonic poem to help you remember how many days there are in each month.
A post shared by Brian Bilston (@brian_bilston) on
View this post on InstagramA post shared by Anya Hindmarch (@anyahindmarch) on
View this post on InstagramAdorable 😂 Follow: @littlefur.paws for more Use #littlefurpaws to get featured . Credit: @newsflare
A post shared by Little Fur Paws 🐕 (@littlefur.paws) on
View this post on InstagramMaybe it was the one about making vacuum cleaners more energy efficient.
A post shared by Matt Haig (@mattzhaig) on
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