ineke.co.uk

You've got to feel for poor Brenda: "Hi Brenda, we've got a favour to ask you…" pic.twitter.com/PNHkDk6QWf

— Chris Shaw (@ChrisShawEditor) July 21, 2017

Things to do in February:
– Eat pancakes
– Try to cancel gym membership
– Ignore Valentine’s Day
– Love or hate rugby
– Be glad it’s not January
– Wait until March
– That’s about it

— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) February 1, 2020

A lot of tweets about #PalindromeDay miss that 02 February 2020 is a palindrome in USA, UK and ISO formats; it is a palindrome day of the year (33) and there are a palindrome of days left in the year (333).

This will never happen again. More details here: https://t.co/OUObHdBoz6 pic.twitter.com/GD7zh50DPH

— Matt Parker (@standupmaths) February 2, 2020

Cristiano Ronaldo makes more money from his Instagram account than from playing football.

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) February 2, 2020

A British guide to the #Superbowl:

1. It's on very late
2. It takes ages
3. It's sort of like rugby, but longer
4. It takes ages
5. There are lots of adverts
6. It takes ages
7. There's some music halfway through
8. Did we mention it takes ages?
9. See #2
10. It takes ages

— innocent drinks (@innocent) February 2, 2020

This Super Bowl ref is missing a lot of obstructions and hand-balls

— Milton Jones (@themiltonjones) February 3, 2020

BREAKING: Public admit to slight confusion as PM appears to be still negotiating EU deal despite having “got Brexit done” last Friday.

— The Poke (@ThePoke) February 3, 2020

ALL WORK SMALL TALK:

Monday: "How was your weekend?" "Yeah, fine."

Tuesday: "How's your week going?" "Yeah, fine. Busy."

Wednesday: "How's your busy week going?" "Yeah, fine."

Thursday: "Almost the weekend." "Yep."

Friday: "Any weekend plans?" "Just a quiet one, y'know?"

— innocent drinks (@innocent) February 4, 2020

Scientists are trying to figure out why a star known as Methuselah appears to be older than the universe.

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) February 4, 2020

Tweet of the day has been found. Stop now. https://t.co/1qR4Xi0Wbh

— Stephen McGann (@StephenMcGann) February 5, 2020

I thought this was a parody, then I saw it was the real actual president of America, then I watched it to the end and it was even worse, then I turned the sound on and it was yet more even worse.

I miss normal. 😦 https://t.co/80h5G6tSbH

— Jay Foreman (@jayforeman) February 6, 2020

Me, every time my kids ask a science question. pic.twitter.com/WqknOudnBf

— Mark Watson (@watsoncomedian) February 6, 2020

Brexit Britain on Friday: residents of the Winchester Tower flats in Norwich woke up to posters attached to their doors. And still some people think this was a good idea. Only in this new Britain being bilingual is something to be ashamed of. #BrexitReality #BrexitShambles pic.twitter.com/jbHkGGOPAm

— 🐊💉👍 Dani 🌈🍺🥩❤️ (@daninigro) February 3, 2020

🇶: Is it safe to receive a letter or a package from China?
🇦: Yes, it is safe. People receiving packages from China are not at risk of contracting #2019nCoV.
From previous analysis, we know coronaviruses do not survive long on objects, such as letters or packages.#KnowTheFacts pic.twitter.com/bfQhrwwoSm

— World Health Organization (WHO) Western Pacific (@WHOWPRO) February 1, 2020

Netflix don’t do news & weather.
Netflix don’t do radio.
Netflix don’t do podcasts.
Netflix don’t do Bitesize education.
Netflix don’t show live sport or cover national events.
Netflix don’t do regional specific content.
Netflix don’t make Doctor Who. https://t.co/EDLjtRxOqy

— Evan Jones (@Evan_257) February 5, 2020

I would love to know how this kid turned out..?! Can we find him on here… 😂 https://t.co/BgnpwLvRQf

— Chris Stark (@Chris_Stark) February 7, 2020

Sorry, but if the English can't be bothered to learn English then they shouldn't be here pic.twitter.com/jzSs82e3H0

— Michael Deacon (@MichaelPDeacon) February 7, 2020

Efficiency in creative advertising at its best, at The Friars pub in Bridgnorth. pic.twitter.com/JQLlFdqtjc

— Famous Campaigns (@famouscampaigns) February 7, 2020

This week’s Guardian restaurant column is about a northern chip shop. This comment has kept me awake. I. I just. What. pic.twitter.com/9mHGb9fvOt

— Grace Dent (@gracedent) February 8, 2020