ineke.co.uk

980 years to go and Busted’s prediction that ‘not much would have changed’ by the year 3000 is looking in even more serious trouble now.

— Mark Watson (@watsoncomedian) March 15, 2020

Imagine Twitter during WWII. Christ, it'd be all: what idiot didn't look at the weather forecast before giving D day the go ahead? Why are there a bunch of people doing cross words in Bletchley Park?

— Andrew Johnson (@andyjey) March 14, 2020

Travel editors are having to be very creative. #coronavirus pic.twitter.com/3r4RMCE9Gh

— Richard Eden (@richardaeden) March 15, 2020

Saw a woman in supermarket with easily 200 cans of long-life milk in a trolley, could feel myself preparing to be snooty, but in fact she worked there and was about to fill the shelves. LIFE LESSON.

— Mark Watson (@watsoncomedian) March 15, 2020

Supermarket Sweep and Ready Steady Cook are becoming a bit too real….

— R Y L A N (@Rylan) March 15, 2020

Day 1 of social distancing: we have alphabetised our bookshelves.
Day 2 of social distancing: we have arranged our books by colour.
Day 3 of social distancing: we are seriously considering actually reading one of the books.

— Dave (@davechannel) March 15, 2020

Coronavirus testing in South Korea:

1. Drive to a testing station
2. Stay in your car
3. It takes less than 10 minutes
4. Results texted to you the next day

Done. Oh, and it's free.

— Norbert Elekes (@NorbertElekes) March 14, 2020

Almost as long, but 100 x more enjoyable. https://t.co/MaytGFUmTg

— Jojo Moyes (@jojomoyes) March 15, 2020

Friends canceled their son’s Bar Mitzvah this weekend but decided to keep the contract with their caterer, a tiny Hmong-owned business. They delivered the food to friends in quarantine & sent pans home with others. Grateful for stories like this and for community in a bleak time.

— hodel in the streets, chava in the sheets (@mrotzie) March 15, 2020

That lovely community spirit kicking in. https://t.co/z5LGvavY37

— Aisling Bea (@WeeMissBea) March 16, 2020

WHY WE NEED SOCIAL DISTANCING, as illustrated by Scrubs.
https://t.co/uLxE4MbaAC

— Naima Cochrane (@naima) March 15, 2020

You need this pic.twitter.com/kxJ2FqPOHP

— Al (@alste_) March 16, 2020

Absolutely cracking time to release a drama that hinges on coughing. https://t.co/Q7XW4cdKes

— Aaron (@AaronBoardley) March 16, 2020

Due to coronavirus precaution, Bob Shellard isn't allowed to visit his wife in her Connecticut nursing home. So he stood outside her window and held up a sign that said "I've loved you 67 years and still do. Happy Anniversary." https://t.co/cIwZxwmZeN pic.twitter.com/nW86SYm4HU

— NBC New York (@NBCNewYork) March 16, 2020

Just did shopping –

Tesco: no loo roll
Co Op: no loo roll
Waitrose: no loo roll
Local Corner Shop: LOADS of loo roll.

Now is the time that the local corner shop owner rises up and saves us all.

— Adam Hills (@adamhillscomedy) March 16, 2020

oh my god, the chicago aquarium closed due to coronavirus, so they let the penguins run around and check out the other exhibits. (staff was present.) pic.twitter.com/YGa8CugymE

— Evan McMurry (@evanmcmurry) March 16, 2020

reckon we should have a rule from now on that involves people not tweeting about coronavirus after 10pm unless there's breaking news, reading this stuff night after night just before going to sleep isn't healthy

— Marie Le Conte (@youngvulgarian) March 16, 2020

Quarantine day 6. pic.twitter.com/er652Oy3Ki

— jamie (@gnuman1979) March 16, 2020

Only in @WeLoveBath would @LidlGB shelves be stripped of only free-range eggs, leaving plenty of cheaper ones. Classy panic buying, Bath. pic.twitter.com/GpJ2aefEtP

— Hamish McAlpine (@hamish_mcalpine) March 17, 2020

Every comedian that ever mocked a Youtuber is about to do a massive about face.

— Adam Hills (@adamhillscomedy) March 17, 2020

The best content you will see this weekend:

President of Ireland Michael D. Higgins' dog enters room of 100 people to look for his owner, walks through everyone to find him, is very happy to do so and demands a belly rub during an official eventpic.twitter.com/mKRxSc6w7P

— Matt Sterling (@MSterling27) March 8, 2020

My youngest son was bored today and said, "can we put Christmas lights on our tree outside to cheer us up?" Great idea buddy. Lights are on tonight as a sign of hope and the sweet mind of my 10 year old. #Rhodeisland #hope #lovemysons #Christmas #Cumberland pic.twitter.com/qhVjeuLc02

— Mike Griffin (@rhodyknowsbest) March 16, 2020

pic.twitter.com/mCOJ0z6Wfg

— Tom Hanks (@tomhanks) March 17, 2020

I'm still not watching game of thrones.

— Kath 💙🙀🇪🇺✊🏾 (@KathyBurke) March 18, 2020

MAYBE IT WASN'T A METEORITE AND THE DINOSAURS JUST DIDN'T WASH THEIR HANDS

— David O'Doherty (@phlaimeaux) March 18, 2020

John answered, "Anyone who has two toilet rolls should share with the one who has none, and anyone who has hand-sanitiser should do the same." Luke 3:11 (New Applied Revised Version)

— alistair (@AlistairMay) March 18, 2020

I’ve decided to stop using toilet paper.

— RainnWilson (@rainnwilson) March 19, 2020

Why are you acting like this is a new decision?

— Jenna Fischer (@jennafischer) March 19, 2020

According to @GregJames this is "Radio 1 folklore." An incredible moment that has never made it to air … before now 😲

Here is @JordanNorth1 with one of the most incredible gaffs you're ever going to see 😂😳 pic.twitter.com/xp3sR8GBNv

— BBC Radio 1 (@BBCR1) March 18, 2020

One would like to remind you that Supermarket Sweep is a British TV game show, and not a documentary. #coronavirus #panicbuying

— King Charles III (parody) (@Charles_HRH) March 19, 2020

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others”.

The Book of Philippians, chapter 2, verses 3 & 4 👍🏻

Have a good one

— Dan Walker (@mrdanwalker) March 19, 2020

THE TEN COVID-MENTS

Thou shalt stay home.
Thou shalt not gather in groups.
Thou shalt not panic.
Thou shalt not hoard TP.
Wash thy hands.
Honor thy curfew.
Check on loved ones.
Do not COVID thy neighbor's wife.
Seriously, THOU SHALT STAY HOME .
Thou shalt make the best of it.

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) March 20, 2020

Watching #Doctors on BBC1, and am beginning to suspect it isn’t live.

— Richard Osman (@richardosman) March 20, 2020

Looks like @iamchrisramsey and @missalexjones have got this social distancing down! 🛋#TheOneShow pic.twitter.com/Bnh6BslSW2

— BBC The One Show (@BBCTheOneShow) March 20, 2020

Here at @FitStepsLife we want to you to keep dancing. We have halved the price of our online Strictly Fun Fitness Packages so you can #DanceYourselfFit at home with @ianwaite @RealNatalieLowe & get advice from @MarkFosterSwim https://t.co/feykZCCYqc#homeworkout #FitSteps pic.twitter.com/sbBsBaaSuD

— FitSteps On Demand (@FitStepsOD) March 20, 2020

Mate applied for a temporary job at @Tesco this morning at 7am, got a call at 12pm to go for an interview at 3pm and has got the job! Anyone who is currently looking for any work, try all of the supermarkets as they are desperate for staff to keep the shelves stocked for us.

— Michelle 💙 (@JurgensTeeth) March 19, 2020

Day 4 of not going out. I blame Lee Mack. He made it look much more fun than this.

— David Baddiel (@Baddiel) March 20, 2020

Exceedingly good cat https://t.co/S3DSsN1tW1

— Larry the Cat (@Number10cat) March 21, 2020

Happy #Caturdaypic.twitter.com/lw9OXCqE5t

— Larry the Cat (@Number10cat) March 21, 2020

THIS is how you say goodbye to the children who are temporarily not in your school. You show your appreciation and treat them like superstars. This is the @McrAcademy way. Keep making magic everyone until we reunite. @UnitedLearning pic.twitter.com/rwzDdxqt0e

— James Eldon (@EldonPrincipal) March 20, 2020