ineke.co.uk

After four months of not being able to go to the pub, it's been so lovely, finally, to not go to the pub out of choice.

— Richard Osman (@richardosman) July 4, 2020

Boris Johnson:
“I don’t believe in gestures”

In unrelated news: https://t.co/lsejoaiYVn

— David Schneider (@davidschneider) July 4, 2020

Given you went to the Tulsa rally, the earliest you could have arrived back was 13 days ago. And there is nothing in the quarantine LAW about getting tested – you stay home, not endanger others by leaving. https://t.co/TO7hfcSCNN

— Adam Kay (@amateuradam) July 4, 2020

No-one could have seen this coming. https://t.co/Vleeu8iHtO

— David Schneider (@davidschneider) July 5, 2020

Matt Hancock saying the emphasis is to get back to normal but 'only where it is safe to do so.' Which begs the question: why start re-opening the places where it is least safe to do so?

— Matt Haig (@matthaig1) July 5, 2020

📆 25th October – Lose 9-0 to Leicester

📆 5th July – beat Man City 1-0 and sit 2 points behind Tottenham

When the Saints go marching on 💪#SaintsFC pic.twitter.com/S4Y8ohJ2ZK

— Colossus Bets (@ColossusBets) July 5, 2020

With an audience of 5.7 million on the BBC the @SouthamptonFC v @ManCity game was the most watched Premier League match of all-time. Can’t believe it took us so long. 😉

— Gary Lineker (@GaryLineker) July 6, 2020

My HAMILTON hot take is that every Broadway musical should be recorded and made available to the public so they can be seen by more than rich New Yorkers.

— Kate Feldman (@kateefeldman) July 5, 2020

Feeding curry to a sheep reduces the amount of methane in its farts by up to 40%.

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) July 6, 2020

Hello, I'd like to report a crime please… https://t.co/E3PqlAINwd

— Waterstones (@Waterstones) July 7, 2020

Clapping, lighting up downing street, candles, awards, these weirdos will literally do anything except pay them what they deserve. https://t.co/JAyXH5PjLV

— TechnicallyRon (@TechnicallyRon) July 7, 2020

Despite the descriptions of penguins report that they have a 'short neck', they actually have a long neck, covered by fat. On the other hand, one of the etymology alternatives for penguin is the Latin word 'pinguis', which means 'fat' or 'oil' https://t.co/tkI37m0Dja pic.twitter.com/gci3SDxhYW

— Massimo (@Rainmaker1973) July 7, 2020

To prevent confused Alzheimer’s patients from wandering away and getting lost, many German nursing homes have fake bus stops.

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) July 8, 2020

Boris Johnson.
Time between clapping for care homes and blaming them for his mistakes and the deaths they caused: less than 24 hours. pic.twitter.com/jQJ6QpKXch

— David Schneider (@davidschneider) July 7, 2020

Weather report: Grey with outbreaks of grey, turning more grey as the day goes on with dark grey to look forward to later

— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) July 9, 2020

I'd rather my £10 off food voucher went towards nurse's car parking fees.

— 🔶Jonathan Banks🔶 Parliamentary spokes RNP (@Jonathan_MBanks) July 8, 2020

Wish it would become more popular to say "I don't know enough on that" or "I haven't worked out my thoughts on that yet." I'm personally keen on taking more time to read, learn, listen to others & talk offline instead of dashing off a quick tweet whenever something trends.

— Emma Gannon (@emmagannon) July 9, 2020

Tories in June:
No we won't spend £100 million to feed poor hungry vulnerable kids, we aren't made of money

Tories in July:
Alright everybody here are some vouchers to spend on Wahaca, we expect it to cost 500 million pounds

— James Felton (@JimMFelton) July 9, 2020

Stop what you’re doing and watch this please. One of the greatest deliveries of all time. pic.twitter.com/UldEs3lfJI

— Adil Ray OBE (@adilray) July 8, 2020

Never mind Sunak’s cash and Nandos vouchers, the one thing that will get the economy moving again is an effective track and trace system with an app so it’s lucky we were promised one by the end of June. Oh.

— David Schneider (@davidschneider) July 9, 2020

For over 100 years, the Bridge Inn in Cumbria has held a World’s Biggest Liar Competition. Politicians and lawyers are forbidden from entering because they are "professionals”.

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) July 9, 2020

Just take my money https://t.co/tSFcBciQG6

— Kate Bottley (@revkatebottley) July 9, 2020

Chicken Run 2 announcement!
I have officially been plucked, stuffed & roasted.
If you are interested, do read what I have to say about it.#ageism @actforchangehqhttps://t.co/MqUCOLWuPZ

— Julia Sawalha (@JuliaSawalha1) July 9, 2020

The government:
– Sent 25,000 patients from hospitals to care homes without being tested
– Failed to provide adequate PPE or testing
– Failed to lockdown quickly enough
– Spent 10 years running down the care sector

CONCLUSION
Care providers to blamehttps://t.co/hzYydBhS86

— David Schneider (@davidschneider) July 6, 2020

Johnson blaming care home owners is pure Trumpism. Johnson is Trump with a wider vocabulary and a sketchy knowledge of Greek mythology but the same shamelessness.

— Peter Smith (@Redpeter99) July 6, 2020

Actual footage of me making sure I comply with the social distancing rules.

📹: Imgur user MrPuckett pic.twitter.com/xyEUnnk7e8

— Paul Bronks (@SlenderSherbet) July 10, 2020

It rained today and my nest got filled with water. But on the bright side: now I have a bird bath big enough for me!

— Big Bird (@BigBird) July 10, 2020

I too will be lucky if I make $7.5 million this year https://t.co/VWy6WeMdno

— broti gupta (@BrotiGupta) July 10, 2020

Rutherford (Kiwi) split the atom, Bell (Scot) invented the telephone, Berners-Lee (Brit) invented the WWW, ‘settling’ the Wild West=murdering the Native Americans, the 2 WWs not all yr own work. Otherwise you’re good to go. https://t.co/p6i4IwUdma

— Stephen Mangan (@StephenMangan) July 7, 2020