ineke.co.uk

▪️60,000+ Covid deaths
▪️Worst death rate in Europe
▪️Food bank use at record levels
▪️Millions facing unemployment
▪️4m kids in poverty
▪️Testing, track & trace, NHS app a shambles
▪️Care homes abandoned to Covid

CONCLUSION:
Let’s celebrate! https://t.co/0IbtbMK7zl

— David Schneider (@davidschneider) July 12, 2020

There are about as many trees in London as there are people living in New York.

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) July 12, 2020

Official confirmation: @nosuchthing is basically a premier-league cage fight for dorks https://t.co/2C2iE1HjuF

— Andrew Hunter Murray (@andrewhunterm) July 12, 2020

Thinking about it, they might have been cake after all pic.twitter.com/rtwUW5qib2

— carpet (@WHS_Carpet) July 12, 2020

Made to measure https://t.co/ZlZzTRIJ2W

— Larry the Cat (@Number10cat) July 13, 2020

A PRECRASTINATOR is someone who rushes to get something done earlier than is necessary so they can tick it off their mental to do list.

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) July 13, 2020

“Hello! Hope all’s well? Sorry to pester, I was just wondering if my last email came through? It’s just I’ve been having a few problems with my inbox this week so I didn’t know if it’d got stuck somewhere or…”

Translation: Oi! Answer me!

— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) July 13, 2020

The average garden snail has over 14,000 teeth

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) July 13, 2020

BUSINESS IDEA: ‘Mask Flask.’ The facial covering with a warm beverage dispensing facility

— David O'Doherty (@phlaimeaux) July 13, 2020

How to start a conversation with a cat in different countries:

6. Psp psp psp (England)
5. Kiss kiss kiss (Finland)
4. Pish pish pish (Iran)
3. Minou minou minou (France)
2. Ming ming ming (Philippines)
1. What’s new pussycat, whoa oh whoa (Wales)

— Adam Sharp (@AdamCSharp) July 13, 2020

Have the discernment to know the difference between hate speech and speech you hate.

— Ayishat Akanbi (@Ayishat_Akanbi) July 13, 2020

GENERAL HOSPITAL https://t.co/3n6xHHKzI8

— Josh Gad (@joshgad) July 14, 2020

I’m sure all your mask takes are very interesting but where does it all leave this fella eh? Does he wear one over? Under? Not at all? pic.twitter.com/vEuoQZvWjw

— Fergus Butler-Gallie (@_F_B_G_) July 13, 2020

I’ve now watched the no less than 10 times and I don’t understand what my eyes are seeing https://t.co/vhs46bucqx

— Josh Gad (@joshgad) July 14, 2020

NOT THE BRITISH AIRWAYS ART COLLECTION

Wait, the what? https://t.co/1MgsX8A2dp

— Andrew Hunter Murray (@andrewhunterm) July 15, 2020

Should be specified as "if you have one, wear it now. If you don't, you have until the 24th to get one".

— Nikki Rosemary 🦻🌿 🇪🇺 🇵🇸 (@NikkiFromTShire) July 14, 2020

What completely harmless thing makes you furious & exposes inner demons?

Mine is when people shorten ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ to BO RAP

— Rae Earl (@RaeEarl) July 16, 2020

Dot matrix signs at the station going too slowly.

— Richard Coles (@RevRichardColes) July 16, 2020

The Taskmaster social team: A tournament will be really fun and people will love choosing their favourite moment!

The Taskmaster social team checking in to see how much fun everyone's having: pic.twitter.com/92CaXlxsEx

— Taskmaster (@taskmaster) July 16, 2020

Thankyou so much for all the lovely messages. We are overwhelmed.
I’ve been told to say that the above name was just a joke, I feel it may have got a bit out of hand… but we are going to choose a name really soon 💛 pic.twitter.com/gQej42v6S1

— Chris Stark (@Chris_Stark) July 16, 2020

New chairman of UK intelligence watchdog, Julian Lewis, accuses PM Boris Johnson of behaving in "improper" way by trying to get another candidate – Chris Grayling – elected to the role https://t.co/q7itHtOJb8

— BBC Politics (@BBCPolitics) July 16, 2020

This translates slightly differently in the UK. https://t.co/GKptN9xsKp

— Martin Saunders (@martinsaunders) July 17, 2020

The govt guidelines are clear: Whatever Michael Gove does wrong today you can do it tomorrow.

— Michael Spicer (@MrMichaelSpicer) July 15, 2020

2016-2019:
We survived the blitz we can survive anything 🇬🇧 💪

2020:
HELP THIS THIN FLANNEL IS TRYING TO KILL ME

— James Felton (@JimMFelton) July 14, 2020

“Covid crisis will be over by Christmas” says man who said Covid crisis will be over by June. https://t.co/NksJ7UjKUo

— David Schneider (@davidschneider) July 17, 2020

In Vietnam, the 'Vietnam War' is known as the 'American War.'

— UberFacts (@UberFacts) July 6, 2020

Mount Everest, named after Col. Sir George Everest, should be pronounced 'Eve-rest'.

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) March 14, 2020

Imagine if the coronavirus happened because a little kid somewhere made a wish that their parents would spend more time with them, and it was granted by an evil genie.

— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) July 17, 2020

‘Yes Minister’ has a perfect summary of most Western countries response to the coronavirus outbreak 😷 pic.twitter.com/meuMCqkiAK

— Javier Blas (@JavierBlas) March 10, 2020

the way she starts hopping around wow i can’t handle it 🥺 14/10 https://t.co/3dZwk5HIyH

— WeRateDogs (@dog_rates) July 18, 2020

Honest answers:

—
“Been up to much?”
“I wake up, repeat what I did yesterday and then lie down again”
—
“Did you have fun?”
“I tried”
—
“How have you been?”
“Mostly bored and tired”
—
“Work going okay?”
“No idea”
—
“Are you sure?”
“Never”
—
“Did you get my text?”
“Sure did”

— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) July 18, 2020

And so we conclude our search for the best Taskmaster moment. We hope you had fun and we will never make you choose again. pic.twitter.com/15ufNGBkg6

— Taskmaster (@taskmaster) July 18, 2020