ineke.co.uk

Nigel is going to propose. https://t.co/rqsiv44Y2r

— David KC (@DavidMuttering) August 15, 2020

One of my fave features of York station is the triple-faced electric clock – the third face being an extra to aid panicked passengers running over the bridge to their trains pic.twitter.com/Xro4JbhhaH

— Tim Dunn (@MrTimDunn) August 15, 2020

Due to the education algorithm we have had to change our name from Dave to Ucvu

— Dave (@davechannel) August 16, 2020

Gavin Williamson live on BBC Breakfast right now. Or, as he calls it, DDE Breakfast.

— Richard Osman (@richardosman) August 18, 2020

I’m sorry but if you decide to travel abroad in the middle of a #pandemic please don’t be the shouty ‘outraged’ person who now has to quarantine .. just get on with it knowing that you’ve had a sodding holiday this year 🤦‍♀️ #COVIDIOTS

— Emma B (@EmmaB_Radio) August 16, 2020

Buying a house is like "we have no way of knowing you'll pay back this mortgage of £500 a month"
"I've been paying my landlord £1000 a month"
"Why can't you save up £25000 to reassure us you can afford £500"
"Because I've been paying my landlord £1000 a month"

— Eleanor Mason (@eleanormtweets) August 17, 2020

Sees Danny Ings is Trending no.1 in the UK

Me: pic.twitter.com/b6AutghRDK

— James Smith (@Jaamesmiith) August 18, 2020

TODAY’S WEATHER PREDICTIONS

Fifty percent chance of a tropical monsoon

Fifty percent chance of a heatwave

These are the only two options this month.

— innocent drinks (@innocent) August 18, 2020

Unfortunately we had to remove the listing for the Dream Restaurant. Rumor has it it fell in the Thames, and as a general rule we don’t list restaurants at the bottom of a river. Even ones with a genie waiter. Sorry about that.

— Tripadvisor (@Tripadvisor) August 18, 2020

NEWS!! Filming commences on the #CallTheMidwife Christmas Special and tenth series!! ❤️🚲👶🩺🎥🎉😃

FULL STORY HERE: https://t.co/YBom4OcqAw pic.twitter.com/7qE7emoJ0R

— Call the Midwife (@CallTheMidwife1) August 18, 2020

It’s National #PotatoDay so here are the official rankings for every sort of potato:

1. Roast
2. Hash browns
3. Chips
4. Crisps
5. Mash
6. Waffles
7. Jacket
8. Wedges
9. Those fluffy little croquette things
10. Eating a raw potato like an apple
11. Boiled

— innocent drinks (@innocent) August 19, 2020

Filming has wrapped on the new series of The Great British Bake Off. More news soon… pic.twitter.com/tyDllxJGSv

— British Bake Off (@BritishBakeOff) August 19, 2020

The 8 yr old just asked why the tooth fairy doesn’t just dig up dead people to get teeth.

— Heather (@henmack) August 18, 2020

Saw pizza express was trending and was waiting to see how long it would take for Woking to also be trending

— Amy Jennings (@amyjennings99) August 19, 2020

I’m such an idiot that at first I didn’t realise the snake was moving and thought the frog was gliding down the snake, like the snake was some sort of reptile water slide 🤦🏻‍♀️ https://t.co/U9fszRL7n8

— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) August 19, 2020

2020 has certainly changed David Seaman… pic.twitter.com/uze6W13EJw

— Pete Evans (@PeteEvans87) August 20, 2020

The NHS will collapse. https://t.co/VQMbGiZSSH

— Nick Ferran (@NickFerran) August 20, 2020

Man who caught Coronavirus in his office says there's little chance of catching Coronavirus in your office pic.twitter.com/eeqPvptBsG

— joe heenan (@joeheenan) August 20, 2020

Says man infected in – checks notes – office, whose boss and colleagues were also infected in… offices. https://t.co/Q7wkSxGoKe

— Dr Rachel Clarke (@doctor_oxford) August 20, 2020

I know Matt Hancock’s a super-genius and all that but anyone else see a problem in measuring #COVID19 transmission in offices at a time people weren’t going into offices? #Covid_19 #ThursdayThoughts https://t.co/DzFoatCcAt

— Rod Kelly (@rodkelly50) August 20, 2020

So in the US the posties can arrest people. If that happened over here Postman Pat would be a very different show.https://t.co/A7jl97Lecg

— Malcolm Wood @woodmally1979.bsky.social (@woodmally1979) August 20, 2020

This is a class idea. My mate, Dom, has been using #EatOutToHelpOut and the Wetherspoons table game to help homeless people in Manchester pic.twitter.com/2asqhdIp3R

— Rob Adcock (@RobAdcock) August 19, 2020

I have a cartoon in the current @PrivateEyeNews. pic.twitter.com/Lfs73uynhI

— Moose Allain (2024 edition) Ꙭ (@MooseAllain) August 21, 2020

News Flash
Postman Pat offers help to USPS
Boris refuses to let Royal Main to be involved with US election pic.twitter.com/icK8qeEWCm

— Harry 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 🇬🇧 🇺🇸 (@BritTrumpHater) August 20, 2020

PITCH: "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?" but the contestants are billionaires so it's more of a threat.

— John-Luke Roberts (@jlukeroberts) August 21, 2020

Game 11 of No More Jockeys was late this morning because I'm an idiot. Rest assured I've been given appropriate punishment.https://t.co/lplJf82Vrs pic.twitter.com/jTTAg6kBDj

— Haiminh Le (@haiminh) August 21, 2020

Reading’s eurovision entry for 2021 https://t.co/w7m2FCGCC4

— James Murray (@jamesmurray91) August 22, 2020