ineke.co.uk

363 days until Christmas and some people already have their decorations up, this has gone too far.

— Dave (@davechannel) December 27, 2020

It’s been Sunday for four days now.

— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) December 27, 2020

I learned this morning that my parents’ unconditional love expires on New Years Eve. pic.twitter.com/GpQbdaPwVs

— Will Keible (@WillKeible) December 25, 2020

(Unofficial) word of the day is Merryneum: the blurry space between Christmas and the New Year.

— Susie Dent (@susie_dent) December 27, 2020

Six months ago I said “bees are lovely aren’t they?” to my mum… pic.twitter.com/EFY299mTTH

— MissB 📚 (@BickertonMiss) December 26, 2020

If we’re going to treat his kids like royalty can we at least pin down a ballpark number https://t.co/JVgbDzC6El

— James Felton (@JimMFelton) December 27, 2020

Some zoos take donations of Christmas trees to provide enrichment for their animals. Lions are particularly fond of them. pic.twitter.com/QzUXWAKshZ

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) December 27, 2020

ADVERTS.

Before Christmas.

BUY CAKE!
BUY CHOCOLATE!
BUY MEAT!
BUY CHEESE!
BUY BOOZE!
EAT AND DRINK EVERYTHING!
MORE! MORE! MORE!

After Christmas.

DIET!
LOSE THAT DISGUSTING CHRISTMAS WEIGHT, LARDO!
DETOX!
EW, YOUR JEANS DON'T FIT, CHUNKY!
LOOK AT YOU, FATSO!
YOU MAKE ME SICK!

— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) December 27, 2020

It’s Monday?! When did this happen? Why were we not informed?! Oh, bank holiday Monday. Carry on eating choccies in your pyjamas…

— Larry the Cat (@Number10cat) December 28, 2020

The good news is you have now completed every single Monday in 2020. The bad news is there may be more Mondays next year.

— innocent drinks (@innocent) December 29, 2020

Early humans may have hibernated through the winter.

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) December 28, 2020

After this year we can be assured that time travel is never invented. If it was, any polite future people would have come from the future to warn us about this year.

— Dave (@davechannel) December 28, 2020

“The worst moment for an atheist is when he feels a profound sense of gratitude and has no one to thank.” CS Lewis https://t.co/wk3bin0pJo

— Sam Hailes ن (@samhailes) December 28, 2020

Read the room Apple pic.twitter.com/ddWXSaU9Oq

— Jess Temby (@JessTemby) December 28, 2020

I came across this tweet from "Caroline Mansfield" about my local hospital being "empty".

So let's take a look:

First up, some warning signs:
1) A generic username, and another real Twitter account (I've emailed)
2) No registration with GCRN
3) Only recently joined Twitter pic.twitter.com/8WVDL2MAqf

— Dr Dominic Pimenta MD (@DrDomPimenta) December 29, 2020

Coronavirus cases in last year ⬇️

Australia 🇦🇺: 28,350
Hong Kong 🇭🇰: 8,671
New Zealand 🇳🇿: 2,151
Taiwan 🇹🇼: 793
Thailand 🇹🇭: 6,440

Coronavirus cases in UK, last 24hrs: 53,135 🇬🇧

No more waiting: we need urgent action, now.

— Dr Meenal Viz 💙 (@drmeenalviz) December 29, 2020

My son learnt how to say Alexa before he said Daddy kmt. She don’t even pay rent.

— GUVNA B (@GuvnaB) December 29, 2020

This year has been a reminder for all of us who put so much faith into a "2020 Vision" over the last few years that we need to better remember James 4:13-16 pic.twitter.com/yPRai55dyn

— Anon Church Guy (@MrChurchGuy) December 29, 2020

True story. A neighbour came to the door tonight very concerned.

Her: I know you started our street's WhatsApp group and you know everybody so maybe you already know what I'm going to ask…
Me: No, what?
Her: I think one of our neighbours is a member of ISIS.

Thread…

— Glen Scrivener (@glenscrivener) December 29, 2020

These ambulances are queuing outside Queen Elizabeth Hospital, Birmingham tonight. There’s a sick patient inside every one of them. They can’t even enter the building.

This is the reality of Covid – right here, right now. Hospitals at breaking point. (H/T @drpunith) pic.twitter.com/YlKLH8GBUW

— Dr Rachel Clarke (@doctor_oxford) December 29, 2020

During the first wave, after pressurising many central London hospitals to release staff, the London Nightingale had enough staff to care for 42 COVID-19 patients.

42.

The government used it as a PR device, disregarded many expert opinions, and wasted public money. 🏥 💰 🚨

— Dr Julia Grace Patterson💙 (@JujuliaGrace) December 28, 2020

I’ve been married to @Dr_Lucie for the better part of a decade (plus many years prior) and I only just discovered today that when programming: for a loop-in-a-loop after “i” I use “j” but she uses “ii”. Geniius. Marriage really is a never-ending journey of discovery.

— Matt Parker (@standupmaths) December 29, 2020

I know everything is effing dreadful, but I promise you, watching @taskmaster all the way through from series 1 will make you feel better

— Jen Larner (@itsjenlarner) December 29, 2020

With two days left in 2020 we should be expecting the final plot twist of the series. Odds so far are:
4/1 Alien invasion
6/1 Some sort of Godzilla related event
7/1 The duck uprising
10/1 Gravity just turns off

— Dave (@davechannel) December 30, 2020

Dear @Ocado @waitrose @sainsburys @Tesco I want a tab when I shop online that states add to food bank. I want the option of adding food that is requested by food banks. Make it happen!

— Steve (@poorscousertom1) December 29, 2020

Got unblinded today, seems I was vaccinated via the Oxford trial 6 months ago.
I thought it was luck that I hadn’t caught covid – turns out it was science 👍

Ps: it was totally fine, would thoroughly recommend

— Vicky Theakston (@vicky_theakston) December 29, 2020

@DavidEHolden insightfully said to us that online church is like manna and quails. Can get a bit samey, can be uninteresting, but it is absolutely provision from God that has in many ways sustained us and in others made us long for deeper connection with God and man.

— Richard James Butt (@richjamesbutt) December 29, 2020

"We have to open the schools for the benefit of young people's mental health"
"Ok so are you going to put the resources in place to help and fund mental health programmes?"
"Shut up"

— TechnicallyRon (On all the platforms) (@TechnicallyRon) December 30, 2020

We know we show a lot of BBC content that we repeat several months after it initially airs, but we'd like to assure you that we won't be repeating any of these press conferences. First of all, none of the jokes land.

— Dave (@davechannel) December 30, 2020

We need to stop comparing Pfizer and AstraZeneca, just be thankful that we got to witness two great vaccines in our lifetime.

— Jonny Sharples (@JonnyGabriel) December 30, 2020

people saying blame the gov not individuals breaking lockdown for this not knowing I can do both 😈

— Mollie Goodfellow (@hansmollman) December 30, 2020

My heart goes out to all the teachers, helpless.

If the government is so desperate to start the schools, start vaccinating the teachers.#vaccinationtheneducation

— Danny Wallace (@dannywallace) December 30, 2020

My New Years Resolution 2020 – see the world, meet new people, expand my horizons.

My New Years Resolution 2021 – really hoping I can get to Robert Dyas at some point.

— Richard Osman (@richardosman) December 31, 2020

They also don’t shop in Lidl, live in cities, or hop on trains. We could do this all day, David. https://t.co/C5W54sxXrF

— Mic Wright (@brokenbottleboy) December 31, 2020

Life expectancy of a lion in the wild, subject to injuries, disease, etc = 10 to 15 years.

Life expectancy of a zoo lion, with access to modern medicine & protection from disease = 30 years. https://t.co/9eAxt7N6uc

— David Andress (@ProfDaveAndress) December 31, 2020

NYE 2019: “Pub’s a bit quiet tonight.”
NYE 2020: “Hold my beer.”
NYE 2019: “What beer?” pic.twitter.com/cFRaogmXCN

— Paul Kerensa (@paulkerensa) December 31, 2020

Did you know the Westminster Chimes of Big Ben… have words?
"All through this hour,
Lord be my Guide.
And by thy power,
No foot shall slide."
Sing along at midnight!

— Paul Kerensa (@paulkerensa) December 31, 2020

Happy New Year to Simon McCoy, who bid farewell to 2020 like only he could pic.twitter.com/ZYOWXODkZ2

— Ryan Love (@RyanJL) January 1, 2021

Don’t forget to update your Euro notes today. pic.twitter.com/J7FZ53SJtG

— Mr M (@SeditiousShadow) January 1, 2021

Starting the year as they mean to go on!https://t.co/NMN0rijcE4 pic.twitter.com/QSQdp6NEKd

— Ed (@Statistitching) January 1, 2021

I thought this was a nice touch last night. pic.twitter.com/UKQPOZYhSp

— christhebarker (@christhebarker) January 1, 2021

Refusing to believe anything you're told, doesn't make you cleverer than the rest of us. Recognising the times when you are actually being told the truth is a crucial skill.

— Richard Osman (@richardosman) January 1, 2021

What a way to end the year https://t.co/iZvyNLJKPq

— Joe Lycett (@joelycett) January 1, 2021

Worked the late A&E SHO shift on NYE and came out to this. Hundreds of maskless, drunk people in huge groups shouting "Covid is a hoax", literally outside the building where hundreds are sick and dying. Why do people still not realise the seriousness of this pandemic? pic.twitter.com/KTkCtNf62A

— Matthew Lee (@Mattbklee) January 1, 2021

Gavin Williamson:

▪️U-turned on opening schools in June
▪️Presided over A level fiasco and U-turn
▪️Failed to properly protect schools
▪️Threatened legal action against councils re school closures
▪️Insisted schools open then U-turned

GOVERNMENT CONCLUSION:
Doing a great job

— David Schneider (@davidschneider) January 1, 2021

Time to bring back those date-stamps in the corner of photos like we had in the 90s, so we know whether to tut at the lack of social distancing in the pic you just shared.

— Paul Kerensa (@paulkerensa) January 2, 2021

In Hong Kong, all new buildings must have at least 1.6 women’s toilets for every men’s toilet.

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) January 2, 2021

New Year is the Netflix Autoplay Next Episode of the calendar. Just finished one year (that should have come with a warning) but go on, let’s start another. I hear this one gets good, though it’s a bit slow to begin with. Skip intro.

— Paul Kerensa (@paulkerensa) January 1, 2021