ineke.co.uk

If this tier 4 stuff is true then that will be the 4th set of different restrictions London will have been under in 19 days. This is changing faster than a Sugababes line up.

— Laura (@fairycakes) December 19, 2020

The biggest rebrand of 2020:

Lockdown now called Tier 4.

— Tina Daheley (@TinaDaheley) December 19, 2020

My other half sobbed after Tier 4 announcement. Two weeks ago he was philosophical and reconcilled to not seeing his folks over Xmas. Then Johnson waded in and raised his hopes. Guaranteed it. And even people who distrust him, wanted to believe it so much, that they did. Bastard.

— Alex Andreou (@sturdyAlex) December 19, 2020

Jan 2020: "Why would I ever more than 1TB of SSD"
Dec 2020: Deleting games one by one to squeeze in more church video. pic.twitter.com/pFCF6PMoXg

— Jason Elkin (@jasonelkin86) December 20, 2020

I reckon the Queen’s Speech will just be a sigh.

— Matt Haig (@matthaig1) December 19, 2020

I’ve been to the Tier 3000, not much has changed but we live underwater

— ratti hex (@HattiRex) December 19, 2020

This tweet didn’t age well. https://t.co/uQ9d184prZ

— Jack Whitehall (@jackwhitehall) December 20, 2020

How about at 8pm this Thursday we all open our windows, stick our heads out and just scream?

— Sophie Heawood (@heawood) December 20, 2020

It's the lateness that's frustrating. Late to take covid seriously. Late with PPE and track and trace. Late to lockdown. Twice. Late to fire Cummings. Late to change advice on facemasks. Late to change Christmas rules. The government's always fixing yesterday's problem tomorrow.

— Matt Haig (@matthaig1) December 19, 2020

having a fight with your sibling and watching them get in trouble for it pic.twitter.com/wFf74acIKl

— three wise pams 👑 (@alexandrakuri) December 20, 2020

“🎵 SIMPLY… HAVING… A WONDERF…”

Not now, please, Paul.

— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) December 20, 2020

How long after things start to return to normal do you think it will be, that we don't get the covid fear everytime you or someone within a mile radius of you, coughs? #covid #covidfear

— Katharine W-R (@kwelbyroberts) December 20, 2020

That’s a bit harsh. Call him Prime Minister, show some respect. pic.twitter.com/2miKcyu6uE

— Stephen Mangan (@StephenMangan) December 20, 2020

It’s now imperative that PM seeks an agreement to extend the Brexit transition period. The new Covid strain – & the various implications of it – means we face a profoundly serious situation, & it demands our 100% attention. It would be unconscionable to compound it with Brexit.

— Nicola Sturgeon (@NicolaSturgeon) December 20, 2020

Jesus wasn't just a way in a manger, He was the Way in a manger.

— I told the Church Dad Jokes on Christmas Day (@MrChurchGuy) December 20, 2020

Been presenting this show for over 20 years and still get my name spelt incorrectly. 🤣 pic.twitter.com/oyzFyVV2pB

— Gary Lineker (@GaryLineker) December 20, 2020

Right now, tonight, Johnson needs to do what he should have done many months ago, he must call Ursula von der Leyen and plead for an extension to the transition period. It will be politically embarrassing & probably cost him his job but anything else is criminally irresponsible.

— bob evans (@thebobevans) December 20, 2020

We've just spent 5 years at war with each other, devalued the £ by 20%, savaged our economy, quit the world's largest free trade zone, created a mountain of red tape & flushed £200bn down the drain to 'control our borders'. 6 EU states just did it in 24 hours with a press release

— Howard Goodall (@Howard_Goodall) December 21, 2020

2016: Britain will become an independent country and a major player on the world stage!

2020: Plague Island has been quarantined from the rest of the world and all of our exports are stuck in Kent.

— TechnicallyRon (@TechnicallyRon) December 21, 2020

Solstice always makes me want a choc ice.

— Paul Kerensa (@paulkerensa) December 21, 2020

Found myself thinking about the drivers of those trucks stuck in the 20 mile queue to Dover. They all have families and homes to go to and whatever Christmas they’re allowed. Is there a plan in place for turning them back around? Or are they stuck there until the border opens?

— Emma Kennedy (@EmmaKennedy) December 21, 2020

Always thought this would be a good last song to play on Radio 1. Take care x pic.twitter.com/NHvp2MX3Wr

— Huw Stephens (@huwstephens) December 21, 2020

I can remember when travelling the length of the country with Covid symptoms was just what any good father would do https://t.co/AfN5pV1mJn

— Michael Deacon (@MichaelPDeacon) December 20, 2020

Apologies for this dear viewers – I was at the end of a long shift after a 5am start when the director cut to me by mistake. The perils of live TV! https://t.co/hBp36V7JIQ

— Ben Brown (@BenBrownBBC) December 20, 2020

Today I am announcing Tier 5, where if you even look outside we will launch you into the moon pic.twitter.com/vK3M4BDDGS

— TechnicallyRon (@TechnicallyRon) December 21, 2020

Having a little break from crippling anxiety to focus on uncontrollable rage today. Mixing it up a bit. Keeping it fresh for myself. 😉

— alistair green (@mralistairgreen) December 21, 2020

Journalist: Why do you keep over promising and under delivering?
Boris Johnson: We can look forward to a very different world from Easter onwards.

— Stephen Mangan (@StephenMangan) December 21, 2020

Uk update: we spent four years attempting to get a blue passport we now can’t use because we’re infested with disease

— James Felton (@JimMFelton) December 21, 2020

Today is the *shortest* day!
From tomorrow there will be a little more daylight to enjoy – and that continues for the next 6 months!
🙌🏾👍🏾👌🏾
Happy Monday
X

— Naga Munchetty (@TVNaga01) December 21, 2020

Netflix really does kill the mood when they minimize the credits after a movie. Never mind the disrespect to the crew.

— Kevin McHale (@druidDUDE) December 21, 2020

My aunt just got given these in her local pharmacy and honestly this is yet another reason why I need to move to Cork pic.twitter.com/VTtlZtGPH5

— Keira Gilleechi (@gilleechi) December 21, 2020

Sainsbury’s has announced that if the French travel ban is not lifted there may be a shortage of cauliflowers.

This is absolutely the first piece of good news I’ve heard in weeks.

— Andrew Graystone (@AndrewGraystone) December 21, 2020

In case you didn't see our organist's Christmas waistcoat during Romsey Rotary carols tonight! https://t.co/DP6UZMu6bJ

— Romsey Abbey (@romseyabbey) December 21, 2020

If you heard loud laughter this morning it’s likely your neighbour was listening to the Home Secretary being interviewed on the Today programme… https://t.co/w8H7kMMAZ4

— Larry the Cat (@Number10cat) December 22, 2020

I enjoy a bit of Micheal Bublé as much as the next psychopath, but if my kids play his version of White Christmas one… more… time… I may be forced to tell them their presents have been stranded in mainland Europe.

— Martin Saunders 🤦🏻‍♂️ (@martinsaunders) December 22, 2020

Early reminder to be *mindful* of what you share on Twitter and Instagram on Christmas Day, because an awful lot of people aren’t going to have the day they had planned with the people they want to spend it with.

— Scott Bryan (@scottygb) December 22, 2020

Who knew that the legend that is Chris Whitty started out as the milkman in The Tiger Who Came To Tea?? pic.twitter.com/DpGI4SDLnv

— Phil Knox (@philknox) December 22, 2020

Gawd. Nothing more insulting than those who tweet about breaking rules to see loved ones because they care. We all bloody care for our loved ones. Some of us also don't want to risk infecting them with a deadly virus.

— Matt Haig (@matthaig1) December 22, 2020

got in a cab and the driver was called Dermot and I spent the whole journey trying not to say HEY TAXIDERMY

— David O'Doherty (@phlaimeaux) December 22, 2020

'Classic Covid', 'New Covid' and now from South Africa 'I can't believe its Not Covid'

— tom jamieson (@jamiesont) December 23, 2020

So this new mutant Covid strain is so deadly and we need to move so quickly that everyone is allowed to drive round & see relatives all day tomorrow before they go into Tier 4 on Boxing Day

— tom jamieson (@jamiesont) December 23, 2020

yes, i say "series" for British TV and "season" for American. it's called being bilingual!!!!!!

— Alex Naser-Hall (@anaserhall) December 22, 2020

Had this Christmas card from an elderly relative. I respect her honesty. pic.twitter.com/YNFqeEZxPh

— Raymond (@raubrey) December 23, 2020

That is outstanding but my record of 2 goals for 644 clubs still stands https://t.co/5ljV1kPmlX

— Peter Crouch (@petercrouch) December 23, 2020

Sorry but this is just not a very good Big Art Attack pic.twitter.com/1ygjzDjwv4

— sophie (deck the) hall(s) 🎄 (@SophLouiseHall) December 22, 2020

Fantastic festive tale pic.twitter.com/PWik2jubXB

— Dawn Foster (@DawnHFoster) December 23, 2020

Please note: when ordering sprouts from @Tesco online, quantity 1 does not mean 1 bag of sprouts. It means 1 sprout. Thank you and good night pic.twitter.com/gATF5jGRpj

— James Murden (@jamesmurden) December 22, 2020

Politicians caught lying will be required to have their face masks soundproofed to prevent reoffending. @Official_MRLP #manicfesto

— Jim. (@jimporium) December 21, 2020

Sometimes your kid's personalities are powerfully expressed through the state of their Advent Calendars on Christmas Eve. pic.twitter.com/7slhhhT8ZA

— Rachel Gardner (@RachelGardnerRA) December 24, 2020

Love the excitement before Christmas, all the pressies under the tree, not knowing what strain you’re going to get

— James Felton (@JimMFelton) December 23, 2020

Either the bear is very depressed or someone is aiming a sniper rifle at it https://t.co/EbUrKYo3Wx

— CARPET (@WHS_Carpet) December 23, 2020

I like to show off…
(No pigeons were harmed in the making of this video) https://t.co/YqMbV3dnj7

— Larry the Cat (@Number10cat) December 24, 2020

Just checked in on 8 yr old who’s supposed to be tidying his bedroom. He’s reading a book, surrounded by Lego and silently pointed to this stuck on his wall. I give up. pic.twitter.com/PBD1EkSbqW

— Gemma Peters (@gemmapeters) December 23, 2020

MERRY CHRISTMAS! WE SPENT FOUR YEARS ARGUING WITH EACH OTHER BUT WE FINALLY GET A DEAL WORSE THAN THE ONE WE ALREADY HAD. LET'S PARTY.

— TechnicallyRon (@TechnicallyRon) December 24, 2020

To be fair, it’s better than no deal. In the same way that having your face gnawed off by a rat is better than having your face gnawed off by two rats.

— Stephen Mangan (@StephenMangan) December 24, 2020

pic.twitter.com/HP9jVpwVOi

— Pundamentalism (@Pundamentalism) December 24, 2020

The longest oven-ready meal deal of all time.

— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) December 24, 2020

Can we all agree that anyone who chooses Celebrations over Miniature Heroes is a complete fooligan? 😂🙌🏻😂#MerryChristmas#HeroesForTheWin pic.twitter.com/HxmcIQQ9MK

— Dan Walker (@mrdanwalker) December 24, 2020

One day for a 2000 page legal text. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Can’t wait for Iain Duncan Smith to realise what’s in it 8 months from now. https://t.co/yAqhHsd5XT

— Emma Kennedy (@EmmaKennedy) December 24, 2020

FUN FACT.
There’s no deal better than the one we already had.

— David Schneider (@davidschneider) December 24, 2020

Questions of 2020:

“Is this enough loo roll?”
“What’s that graph meant to say?”
“Got your mask?”
“Oh god, what now?!”
“What does 2 metres look like?”
“Are you free for a Zoom call?”
“Fancy another walk?”
“So… what are we allowed to do?”
“Did you understand any of that?”
“Tea?”

— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) December 24, 2020

Before you go to bed don't forget to leave out a glass of milk, some mince pies, a carrot, some anti-bac, a thermometer gun, a QR code so Santa can check in to the Track and Trace app, and a copy of your privacy policy outlining what you'll do with Santa's personal data.

— innocent drinks (@innocent) December 24, 2020

The Gorboy’s big present takes 4 size D batteries. Not AA or AAA like a normal toy.

We had not prepared for this eventuality.

Suddenly remembered that our now defunct automatic cat feeder also took Ds.

It’s a Christmas miracle. Happy Christmas one and all.

— Dave Gorman (@DaveGorman) December 25, 2020

JESUS GOT COVID ON HIS BIRTHDAY?! pic.twitter.com/mll1shQsgk

— Sam Hailes ن (@samhailes) December 25, 2020

Spending Christmas quietly this year, with the DoE and a skeleton staff of 500.

— Elizabeth Windsor (@Queen_UK) December 25, 2020

If you're watching 'Coco' for the first time on BBC1, make sure you're hydrated enough for the end. Pixar want you to sob and sob you will.

— Nick Pettigrew (@Nick_Pettigrew) December 25, 2020

The joke that keeps on giving…
…it might be giving groans and pain but it keeps on giving! pic.twitter.com/o6rrvdorIE

— not the bible (@thenotthebible) December 25, 2020

The ability of the @BBCNews to report the Queen’s speech so extensively, yet without any reference to Jesus or her Christian faith (which the speech was saturated with from beginning to end) is really quite something! https://t.co/65WU2bDmOX

— Michael Ots (@michael_ots) December 25, 2020

So my sister bought her dog a new ball for Christmas 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 pic.twitter.com/8MWoTgtTMU

— Hilbo Flowerpot Baggins (@hilary_l072) December 25, 2020

https://t.co/X3OJdKZgwU pic.twitter.com/l5uONU0UpR

— Viz Comic (@vizcomic) December 26, 2020

The day after Christmas & I bet there's toys your children aren't that bothered about.
Why not take some of those toys & give them to your local women's refuge?
I'm sure there's kids there that will love them.

— joe heenan (@joeheenan) December 26, 2020

This calls for swift and decisive action. I have called a meeting to arrange the rapid deployment of traffic wardens to start giving out parking fines. #Kent pic.twitter.com/yUPVO3coXE

— Parody Boris Johnson (@BorisJohnson_MP) December 22, 2020

Congratulations to Danny Boyle for choreographing such an amazing opening ceremony for the Brexit Festival. Inspirational! pic.twitter.com/O6et6osUTp

— Keith Burge (@carryonkeith) December 21, 2020

I wonder how long Joseph stood in line at the store to exchange the frankincense & myrrh for diapers & a donkey-seat to take Jesus to Egypt.

— Church Dad Jokes (@MrChurchGuy) December 26, 2020