ineke.co.uk

Woolies no contest#WhenWoolworthsDiedSoDidI pic.twitter.com/p4bPVBBqEC

— Jeremy Vine (@theJeremyVine) May 16, 2021

Did you know that it’s actually possible for you to say, “I don’t know enough about this to have an opinion”

— Prof. Feynman (@ProfFeynman) May 16, 2021

Proving yet again that getting your ducks in a row is a challenge #thepennines pic.twitter.com/VLVNaxHWJm

— Jane Furniss (@MaryjaneFurniss) May 16, 2021

The 1st lockdown was late because the PM missed the first 5 cobra meetings. The 2nd lockdown was late because the PM cared more about the economy than lives. The new variant lockdown was late because the PM wanted a brexit deal. If only these things had something in common.

— TechnicallyRon (On all the platforms) (@TechnicallyRon) May 16, 2021

Imagine, you get a taxi across Andover, you’re in a hurry and you remember you left your belongings on the back seat, just as the cab drives off!
Argh. The frustration!
Don’t worry though, we have it at the nick. Just pop in to claim it. Bring ID… and maybe an overnight bag 😉 pic.twitter.com/Z3sEki9sNu

— Andover Police (@AndoverPolice) May 17, 2021

"What kind of weather should we expect today?"
"Yes"

— Dave (@davechannel) May 17, 2021

Hardly seems worth coming out of lockdown now…https://t.co/If4545OT6Z

— Larry the Cat (@Number10cat) May 17, 2021

Stages of owning a toastie maker

1. OMG! Just remembered we have a toastie maker. Why don’t we ever use it?
2. Find toastie maker
3. Make tons of toasties
4. Remember it’s a bugger to clean
5. Get bored of toasties
6. Put it back in cupboard
7. 6 months later, repeat stage 1 etc

— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) May 17, 2021

Any adult that has the correct number of tupperware boxes and lids in a kitchen drawer is too powerful and should never be trusted.

— TechnicallyRon (On all the platforms) (@TechnicallyRon) May 17, 2021

This gif makes all timelines better: pic.twitter.com/maD0IvHg4w

— Larry the Cat (@Number10cat) May 18, 2021

This Indian variant…

Tell you what might have been handy

Having a really focussed approach to those coming in from India

We could have say…tested them

…tracked them

…perhaps traced them

That reminds me

What was it we spend that £37 BILLION on again?

— Marina Purkiss (@MarinaPurkiss) May 17, 2021

Dear Fans,
Rumours about whether I’m engaged or not, or whether my career is “dormant or not” are ways to create clicks each time they are revealed to be true or untrue.

— Emma Watson (@EmmaWatson) May 17, 2021

This nasty, people-shaming headline is a direct consequence of @MattHancock’s nasty, people-shaming rhetoric yesterday – directed against residents of Bolton.

The *govt* allowed the new variant in, refusing for six weeks to close borders with India.https://t.co/TxVMpq1gUo

— Dr Rachel Clarke (@doctor_oxford) May 18, 2021

Bit fucking rich of the Daily Mail to complain about people not getting vaccines after previously scaring the shit out of people about vaccines pic.twitter.com/hqBAai6wkF

— James Felton (@JimMFelton) May 17, 2021

Went out to walk the dog.
I got soaked through ☔️
I also got sunburn 🥵

— Dan Walker (@mrdanwalker) May 17, 2021

Tummy rubs are allowed again! https://t.co/WRBegr99cq

— Larry the Cat (@Number10cat) May 18, 2021

A riposte to everyone who thought they'd never use Pythagoras after school. #SewingBee pic.twitter.com/0K4o4ymJrK

— Sewing Bee (@sewingbee) May 19, 2021

More chaos and confusion from this Government on indoor choir rehearsals. After the go ahead was given on Monday, last minute @DCMS guidance limits them to just 6 people.

Why the late guidance & will they publish the evidence that led to this change? #choirsmatter pic.twitter.com/GusGMBsrMO

— Jo Stevens (@JoStevensLabour) May 20, 2021

Britain’s viewers not being able to vote by text in Eurovision is, I assume, another terrible consequence of Brexit.

— David Baddiel (@Baddiel) May 20, 2021

A blindfolded @mrmikewozniak was never going to end well, was it? #Taskmaster pic.twitter.com/VUUNXfAYbF

— Taskmaster (@taskmaster) May 20, 2021

I've never identified with Jade Thirlwall more than now. https://t.co/CdrM4SjRBg

— Alice Beverton-Palmer (@alicebevpalm) May 21, 2021

TEN GOOD THINGS ABOUT TODAY

1. It's Saturday
2. It's Eurovision
3. It's Saturday
4. It's Eurovision
5. It's Saturday
6. It's Eurovision
7. It's Saturday
8. It's Eurovision
9. It's Saturday
10. It's Eurovision

Did we mention it's Eurovision?#Eurovision

— innocent drinks (@innocent) May 22, 2021