ineke.co.uk

Surviving a global pandemic only to be absolutely fucking annihilated by some pollen pic.twitter.com/T5Im90WITL

— ratgirl (@squirtraline) June 10, 2021

Someone on my timeline has posted a ‘this is how to do CPR’ thing because of today’s football events, and people in the comments are arguing, so Twitter has recovered well from the shock.

— Mark Watson (@watsoncomedian) June 12, 2021

In 1949, Munich Zoo embarked on a rigorous ‘de-nazification’ programme for a parrot who’d started screaming ‘Heil Hitler’ at guests.

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) June 12, 2021

You can just tell the wheely bin is so over all this crap 😂😂😂 https://t.co/X500p6NlAI

— Tom Jamieson (@jamiesont) June 13, 2021

Meerkats are the most murderous animals on earth. pic.twitter.com/GFyVfhJj75

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) June 13, 2021

There’ll be so many drunk bets on England to win it now that by morning you’ll be able to get 50/1 on any other team in the competition.

— Mark Watson (@watsoncomedian) June 13, 2021

Joe Biden was 8 years old when the Queen first met a sitting US President. pic.twitter.com/BGSqldUNMg

— Larry the Cat (@Number10cat) June 13, 2021

We had the most amazing moment recently; a customer came in and, after paying for his own books, bought £100 worth of £10 gift vouchers for us to give to random customers. He didn't give his name and didn't ask for anything in return – it was purely a lovely gift to strangers!!!! pic.twitter.com/c3GDQuQX9N

— Waterstones Yarm (@WaterstonesYarm) June 13, 2021

What a weird experience watching England play football yesterday. In control of the game from the start; good players actually playing well… Tactical nous, a goal, a clean sheet and a win. Bizarre.

Thank goodness for the Test cricket team.

— Martin Saunders (@martinsaunders) June 14, 2021

I get the strong sense that the only people who will actually watch GB News is people on Twitter in order to slag it off.

— David Baddiel (@Baddiel) June 14, 2021

It’s that time of year again when the people who design Father’s Day cards are convinced dads only like football, golf, gardening, racing cars, beer, fishing, ties and farting.

— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) June 14, 2021

When you're on a night out with the lads and one of them brings a christmas tree wrapping machine. pic.twitter.com/vUN34muqmc

— cluedont (@cluedont) June 14, 2021

if you ignore the ball it looks like the goalie is having a lot of fun https://t.co/MEkNHivCZi

— James Felton (@JimMFelton) June 14, 2021

‘By being cautious now…,’ said Boris Johnson, who didn’t close the borders in April

— Toby Earle 🇺🇦 Threads tobyontv (@TobyonTV) June 14, 2021

Qs still around why the govt delayed putting India on the red list. Whitty says we'd be storming ahead and lifting restrictions on time if it was not for the Delta variant

— Beth Rigby (@BethRigby) June 14, 2021

Here's an idea.
Have a week of taking the piss out of GB News & then stop.
Pretend it doesn't exist.
Don't tweet about it, don't quote tweet anything, just let it fade away.
The last thing they want is only right wingers talking about it.
They need controversy to survive.

— joe heenan (@joeheenan) June 14, 2021

If an election in New Mexico is tied, the two candidates play a single hand of poker as a tiebreaker.

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) June 15, 2021

I’m due to take the Caledonian Sleeper to Inverness on the 19th July so the onboard bar is going to be one hell of a vibe.

— Scott Bryan (@scottygb) June 14, 2021

So much of the Christian fretting over the culture wars comes from a failure to accept our reality as exiles.

— Joe Henegan (@Joe_Henegan) June 15, 2021

Here's the new Australian free trade deal in context… pic.twitter.com/TL7W2LdkmA

— Edwin Hayward (@edwinhayward) June 15, 2021

To err is human. To er, um, erm, ah, hmmm, er is Boris Johnson. #LockdownExtension pic.twitter.com/Lk8FWBNnzR

— The Poke (@ThePoke) June 15, 2021

Dancing indoors wasn’t allowed under COVID rules when I got married in September 2020. So we played a game of rounders instead, and I scored a home run in my 24KG Pakistani wedding dress ⬇️✊🏽… Time to #innovate #weddings pic.twitter.com/uPVqWqOovw

— Sabah Choudhry (@sabahchoudhry) June 15, 2021

Bought a triple cat bowl holder so when they're eating the mogs can line up perfe ,,,

Oh never mind. pic.twitter.com/S27b5L83Ut

— John O'Connell (@jdpoc) June 15, 2021

It’s the new ‘Are you well?…I thought you were…’ https://t.co/tutUVoZhBX

— Greg James (@gregjames) June 16, 2021

Dido Harding has applied to be head of the NHS.

A reminder that, if she gets the job, we should complain to the government's anti-corruption tsar who is, of course, her husband. Oh.

— David Schneider (@davidschneider) June 17, 2021

Enid Blyton had some reprehensible views (in common with many people of her time).

Enid Blyton wrote some magnificent stories that helped millions of children discover a lifetime love of reading.

It is, needless to say, perfectly fine to recognise that both statements are true.

— Stig Abell (@StigAbell) June 17, 2021

Why did i wait to have children before I started buying squash? Squash is amazing! (Now i’ll worry I’ll die this evening and this will be the tweet i’ll leave on)

— Shaparak Khorsandi شاپرک خرسندی (@ShappiKhorsandi) June 17, 2021

For all the "I'm living my best life" lads.

The bar has been raised by this fella pic.twitter.com/AjdhwpVkfs

— Jim Burke (@Barcajim3) June 17, 2021

I think a Scottish member of staff was given the task of Euro-ing up the Asda in Bournemouth pic.twitter.com/FtBntlHGuu

— Dave Gorman (@DaveGorman) June 18, 2021

John Motson voice platform announcements at Wembley Park station are brilliant! "Great Display of waiting from both sides of the platform here!" @TfL

— Yasser Hussain (@yasserthoughts) June 15, 2021

Dear rest of the world – England and Scotland are busy for the next couple of hours and at least one of us is likely to be in a bit of a mood afterwards… #ENGSCO

— Larry the Cat (@Number10cat) June 18, 2021

Just a note on ‘it’s coming home’ it’s not arrogant. No English person believes it. It’s just all we’ve got. That song and losing at penalties.

— Rob Beckett (@robbeckettcomic) June 18, 2021

Two games, four points. A week ago we would have taken that! Trust the process. #ComeOnEngland

— Martin Saunders (@martinsaunders) June 18, 2021

Is there a German word for being in the crowd and noticing the camera is on you just as it cuts away?

— Richard K Herring (@Herring1967) June 18, 2021

Lord sugar as guest is so perfect because #GBNews looks exactly like a news channel made as a challenge by candidates

— Jake Yapp (@jakeyapp) June 13, 2021

BeeGee News would be amazing.

— Hugo Rifkind (@hugorifkind) June 13, 2021

Canada take the lead against Haiti… unconventional 🥴pic.twitter.com/TDsSvC6Mxj

— Dan Walker (@mrdanwalker) June 16, 2021

Alan Sugar, spends his segment slagging off Dan Wooton's "stupid" questions and telling Wooton (of his former employer) that the only thing you can believe in The Sun is "the date and price on the front page."

Don't think he'll be booked again. pic.twitter.com/pIusS0mAXD

— Adam Bienkov (@AdamBienkov) June 13, 2021