ineke.co.uk

This is Luna. In her defense, that is her bed. 14/10 she did nothing wrong pic.twitter.com/09C4znnauJ

— WeRateDogs® (@dog_rates) October 23, 2021

Asking people to wear masks in crowded or busy indoor settings and on public transport won’t harm Business. Refusing to issue mask mandates will, eventually. Not only has the Government mismanaged the epidemic, but it’s being driven by economic incompetence.

— Armando Iannucci (@Aiannucci) October 24, 2021

Motsi having to vote against Oti is like the Miliband brothers all over again #StrictlyComeDancing

— Richard Osman (@richardosman) October 24, 2021

A reminder of the word ‘forswunk’ (13th century): exhausted from too much work. To be ‘foreswunk’ is to be exhausted before you even begin.

— Susie Dent 💙 (@susie_dent) October 25, 2021

I'm sick and tired of being the only person who cooks, cleans, and pays all the damn bills in this house.

I live alone, but still.

— AJ — Agent Sodino Kibi (@Agent_Kibi) October 24, 2021

If my brexity neighbour spots me out the front of the house when I'm returning from a bike ride he always asks how far I've gone, I always answer in km because it winds him up

— Fesshole 🧻 (@fesshole) October 23, 2021

Ben Shepherd’s face is perfect. Remarkable daytime quizzing, this 🤣🤣 pic.twitter.com/0Lreh0JCX2

— Graeme Douglas (@graemedouglas) October 25, 2021

Correct me if I’m wrong.
The reason the water companies are putting sewage into our rivers and the sea is because they can’t treat it. They can’t treat it because they can’t get the chemicals.
They can’t get the chemicals because of Brexit.
The government made the Brexit deal.

— Penny Ware 🇪🇺🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿🌈 #FBPE (@PennyWare18) October 24, 2021

Before Covid:

People dying in A&E corridors
17000 beds cut
106,000 staff short
43000 nurses short
11000 doctors short
EU staff driven away
Record waiting times
Social care in crisis
GP system broken

But remember it’s Covid that’s to blame for the NHS breaking, not the Tories.

— David Schneider (@davidschneider) October 25, 2021

Lost my wallet last week and someone has found it and sent it to me using the address on my driving licence. Haven’t had the best luck with unwittingly revealing my whereabouts this year but that’s really made my day. Thank you kind stranger who knows where I live

— Ivo Graham (@IvoGraham) October 25, 2021

Controversial i know, especially given my history of defecating in public, but I’m not an enormous fan of pumping raw sewage into our seas and rivers.

— Gary Lineker 💙 (@GaryLineker) October 25, 2021

Saw this slight upgrade earlier pic.twitter.com/d5qC2A1PNg

— Jack Emsley (@Jack_Emsley1) October 25, 2021

Liverpool thrash Man United 5-0 at Old Trafford, sparking furious clashes between rival fans in wine bars across London.

— Have I Got News For You (@haveigotnews) October 25, 2021

Journalists, what's the most eccentric thing an interviewee has ever done mid-interview?

Example: I once interviewed John Cleese whilst he lay on the floor and pretended to swim backstroke

— Ali Plumb (@AliPlumb) October 25, 2021

Don't forget your table headers for the 'Buy One Get One Half Price' sections. My favourites (incisive as ever) have to be these: pic.twitter.com/TQvQmR0myC

— Celia Reynolds (@CeliaRWriter) October 25, 2021

Why on earth do supermarkets only remind you AT THE TILL about the need for food bank contributions? If they had little reminders on the shelves for pasta, tuna, tinned tomatoes, rice, etc I would donate far more than I do.

— Prue Leith (@PrueLeith) October 25, 2021

I always forget and feel bad about not starting again. And how about an “add to basket for the foodbank” on on-line ordering?
Maybe if we all tweet about it, they might think about it? #foodbanks @TrussellTrust @FareShareUK @Tesco @Morrisons @sainsburys @coopuk @waitrose

— Prue Leith (@PrueLeith) October 25, 2021

Conclusive evidence America is WRONG https://t.co/7YOIKWm47V

— Sam Hailes ن (@samhailes) October 26, 2021

Next week our government is in charge of one final effort to save the planet and our environment.

In unrelated news: https://t.co/3ENneRFTao

— David Schneider (@davidschneider) October 26, 2021

“Lightyear” doesn’t follow Tim Allen’s famous action figure character. The 2022 film introduces the “real-life” human astronaut whose adventures inspired the toy line seen in the “Toy Story” franchise. https://t.co/aJ9hszggOA pic.twitter.com/yRNJAVncsC

— Variety (@Variety) October 27, 2021

people losing their minds over the new Lightyear movie trailer… tim allen is the voice of the TOY, not the "real" person the toy was based off of. excuse the pun, but this isn't rocket science to understand. but sure, feel victimized. pic.twitter.com/1ZQsK4hcJL

— Laura #wearamask #socialdistance #getyourvaccine (@whatuphohm) October 27, 2021

The Chancellor mentioned the word "wine" twice as many times as he did either "education" or "children".

Priorities? 🤔

— Munira Wilson MP (@munirawilson) October 27, 2021

Reminder for media:

It's not Boris, it's Boris Johnson

Not NHS Test & Trace, it's an outsourced Test & Trace

Not “a budget for a new green economy”, it’s one that boosts travel by plane and road.

Not a “budget to tackle the cost of living”; the poorest still get shafted.

— David Schneider (@davidschneider) October 27, 2021

Yes, you heard that right – @RishiSunak is making flights cheaper. Good thing there’s no #ClimateEmergency

— Caroline Lucas (@CarolineLucas) October 27, 2021

Looks who's just showed up @Number10cat pic.twitter.com/lSo5n73Sud

— Justin Ng (@justin_ng) October 26, 2021

Yes, I carry the Radio 1 backing board to every 'Movies That Made Me' interview these days

No, I can't find a bag big enough to cover it

Yes, it makes me look like a massive prat pic.twitter.com/zDuxORGMwt

— Ali Plumb (@AliPlumb) October 27, 2021

And there it is. https://t.co/FMYhFBXX7v

— Emma Kennedy💙 (@EmmaKennedy) October 28, 2021

the Oscars should show a clip of an actor in their movie AND THEN another clip of what the actor's like in real life so we can see just how much they acted

— Karen Chee (@karencheee) October 27, 2021

Alan, please forgive me. I had no idea that by choosing to follow me, you get to decide what I can and cannot tweet about. https://t.co/9NfuOF2MQ3

— Gary Lineker 💙 (@GaryLineker) October 27, 2021

😱😱😱 https://t.co/i9I65uP6s7 pic.twitter.com/FqjC62U6lt

— Olaf Falafel (@OFalafel) October 28, 2021

This is Sadie and Niki. They have to be touching at all times. Doesn't matter how. 14/10 for both pic.twitter.com/7HWvwUs51C

— WeRateDogs® (@dog_rates) October 28, 2021

I neither love, like, feel sad or angry or care about Facebook's rebranding.

— Paul Sinha (@paulsinha) October 28, 2021

BIG NEWS lol jk still Twitter

— Twitter (@Twitter) October 28, 2021

Glory to the Father and to the Son
and to the Holy Spirit; as it was in the beginning is now and shall be for ever. Amen.

— Archbishop of Canterbury (@JustinWelby) October 28, 2021

Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the woods… pic.twitter.com/HLvPZ0dbrw

— Dick King-Smith HQ (@DickKingSmith) October 29, 2021

pic.twitter.com/cNu4CE3SOr

— WholesomeMemes (@WholesomeMeme) October 28, 2021

I love irregular texters cause there's a mutual understanding between us that its okay to text back 5 days later with no bad vibes.

— ‘ (@nursechocs) October 27, 2021

Short answer: No
Long answer: Noooooooooooooo https://t.co/UT8Iblwiwn

— Larry the Cat (@Number10cat) October 29, 2021

In Hebrew, *Meta* means *Dead*
The Jewish community will ridicule this name for years to come.

— Nirit Weiss-Blatt, PhD (@DrTechlash) October 28, 2021

2019: “We categorically promise that we will have the same or higher environmental standards than the EU.”
2021: “Do not swim at any of these beaches due to the raw sewage we've dumped.” pic.twitter.com/B7y0PUjq3D

— Alan Ferrier (@alanferrier) October 24, 2021

You do know that dumping raw sewage into waterways was illegal under EU law?

Well, now it isn’t and the Tory government has welcomed the practice.

— MimiJ (@MimiJ9) October 24, 2021

Perfect opportunity for Paul Chuckle to launch his own platform and call it 'Yuta'. https://t.co/g5viFSkkcC

— cluedont (@cluedont) October 28, 2021

And this govt want to pretend it’s not happening.

Dear Opposition Parties, it’s FINE to start saying Brexit isn’t working. https://t.co/dr4QJu5gPP

— Emma Kennedy💙 (@EmmaKennedy) October 29, 2021

There’s a crappy looking guest house in Glasgow which I always laugh at because in big letters on a board outside it advertises a “COLOUR T.V.” as a perk of the room. It’s currently £650 a night for #COP26

— Jude MacLaverty (@Jude_Maclaverty) October 28, 2021

When Rylan says he has a message for Sara and Aljaž… is this a trick or treat? 🤔#ItTakesTwo @SaraDaviesCC @AljazSkorjanec @Rylan @ShaniaTwain pic.twitter.com/dmIysZwFH0

— BBC Strictly ✨ (@bbcstrictly) October 29, 2021

i’m crying ??? pic.twitter.com/EwN3MQRxfd

— ً (@purplesburner) October 28, 2021

The Queen has been ordered to rest for at least two more weeks, undertaking only light duties including virtual audiences. She will miss the Festival of Remembrance at the Royal Albert Hall but still intends to go to Remembrance Sunday at the Cenotaph, Buckingham Palace says.

— Richard Palmer (@RoyalReporter) October 29, 2021

Went to meet my daughter at opticians. Arrived at Specsavers, was told she was at the back being tested. Shown into darkened room. Realise IT'S NOT MY DAUGHTER.
Message later from her: “I was at Vision Express you melon.”

*Insert Specsavers joke here*

— Jeremy Vine (@theJeremyVine) October 30, 2021

I hate to break it to you, but there’s no magic concrete tree, Mike.

pic.twitter.com/xwXZNCCy1B

— Dr Mike Galsworthy (@mikegalsworthy) October 26, 2021

Mike “I’m not an idiot” Graham now trying to explain that concrete grows.

You have a watch of this, while I go grow a cup of tea…pic.twitter.com/vzl3SlrNsY

— Dr Mike Galsworthy (@mikegalsworthy) October 27, 2021

If I was dancing a couples choice to reflect my life, I'd be lying on a couch and my props would be a remote control and a bag of sweets

— Mariaaaaaaarrrgghh SKreyems 🎃💀🪦👻🧡 (@MarianKeyes) October 30, 2021