Unvaccinated people are taking beds from other sick people, some of whom become sicker as a result. Not being vaccinated during a pandemic is an act of selfishness hiding behind the facade of individual liberty.
— Stig Abell (@StigAbell) December 5, 2021
To get into the Christmas mood, here's a short montage of every BBC One Christmas ident from 1974 to the present day.đđ pic.twitter.com/rZkJFNaVqS
— Lewis (@lewispringle) December 4, 2021
âOoooh itâs bowl season! đ„°â – crisps
— Rhys James (@rhysjamesy) December 4, 2021
Pretty damn glad now that murder spree I went on was in 2019 https://t.co/N1hC8EeoNO
— tom jamieson (@jamiesont) December 5, 2021
Given that apparently the Met police âdonât pursue crimes retrospectivelyâ, next time a copper pulls you over and says you were speeding just say âYeah, but Iâm not any more, am I?â
— Mitch Benn hates to say he told you so đŹđ§đȘđș (@MitchBenn) December 5, 2021
Have you been robbed next week? Call the police. pic.twitter.com/V4sDcC9mJ1
— Pete đ€Ź (@Sarf_London) December 5, 2021
Schrodingerâs Christmas party: an event which simultaneously took place in accordance with the rules and also didnât take place as prescribed by the rules
— Andrew Hunter Murray (@andrewhunterm) December 7, 2021
I thought buying a flat would be a bit like playing Sims for real, but so far I've just spent a lot of hours on the phone to energy companies. I haven't drowned any of my neighbours in my swimming pool yet.
— Rosie Jones (@josierones) December 5, 2021
Packing is going well. pic.twitter.com/XhSc3mZLJd
— Alice (@armille_) December 5, 2021
I'm getting a little tired of the student pastor abbreviating his title as "Stud Pastor."
— Bad Church Secertary (@ChruchSecretary) December 5, 2021
I don't know who needs to hear this but Polio and smallpox never reached natural herd immunity. They were eradicated by vaccines.
— mohamad safa (@mhdksafa) December 5, 2021
Thank you for submitting your audition for the next series of #LineofDuty but weâre looking for a character with at least one redeeming moral principle and a performance that places even just a scintilla of doubt in the audienceâs mind that he might not be totally bent pic.twitter.com/3jnJL74c5f
— Jed Mercurio (@jed_mercurio) December 6, 2021
When our Christmas services are overflowing with 20s and 30s I will believe this polling. But on the ground right now, Iâm not seeing what the very optimistic polling numbers like this suggestâŠ
— Sam Hailes Ù (@samhailes) December 6, 2021
To those of you complaining that last nightâs caption âEnglish monarchsâ shouldâve been âBritish monarchsâ: aha no! I had already identified the first clue as Edward viii. Thatâs an English numbering system. Would the Scots acknowledge Edward I as king? I THINK THEY WOULD NOT!
— Victoria Coren Mitchell (@VictoriaCoren) December 7, 2021
In Britain, this is actually a sentence that makes sense:
— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) December 6, 2021
âExcuse me, sorry, do you mind if I just⊠thanksâ
A Christmas movie needs to have 3 things to be a Christmas movie…
— MRJOSHYBAWS (@MRJOSHYBAWS) December 7, 2021
1. A Christmas tree needs to be seen at some point
2. A Christmas song needs to be heard at any point (Christmas themed OST counts too)
3. Needs to be set mostly during the Christmas season
Just had a ham sandwich, a bag of Quavers, a Penguin bar and a drink of squash for my lunch. Now I feel like I need to wait for the dinner lady to check Iâve eaten it all so sheâll let me go out to the playground to play French Skipping.
— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) December 7, 2021
Love it when A-listers come into work pic.twitter.com/rh05ihg3XC
— Emily Brown (@emilyvbrown) December 6, 2021
Prince Harry says if youâre unhappy at work quit your job as it will be liberating. Helps if you have a ÂŁ20m @netflix contract and live in a ÂŁ15m mansion
— Andrew Pierce (@toryboypierce) December 7, 2021
Dammit, IMDB is down. How am I supposed to figure out what else I've seen this random guy in now?
— PeytonsHead (@BigHeadBS) December 7, 2021
The government line: https://t.co/Mqd3gaHL7m pic.twitter.com/yk43TSNTSq
— Larry the Cat (@Number10cat) December 7, 2021
The video of Allegra Stratton reveals (at least) four things:
— Keith Burge (@carryonkeith) December 7, 2021
– the party took place
– they knew it was illegal
– they were worried it might come to light
– they wanted to come up with âa lineâ to defend it. Otherwise known as lying.
BBC Four is showing When Harry Met Sally on New Year's Eve at just the right time for midnight to ring out at the same time it does in the film, amazing work pic.twitter.com/SZAeCY8LC2
— Eddie Robson (@EddieRobson) December 7, 2021
Wearing a mask = loving your neighbour.
— Martin Saunders đ€Šđ»ââïž (@martinsaunders) December 8, 2021
Christians, especially those currently losing their mind over restrictions: please don't lose sight of Jesus. He didn't call us to fight for our rights. He calls us only to love. It is honestly that simple.
BREAKING: Number 10 says the Christmas party was vital so they could test their eyesight.
— Dave (@davechannel) December 8, 2021
No 10 finally following Covid guidelines after ordering all ministers to self-isolate from the press.
— Have I Got News For You (@haveigotnews) December 8, 2021
Boris Johnson, or one of his shower of shit mates, could stamp on a puppy on live TV and I donât know whatâs worse, that heâd deny doing it, that no action would be taken for it, or that there would still be people who would try and justify the puppy stamping.
— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) December 8, 2021
So the same government, that pissed away a sense of national unity on the first lockdown just to protect Dominic Cummings, is now pissing away any chance of a serious response to this Covid wave because of a Xmas party. Jesus wept.
— Dara Ă Briain (@daraobriain) December 8, 2021
Thereâs the office decorations done. pic.twitter.com/eEuf7jJg8d
— Rob Ritchie (@Robritchie409) December 7, 2021
SooooâŠ. The sackable offence wasnât holding a Xmas party, but joking about the Xmas party?
— Dara Ă Briain (@daraobriain) December 8, 2021
Evergreen tweet. https://t.co/G4uAHYZmCD
— Martin Saunders đ€Šđ»ââïž (@martinsaunders) December 8, 2021
Basically every time Boris Johnson has done something terrible he announces the birth of a child to try and divert attention from the latest hideous thing heâs done. No wonder heâs got so many kids.
— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) December 9, 2021
Congratulations to the Prime Minister for increasing his number of children from x to x+1. https://t.co/ugmh9Ewd28
— James Harkin (@JamesHarkin) December 9, 2021
Carrie has many fine qualities, but her ability to pop out a baby on demand during a scandal is the thing I find most attractive.
— Parody Boris Johnson (@BorisJohnson_MP) December 9, 2021
This year's office Christmas parties will be epic! pic.twitter.com/BlfvPtJTRl
— Jason Elkin (@jasonelkin86) December 9, 2021
As a Christian
— Dai Hankey (@daihankey) December 9, 2021
I must pray for politicians
+ all who occupy leadership positions
But that doesn't mean I support the system
So often my prayers are divine opposition
On my knees I plead for integrity
With clenched fists I resist hypocrisy
Jesus, help our leaders lead us better!
Good evening, Prime Minister! đđ€@antanddec #ImACeleb pic.twitter.com/cekIFiwx8N
— I'm A Celebrity… (@imacelebrity) December 7, 2021
Honesty is always the best policy đ @antanddec #ImACeleb pic.twitter.com/ND19zji95O
— I'm A Celebrity… (@imacelebrity) December 8, 2021
ineke.co.uk 
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