Boris Johnson at 3.45pm:
— Matt Forde (@mattforde) January 31, 2022
Iâll be more responsible from now on
Boris Johnson 5 minutes later:
Hereâs a Jimmy Savile gag
If you were a fan of âYou must wait for the Sue Gray reportâ youâll be delighted to hear there is now a sequel ⌠âYou must wait for the Police investigation to concludeâ.
— Kate McCann (@KateEMcCann) January 31, 2022
— Mark Gatiss đ (@Markgatiss) February 2, 2022
Movie news: Filming starts today on âEighteen Parties, One Wedding, and One Hundred and Fifty Seven Thousand Funeralsâ pic.twitter.com/vqKUqDkgYb
— Peter Kay (@theonlypeterkay) February 2, 2022
Iâve been thinking a lot about the 2011 london riot; how a student was jailed for stealing water. Yet, we have a PM who has broken lockdown rules & millions of covid funds unaccounted for and there wonât be any repercussions. Covid has been a lesson in classism in many many ways.
— Dr Annabel (@SoSowemimo) February 1, 2022
âNadine, Nadine, Nadine, Nadine,
— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) February 2, 2022
I'm begging of you please don't take my man.â pic.twitter.com/jOqqPUSTjD
Boris Johnsonâs hair is gonna resign next.
— Rob Beckett (@robbeckettcomic) February 3, 2022
In order to avoid paying for meals, Salvador DalĂ would doodle on the back of his cheques, knowing they would then never be cashed.
— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) February 1, 2022
âWhen people show you who they are, believe them the first time.â
— Nooruddean (@BeardedGenius) January 29, 2022
~Maya Angelou https://t.co/TwOfVRWiRn
The UK now has more jobs available than before the pandemic. And most of them are in 10 Downing Street.
— Parody Boris Johnson (@BorisJohnson_MP) February 3, 2022
Four advisers leaving Downing Street together; this is going to be an EPIC leaving party. Might need a second suitcase.
— Larry the Cat (@Number10cat) February 3, 2022
Giving people ÂŁ200 because they can't afford to pay ÂŁ800 then asking for your ÂŁ200 back isn't help
— John Lewis (@JohnLewisEU) February 3, 2022
Interestingly, Boris Johnson will be the third Prime Minister in a row brought down by Boris Johnson.
— Alex Andreou (@sturdyAlex) February 4, 2022
The best thing about February is Pancake Day and this year itâs in March.
— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) February 4, 2022
Please, please, @RealMattLucas, can I be the one who comes and distract you while youâre baking? #vengeance đ https://t.co/HJcTsmupbH
— Giuseppe DellâAnno (@giuseppecooks) February 4, 2022
Just when you think thereâs no more idiocy to be uncovered he surprises you. HE HAD A PHOTOGRAPHER TAKING PICTURES THE WHOLE TIME. https://t.co/MvsoWFcqag
— Stephen Mangan (@StephenMangan) February 4, 2022
Obviously I know the Wordle program generates its words by magic but I enjoy inagining itâs just that one guy who has to do it every night, like me with Taskmaster texts. Panicking at 11.55pm. âShit, shit, um, ok DUCKS.â
— Mark Watson (@watsoncomedian) February 5, 2022
My main problem with Nadine Dorries, apart from her clearly not being remotely good enough to be in any govt cabinet, is that she always reacts as if the executive should never be challenged. If you are in power, you are held to account. She doesnât understand that.
— Emma Kennedyđ (@EmmaKennedy) February 5, 2022
husband: you should hang out with my friendâs wife, sheâs an introvert like you
— meghan (@deloisivete) January 16, 2022
me: thatâsâŚthatâs not how it works
ineke.co.uk 
Anything to add...?