ineke.co.uk

Woman orders cheese and biscuits at hotel – and gets this instead http://t.co/PaXFAsSdZe pic.twitter.com/YdVZqDOnr9

— The Telegraph (@Telegraph) March 2, 2015

– "I love Beyoncé…

– Whatever floats your boat mate.

– No, you're thinking of 'buoyancy'.

– …"

— Jeffw (@Jeffwni) January 3, 2014

Is it so hard 2 see black & blue? 1 in 6 women are victims.#StopAbuseAgainstWomen#blackandblue #whiteandgold pic.twitter.com/HoYNXBQRIE

— TheSalvationArmySA (@SASalvationArmy) March 6, 2015

The BBC give us a choice of commentary between two Blue Peter presenters … or Robbie Savage. Blue Peter it is then! #bbcfacup

— Martin Baker (@ytfcbadger) February 15, 2015

#recap This doormat will judge you.http://t.co/yANTKXpFsl pic.twitter.com/SCCXh8oT5H

— The Poke (@ThePoke) February 15, 2015

Our theory on the EastEnders whodunnit… http://t.co/7aUw3BqAFE #EELive pic.twitter.com/YhthCrGPjk

— Amazon.co.uk (@AmazonUK) February 17, 2015

“Aisle be there for you.” – the Friends cast are always helpful when you get lost in the supermarket.

— Tesco (@Tesco) February 17, 2015

Let's be honest: Australia only got allowed to enter #eurovision because most of the world confuses Austria with Australia.

— Kazonaki (@kazonis) February 11, 2015

What a way to make a living. pic.twitter.com/iT1BPXjYgp

— T'Other Simon off of Plastic Jeezus (@TOther_Simon) February 17, 2015

"I might join you in a bit"
<turns phone to silent and puts on pyjamas>

— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) February 20, 2015

9 years ago I asked the girl of my dreams out on a date, today I asked her to marry me. She said no both times.

— Peter Smithson (@P_Smithson) February 14, 2015

Tony Hart was my favourite celebrity to be named after three body parts.

— Sam (@sam_bambs) February 16, 2015

🎶we are staying up, we are staying up🎶 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 #WeMarchOn

— Matt Le Tissier (@mattletiss7) January 17, 2015

Dear The Sun – For every woman in a bikini, give the same amount of space to a female sportsperson inside the back cover #page3

— The Last Leg (@TheLastLeg) January 23, 2015

Could snooker be included at the 2020 @Olympics in Tokyo? Full story: http://t.co/mGIhWhFpfl pic.twitter.com/kTgIheJMve

— BBC Sport (@BBCSport) January 22, 2015

Challenge accepted. I'll dodge the space hoppers and see you on the sofa then@alex_brooker@joshwiddicombe@adamhillscomedy@TheLastLeg

— Nick Clegg (@nickclegg) January 16, 2015

“Leicester City, 80 years ago – that was the last match I went to” #SirDavidAttenborough reassures @GaryLineker that he’s a #football fan.

— Graham Norton Show (@TheGNShow) January 23, 2015

Is that a British player in Chelsea's defence?

— Joe Henegan (@Joe_Henegan) January 24, 2015