ineke.co.uk

How to make the most of Bank Holiday Monday:
1. Find comfiest furniture
2. Lie on it
3. Wait until Tuesday.

— innocent drinks (@innocent) May 2, 2016

Saying "look I don't mind what we do" in increasing levels of frustration until the weekend's over

— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) April 30, 2016

We should all be able to select our own Bank Holidays. What's the point of being off work if everyone else is too?

— Richard Osman (@richardosman) May 2, 2016

Knocking on the door of an introvert is like tapping on the glass of a fish tank https://t.co/KviHkU6BZj

— Shower Thoughts (@shwr_thoughts) May 1, 2016

Wise advice from the biggest bird himself! #MondayMotivation pic.twitter.com/H1tSBycY8R

— Sesame Street (@sesamestreet) May 2, 2016

This zoo will name a cockroach after your ex https://t.co/VRhVVjYuoj pic.twitter.com/KvMeHWeRIV

— indy100 (@indy100) May 2, 2016

Leicester City. Champions of England. pic.twitter.com/WRwfysTn2N

— Leicester City (@LCFC) May 2, 2016

Labour's problem with antisemitism holding you back from voting for them? This handy guide might help. pic.twitter.com/WsAv3ulqwY

— David Schneider (@davidschneider) May 4, 2016

Hats off to the Guardian Cryptic Crossword setter for using both 'Amazeballs' (11a) and 'Fnaar Fnaar' (22a) in today's puzzle.

— Dave Gorman (@DaveGorman) May 5, 2016

A sunny UK south coast today – where I grew up (not that I really ever grew up!) pic.twitter.com/lNF9tez3Rn

— Tim Peake (@astro_timpeake) May 5, 2016

Is this the worst newspaper poll ever published?https://t.co/oEWYd8okxS pic.twitter.com/8Q0uA9pOAN

— The Poke (@ThePoke) May 5, 2016

Bored businessman makes ridiculous requests to hotel staff to pass the timehttps://t.co/Mn9ZIgPuBY pic.twitter.com/o2TKq8rSwG

— The Poke (@ThePoke) May 5, 2016

You want kids to do well at school? Make them love learning. For its own sake. Stress kills natural curiosity, I reckon.

— Matt Haig (@matthaig1) May 4, 2016

And so it turns out that Nellie the Elephant was an apocalyptic prophecy:

"Off she went with a Trumpetty-trump. Trump. Trump. Trump."

— Martin Saunders ن (@martinsaunders) May 4, 2016

May 4th. Cold last week, but warm today. The brave venture out without a coat, others panic and leave the house in all the clothes they own.

— innocent drinks (@innocent) May 4, 2016

Here's some perspective – look how much the Leicester squad cost!

https://t.co/StZS0LKULJ #LCFCChampions#LCFC pic.twitter.com/ZQLzp48Ilj

— BBC Sport (@BBCSport) May 3, 2016

American TV think Tottenham won the league 😂 pic.twitter.com/WWcPZElhoG

— 90thMin (@90thMin) May 3, 2016

Hello @theJeremyVine Looks like the whole country has voted Lib-Dem! pic.twitter.com/PZdlhBHhYX

— Mr Benn (@therealmrbenn) May 5, 2016

KFC is making nail polish that tastes like chicken https://t.co/qAkvkUh86d

— The Independent (@Independent) May 5, 2016

If Sadiq Khan wins London, I will run naked down Regent Street with a sausage up my bum in protest #LondonMayor2016

— Katie Hopkins (@KTHopkins) May 4, 2016

It's Saturday. It's warm. Its going to be even warmer tomorrow. It's probably the happiest the nation has ever been.

— innocent drinks (@innocent) May 7, 2016

Also anxiety makes you a better writer. It can't not. You are tuned into EVERYTHING.

— Matt Haig (@matthaig1) May 7, 2016