What did the FTSE sound like in 2016?
A @realDonaldTrump Jeremy Kyle lie detector special would be something else though…
— Chris Stark (@Chris_Stark) January 11, 2017
'Hacking's bad, but look at what we learned from that hacking…' No. Valuing information from a hack is like spending money from a robbery.
— Matt Haig (@matthaig1) January 11, 2017
Not even close. pic.twitter.com/xW3rYoznfn
— The Darwin Awards (@AwardsDarwin) January 11, 2017
“It’s like having 10,000 spoons, when all you need is a knife”
“SELL SOME OF YOUR SPOONS ALANIS. BUY A KNIFE. THIS IS RIDICULOUS”— Dave (@Join_Dave) January 10, 2017
As a New Year's resolution, I'm only drinking 3.14 cups of coffee a day, so I can claim I've "started doing pi lattes".
— James Martin (@Pundamentalism) January 10, 2017
A type of Japanese snail (Karaftohelix gainesi) uses its shell to bludgeon threats. (Video from SciNews.) pic.twitter.com/7wuzkAnT8Y
— The QI Elves (@qikipedia) January 9, 2017
Inventor of Fitbit falls off Machu Pichu, but does hit ten thousand steps on the way down
— Milton Jones (@themiltonjones) January 9, 2017
The Persistence of Cookies pic.twitter.com/gMMJmJfbcO
— Sesame Street (@sesamestreet) January 9, 2017
I told the boss I'd be late in because of the #TubeStrike – she pointed out I live here. Damn.
— Larry the Cat (@Number10cat) January 9, 2017
ATTENTION ALL CITIZENS
From 8.23 this morning it is now an offence to wish anyone else a 'Happy New Year. Thank you for your co-operation.— Richard Osman (@richardosman) January 9, 2017
The Londoner, having no idea where he is, asks for directions. "Where do you need to get to?" The passer-by asks. "Southbound – 4 stops"
— innocent drinks (@innocent) January 9, 2017
People who disagree with global warming because, say, it's snowing must really wonder how planes fly if gravity works.
— Matt Haig (@matthaig1) January 8, 2017
"I might have a lie in tomorrow" – Translation: I'm going to be wide awake at the usual time but with my eyes closed
— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) January 8, 2017
We don't deserve this planet. There are (many) days when I think it would be better off without us. <cue climate denier trolls> 9/
— Eric Holthaus (@EricHolthaus) January 6, 2017
Local news…the last two paragraphs are surely journalism at its very best pic.twitter.com/aCz6gYCwuX
— Adam Hart (@AdamHartScience) January 5, 2017
When there's a London Tube Strike tomorrow & you're re-planning your route to work. #TubeStrike pic.twitter.com/f0CK6DeE1e
— GARETH (@GarethFilms) January 8, 2017
The Trumpster quote #1#ANewJeersToast https://t.co/qZQEGU18r6
— Mark Hamill (@HamillHimself) January 8, 2017
[looks out of window for the 50th time]
YEP, STILL SNOWING— innocent drinks (@innocent) January 12, 2017
A frickin' elephanthttps://t.co/EC1la5Q6kw pic.twitter.com/VNXEAVX09b
— The Poke (@ThePoke) January 12, 2017
Fred flintstone been driving about killie pic.twitter.com/PJbkAvV3gN
— Nick (@WheresMaJaiket) January 12, 2017
OMG IT FINALLY HAPPENED! THE QUICK BROWN FOX JUMPS OVER THE LAZY DOG pic.twitter.com/Kv1RPFQMPj
— Sauro (@sauro) January 11, 2017
The Crystal Maze is making a comeback. And @RichardAyoade will be the Maze Master 🔮https://t.co/gpvYn1BJQE
— BBC Newsbeat (@BBCNewsbeat) January 13, 2017
who knew that watching two women fight over the fact they're all wearing white would be so amazing pic.twitter.com/vr0w7RmfET
— G💰 (@oneofthosefaces) January 12, 2017
#FakeTrumpNews @ThePoke pic.twitter.com/AW7xBBK2zF
— King Gruntfuttock (@lemora) January 12, 2017
"Never make fun of people for mispronouncing a word. It means they learned it by reading."
— Morgan Housel (@morganhousel) January 11, 2017
We should remove all warnings and just let nature take its course. pic.twitter.com/688NFyTxOv
— The Darwin Awards (@AwardsDarwin) January 13, 2017
Doesn't Cadbury's understand that we Brits base our current economic situation on a frog? 30p for a Freddo can only mean one thing pic.twitter.com/YeHErrz8c2
— Caity👸🏻 (@thatgirlcaityy) January 13, 2017
#YouKnowYoureBritish when the entire country has a meltdown over the fact it's now 30p for a Freddo
— Brandon Cotton (@brandooncotton) January 13, 2017
I'm not an expert, but it seems wrong to me that any government should care more about citizens having access to guns than to healthcare.
— James Martin (@Pundamentalism) January 14, 2017
ineke.co.uk 
Anything to add...?