ineke.co.uk

I like having conversations with kids. Grownups never ask me what my third favorite reptile is.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) March 28, 2017

Me: Harry Potter can use magic to fix his glasses.

6-year-old: Why doesn't he use magic to fix his eyes?

Me: *questions everything I know*

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 10, 2017

This is still going on. Prayers. https://t.co/ygviN3IU3J

— Drew (@drewdyck) July 19, 2017

ICYMI: Will Smith Will Play Genie in Live-Action Aladdin, Plus More Cast News: https://t.co/JibF0Qp7Kw ✨ #D23Expo pic.twitter.com/FEkwRDVw94

— Disney (@Disney) July 15, 2017

This is SHOCKING.

I'm on my own schedule on days off, not anyone else's.

This type of attitude could negatively impact #mentalhealth https://t.co/ZjcOoVuFiH

— Emma-Louise Renton (@relatablemissr) July 18, 2017

WEATHER UPDATE: grey, damp and humid. Like a hippo in a steam room.

— innocent drinks (@innocent) July 19, 2017

My new toothbrush links to an app on my phone after I've just cleaned my teeth which tells me I've just cleaned my teeth. Invaluable.

— Simon Blackwell (@simonblackwell) July 19, 2017

If you're not having the best Wednesday so far, just be thankful that at least you don't work in the BBC payroll department. #BBCpay

— innocent drinks (@innocent) July 19, 2017

Quick reminder that Ant & Dec earned £29.5m last year. https://t.co/zuDZvxwdnD https://t.co/gmr97OgI8y

— Greg Jenner (@greg_jenner) July 19, 2017

honestly last night someone asked me if crabs think we walk sideways n a havent stopped thinkin about it since

— nina (@ninagilbert7) July 16, 2017

A tweet that has aged very well. https://t.co/Tz3svrOj4U

— Danny Webster (@danny_webster) July 21, 2017

See Kate calm Princess Charlotte’s tarmac tantrum as they wrap up their European tour https://t.co/Ia9HKBzrxN pic.twitter.com/VUiopM2JwQ

— People (@people) July 21, 2017

TODAY'S THOUGHT: Selfridges doesn't actually sell fridges.

— Dave (@davechannel) July 21, 2017

Helmer inadvertently creates my new favourite show about a time travelling golden retriever protecting the universe from harm. https://t.co/U6W492Raap

— Tom Jamieson (@jamiesont) July 21, 2017

Andrea Leadsom is saddened to hear of Jane Austen's death at the age of 242, and has cancelled her meeting with Emily Bronte out of respect.

— King Charles III (parody) (@Charles_HRH) July 20, 2017

Our monarch does not stumble. #elbowgate

— MrsTooth (@DebbieTooth) July 20, 2017

We are currently moving all our Jane Austen stock from Classics into Greatest Living Authors. Thanks Andrea Leadsom for the heads up.

— Waterstones (@Waterstones) July 20, 2017

Appeal for help: footage of a suspect wanted for questioning in relation to the theft of the inspector's glove!!Do you know them? 😊 pic.twitter.com/pxPywfntGP

— BTP Dog Section (@BTPDogs) July 20, 2017

I've still never seen a fidget spinner in person. So I guess I've made all the correct life choices?

— Anna Kendrick (@AnnaKendrick47) July 19, 2017

BBC exec should really know that we get exactly the same for BBC breakfast. I have another job on Football Focus https://t.co/zcTvaiocqX

— Dan Walker (@mrdanwalker) July 19, 2017

The Duke and Duchess are delighted to share a new official portrait of Prince George to mark HRH's 4th birthday tomorrow 🎈 pic.twitter.com/Fct5iaoEer

— The Prince and Princess of Wales (@KensingtonRoyal) July 21, 2017

Rats have independent nostrils and smell in stereo

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) July 22, 2017

Up to 95% of East Asians don’t have the gene for smelly armpits whereas 98% of Europeans do.

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) July 22, 2017

Dick Van Dyke has apologised for the “most atrocious cockney accent in the history of cinema” https://t.co/QMZ94JmUPP

— Jeremy Vine (@theJeremyVine) July 22, 2017

Your essential guide to today's Daily Mail front page by @DMReporter https://t.co/Hks9STaZ27 pic.twitter.com/BvF5M07rPM

— The Poke (@ThePoke) July 21, 2017

I feel like every time a Trump employee quits, Oompa Loompas should appear & sing a song to teach us about the perils of gluttony & greed.

— Frankie Zelnick (@phranqueigh) July 21, 2017

Nobody told you to stop. pic.twitter.com/MOqxVR5SzY

— Dick King-Smith HQ (@DickKingSmith) July 21, 2017

I am obsessed with the name of this spider killing spray I just bought. pic.twitter.com/EVhWWK5GGn

— Alana Massey (@AlanaMassey) July 17, 2017