Reasons why Ted from HIMYM is a bit rubbish.
helo darkness my old friend
why are u here its 4pm— jomny sun (@jonnysun) December 11, 2016
Please watch this important video of a Leeds car park after kicking out time at the @OfficialSteps gig. pic.twitter.com/CiJM301Wio
— Pete Allison (@Pete_Allison) November 22, 2017
Wish they did Black Friday on petrol
— James Knowles (@96jamesknowles) November 22, 2017
News has reached the park that there are reductions on bread at Asda today.#BlackFriday pic.twitter.com/vnzuZndPjh
— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) November 24, 2017
Some of the responses đŁđ https://t.co/XpIGuQf4PN
— Dan Walker (@mrdanwalker) November 25, 2017
BBC just called to say we are PROBABLY going to be named social media personality of the year but we would have to agree to an interview and a major photo shoot. We said probably is no good and took a pass. Thanks anyway!
— GiveBlood NHS đ (@GiveBloodNHS) November 25, 2017
Iâm sure Kay Burley didnât intend to mislead, but this is a useful reminder that even trusted news sources arenât always right about ongoing incidents. Well done to @BTP and @metpoliceuk for investigating the situation so quickly. https://t.co/lRCwQWSrd5
— Larry the Cat (@Number10cat) November 24, 2017
Don't forget…https://t.co/dObKv4FCEL (Via @barryfromwat) pic.twitter.com/3eJ8U6oXa5
— The Poke (@ThePoke) November 24, 2017
Can't remember a cartoon that better nails Brexit https://t.co/FXwCC6dp0R pic.twitter.com/q3fgaqoZ0b
— The Poke (@ThePoke) November 24, 2017
I don't understand the #BlackFriday hype. Jesus saves everyday!
— Jesus Tweets You (@JesusTweetsYou) November 24, 2017
Why are #BlackFriday prices like Jesus on Good Friday?
Because they rise again on Sunday.
— Jesus Tweets You (@JesusTweetsYou) November 24, 2017
Of almost 4,000 mammals in the Berlin Zoo in 1939, only 91 survived the bombings of the Second World War.
— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) November 24, 2017
I am old enough to prefer Early-Closing Wednesday to Black Friday.
— Richard Osman (@richardosman) November 24, 2017
Cereal Sauce pic.twitter.com/CrgQaAUoL2
— Correct Names (@CorrectNames) November 25, 2017
Siri, put in a reminder to tweet "COMING OUT OF MY CAGE AND I'VE BEEN BONGING JUST FINE" when the scaffolding comes off Big Ben
— Marie Le Conte (@youngvulgarian) November 23, 2017
Black Friday is good though as it pushes all the companies that you keep meaning to unsubscribe from right to the top of your inbox.
Goodbye Europcar!
— Greg James (@gregjames) November 23, 2017
Treat anxiety like the flu. Or arthritis. Respect it, do what you need to do to feel better, but don't define yourself by it. Exist beside it. Exist despite it. Exist inside or outside it. Keep living through the storm. Keep remembering the sun is there even when it's invisible.
— Matt Haig (@matthaig1) November 23, 2017
A giant seal tried to raid a shop in Ireland and went viral https://t.co/NHPgLmrhIT pic.twitter.com/jqESDzhhXZ
— The Independent (@Independent) November 23, 2017
Budget: First-time homebuyers won't have to pay stamp duty on first ÂŁ300k, in great news for Londoners looking to replace their garden shed.
— HaveIGotNewsForYou (@haveigotnews) November 23, 2017
I hate my jobâ day. pic.twitter.com/YefAnn0mGw
— You Had One Job (@_youhadonejob1) November 22, 2017
Happy Thanksgiving to all you Americans out there. Be thankful. Lock yourself out of your apartment with hilarious consequences. Get your head stuck inside a turkey. Invite Brad Pitt round for lunch. Realise your entire knowledge of Thanksgiving is based on episodes of Friends.
— innocent drinks (@innocent) November 23, 2017
When did we start doing November Fool? đł pic.twitter.com/DgVMnBdCqD
— Dan Walker (@mrdanwalker) November 23, 2017
He could have said âour countryâ, but went for âyour countryâ. Stop and think for a moment about that. https://t.co/XD6lzyVbEw
— Jay Foreman (@jayforeman) November 23, 2017
this photo just keeps getting better the longer you look at it pic.twitter.com/Fff15285i1
— Kat Angus (@katangus) November 21, 2017
In 2013, nine babies born in the UK were named Cheese.
— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) November 22, 2017
A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools. DOUGLAS ADAMS
— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) November 21, 2017
I am CRYING. The Weather Channel set up for a live shot of the Georgia Dome being imploded, and at the perfectly wrong time … this happened (via @ajc): pic.twitter.com/LA0cXpC7oX
— Brett Taylor (@Brett_A_Taylor) November 20, 2017
In Washington DC, the Slovakian and Slovenian embassies meet once a month to exchange wrongly addressed mail.
— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) November 21, 2017
đĽ Take a look at some of the moments The Queen and The Duke of Edinburgh have shared together over the last 70 years. pic.twitter.com/KRozbU5MKm
— The Royal Family (@RoyalFamily) November 20, 2017
Man in pub who has been mansplaining sexual harassment to me. Tells me me necklace gives me a certain Je ne sais quoi
Him:Do you know what je ne sais quoi means?
Me:I donât know what.
Him:Iâll tell you. Itâs a certain extra special something. I donât know the literal translation— Maud Dromgoole (@mauddromgoole) November 18, 2017
Eton College was founded to provide free schooling for poor boys.
— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) November 19, 2017
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View this post on Instagram#wednesdaywisdom ⨠. . . #helenmirren #madametussauds #motivation #quotes
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ineke.co.uk 
Anything to add...?