ineke.co.uk

cc @HKPorterBEDT @UpsideNowMusic pic.twitter.com/wxXhhWiK7Q

— Jon Ball (Tidmouth) (@YCbuilder_Jon) November 13, 2017

France used to be the same time zone as the UK until Nazi occupation, and they never changed back!

— Jay Foreman (@jayforeman) November 14, 2017

I've just realised, alas too late, that if you put "iPhone X" at the end of a text to your boss, it looks like you're sending him a kiss. Awkward.

— Martin Saunders (@martinsaunders) November 15, 2017

Let's see:

Average house price in London:
1996: £79,000
2016: £488,908 (518% increase)

Londoner's average wage:
1999: £22,487
2016: £36,302 (47% increase)

Average deposit today: £96,000

Price of meal deal: £3
260 days X 3 = £780
Years to save for deposit by not eating: 123 https://t.co/S3b3T7xZ9d

— Olly Newport (@OllyNewport) November 14, 2017

I know this is just a Top Tip in the new Viz but this might genuinely change my life pic.twitter.com/zFMSvIIqAl

— Charlie ✨ (@charliesardines) November 14, 2017

Your kids are going to do things they shouldn’t. It helps if you married someone with a sense of humour. pic.twitter.com/VVTstejBJO

— Eric Massicotte (@DrMassicotte) November 14, 2017

Leonardo Da Vinci portrait of Christ sells for record $450.3 million in New York auction #greggs pic.twitter.com/nZPZD6Scjc

— thomas (@BeardedDumbass) November 16, 2017

A group of starfish is called a galaxy.

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) November 18, 2017

A piece of advice I once had. Life often makes you choose between proving you’re right about something, or being happy. Choose being happy.

— Richard Osman (@richardosman) November 18, 2017

We can put a man on the moon but can’t invent a hotel room key that doesn’t stop working when you put it next to a mobile phone…😳

— Joe McFadden (@mrjoemcfadden) November 18, 2017

Cartoon logic. pic.twitter.com/CeBYLeAELU

— You Had One Job (@_youhadonejob1) November 17, 2017

You had one job! pic.twitter.com/l6VSeMJOdi

— You Had One Job (@_youhadonejob1) November 18, 2017

“How was town?”
“Absolute chaos”

Repeat until 2018

— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) November 18, 2017

[Woman from Coach uses First Class bathroom]

Man: "This bathroom is for First Class only."

Woman: "I am First Class. My God don't make second class."

[mic drop]🔥🔥🔥

(I think I just got a new sermon.)

— Shane Claiborne (@ShaneClaiborne) November 18, 2017

Hey Ellen, I fixed this for you. pic.twitter.com/x1fbl0PDGi

— Dave Gorman (@DaveGorman) November 11, 2017

Here’s the thing with #Strictly assessment dissonance: Judges look at bottom half, camera looks at top half.

— Richard Coles (@RevRichardColes) November 11, 2017

“Remember when Donald Trump was President?” is a thing I’m really looking forward to saying.

— Richard Osman (@richardosman) November 12, 2017

The President of the United States of America 👍 https://t.co/kLHYKhHrSo

— Chris Stark (@Chris_Stark) November 12, 2017

I want the news to become trivial again. I want a panda to have a baby. I don't want this.https://t.co/L19ACDxPtl

— Matt Haig (@matthaig1) November 11, 2017

This is perfect pic.twitter.com/EN7BZInEeP

— jim mellon (@jimmhk) November 12, 2017

There is a 12% chance that a game of Monopoly will go on indefinitely.

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) November 12, 2017

Angel of the Morph…@AmazingMorph pic.twitter.com/jXMs6AOVnb

— Northern Soul (@Northern_Soul_) November 11, 2017

Accents in Britain change noticeably every 25 miles.

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) November 13, 2017

“Is anyone else cold?” – Translation: We appear to be working in a fridge

— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) November 13, 2017

Imagine if every single member of a company – from the CEO to the cleaner – was treated with exactly the same respect and reverence. Imagine if the value of being human overrode all other values.

— Matt Haig (@matthaig1) November 13, 2017

Imagine signing a player called Mambo and not giving him the number 5 shirt. Poor form from Ebbsfleet United. pic.twitter.com/ZFjVGlXRIV

— Joe (@RedAndWhite11) November 11, 2017

Stop everything – DOGS IN EARS! 💛 @TheMontyDog's Nigel and Nellie have their ears on 🐶

Get yours ➡ https://t.co/DHjbgnNu1Y #CiN pic.twitter.com/YRzC92n4d3

— BBC Children in Need (@BBCCiN) November 16, 2017

I can't see this working… https://t.co/NuuApCLG4P

— Dave Gorman (@DaveGorman) November 13, 2017

Wow. What a major sacrifice, a pair of old shoes signed. Better to pay the VAT on your airplane and pay taxes in the country you represent. https://t.co/S5uWgb5i5U

— Paul Lewis (@paullewismoney) November 18, 2017