ineke.co.uk

In this modern age of beep boop machines, do teachers still check your attendance by reading all your names in alphabetical order? Pity if not. It’s a nice morning ritual. Like the opening credits to a school day. But with the added drama of absences.

— Jay Foreman (@jayforeman) June 2, 2018

Baby blue whales put on around 4kgs an hour until they’re 8 months old.

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) June 2, 2018

Everything about this story is SO London pic.twitter.com/gGt9tjxqrE

— Jeremy Vine (@theJeremyVine) June 2, 2018

The only joke I've been peddling out every Trafalgar Day since 2015.

Not many people know that Nelson was 5' 6" in real life.

His statue in Trafalgar Square is 17'4"

That's a Horatio of around 3:1 https://t.co/xCBAD609jS

— Kate E. Jamieson ⛰ (@kateejamieson) June 1, 2018

If you're allergic to house cats then you're probably also allergic to lions.

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) June 2, 2018

Nigel Farage: "I never said it would be a beneficial thing for us to leave".

That's it. The end. The admission of defeat. Brexit has been conceded to be a failure before it's even begun by its chief cheerleader.

Just cancel it quickly before we do any more damage.

— Hughster (@hughster) June 1, 2018

When you think you've caught a fish but it's yet another labrador, it's time to put up a sign. pic.twitter.com/Z3gKWKwZ7h

— Graeme Cole (@elocemearg) June 2, 2018

I like to draw invisible things pic.twitter.com/ciltoFuXxG

— Dr. Pizza (@andyjpizza) June 2, 2018

Only just seen who won the #BGTFinal but the fact that the final two were a guy with Asperger’s Syndrome and a guy with Cerebral Palsy who were judged on their talents not their disabilities makes me feel better about the UK than I have in a long time.

— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) June 3, 2018

Hey science, help me and my son out in 280 characters. If you, hypothetically, dug a hole all the way through the Earth, and then fell down that hole, when would you stop falling, and why?

— Richard Osman (@richardosman) June 3, 2018

Jeremy Hunt becomes longest-serving Health Secretary since NHS was founded, notching up 2,100 days in the job – which, coincidentally, is now also the average waiting time for an operation.

— Have I Got News For You (@haveigotnews) June 4, 2018

Love Island starts tonight, but if we wanted to watch a bunch of desperate people stranded on an island arguing with each other, we’d just watch the Brexit negotiations.

— Dave (@davechannel) June 4, 2018

This is Biscuit. He’s a volunteer for the National Trust in Northern Ireland. Biscuit is ‘Staff Morale Officer’. pic.twitter.com/VmqFmThx4x

— SimonNRicketts (@SimonNRicketts) June 4, 2018

But I don’t understand. Boris Johnson said he’d lie down in front of the bulldozers rather than allow a third runway. It’s almost as if he’s not a man of his word. pic.twitter.com/TnV4A8kOJT

— David Schneider (@davidschneider) June 5, 2018

Six weeks is exactly 10 x 9 x 8 x 7 x 6 x 5 x 4 x 3 x 2 x 1 seconds.

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) June 5, 2018

I turn hotdog water into ice cubes for guests that I don't like pic.twitter.com/YOOrBaNTaB

— Angela Brisk (@AngelaBrisk) March 9, 2018

Diamond is one of the hardest known substances, but diamonds will shatter if hit with a hammer. Hardness is only the measure of how difficult a material is to scratch, toughness is how resistant it is to breaking or fracturing.

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) June 6, 2018

Top tip; always, always, always have a back-up book with you, whether it's on the back seat of the car, in a large coat pocket, in a rucksack or whatever. You never know when you may get locked out of your house by accident (I know. It's now)

— Waterstones Swansea (@swanseastones) June 5, 2018

"Please ride at a speed where you can easily stop if a person walking happens to step out."
Is there any car which does this, on any road, anywhere?https://t.co/iJXRJlOgpZ pic.twitter.com/sAgfy9TM0M

— Jeremy Vine (@theJeremyVine) June 5, 2018

I don’t think any of us wanted to define it as a hiatus. It wasn’t planned, just sort of happened for one reason or another. Sorry if it’s not been clear but there’s nothing happening right now and we’re all working separately on different things. Not split up. 👌🏻 https://t.co/EecHA2oi3C

— Tom Fletcher (@TomFletcher) June 6, 2018

If Hitler’s father hadn’t changed his surname in 1877, the Third Reich would have been led by Adolf Schicklgruber.

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) June 7, 2018

Alligators can live up to 100 years, which is why there's an increased chance that they will see you later.

— Pundamentalism (@Pundamentalism) June 7, 2018

Paragraph 1: ok
Paragraph 2: ok
Paragraph 3: wait
Paragraph 4: OH
Paragraph 5: *airplane flies overhead with a banner reading WELCOME TO HELL MOM* pic.twitter.com/ppV45htrda

— Stu (@RandBallsStu) June 5, 2018

“Donald, for the last time, let them have the chair – they’re just trying to clear the room, it’s not a game of musical chairs. You can’t ‘win’.” pic.twitter.com/FE5tuM7yE4

— Pundamentalism (@Pundamentalism) June 9, 2018

Best one I’ve seen tbf pic.twitter.com/aOgOrkCovQ

— Greg James (@gregjames) June 9, 2018

Top tip. @TwopTwips pic.twitter.com/XiOoaE4kJY

— Nick Banbury (@nbanbury) June 8, 2018

ABBA’s ‘Gold’ has been in the top 75 album chart for 22 years. pic.twitter.com/P6nH7Sf2Sp

— Richard Osman (@richardosman) June 8, 2018

While it’s nice to see great churches getting media attention it’s also amusing how the mainstream media seem to think any church that is doing ok and growing is so rare that it’s immediately a news story. It’s not! https://t.co/fQuSaR1mcU

— Sam Hailes ن (@samhailes) June 8, 2018

England U21's win Toulon Tournament… Linesmen are rewarded with a baking tray each pic.twitter.com/MhFwEFgKeb

— bob mortimer (@RealBobMortimer) June 9, 2018