The Bible. As told by “The Office.”
Mr Greedy is almost as complex as Of Mice And Men.
WEATHER PEOPLE: if this time last year we had the Beast from the East, can we call this freakishly warm weather the Guest from the West?
— Bryony Gordon (@bryony_gordon) February 23, 2019
A flag map of Europe but each flag is determined by which country they share the shortest land border with pic.twitter.com/idIRaokylG
— Terrible Maps (@TerribleMaps) February 24, 2019
He has been waiting for this moment his whole life. pic.twitter.com/cP3Xg83OJv
— Mr. Drinks On Me (@Mr_DrinksOnMe) February 23, 2019
Because we all need this 😭❤️
Retweet ❤️ pic.twitter.com/CsZM3OZUjw
— StanceGrounded (@_SJPeace_) February 23, 2019
I'm not one for politically charged social commentary but this is important. 🔊 pic.twitter.com/QPoKIlbiaD
— Paul Bronks (@SlenderSherbet) February 22, 2019
As @Theresa_May arrives in Brussels with 37 days till Brexit, we’re here to welcome her with this giant billboard in the Place de Brouckère in the city centre. What do you call a Prime Minister whose only policy is something she thinks is *against* the national interest? pic.twitter.com/QFTHK68Ils
— Led By Donkeys (@ByDonkeys) February 20, 2019
— alien skier 👽👽👽 (@ClichedOut) February 23, 2019
One is never alone with a rubber duck. DOUGLAS ADAMS
— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) February 24, 2019
BREAKING: Maurizio Sarri receives words of encouragement from fellow leader with no control over team. pic.twitter.com/uKm0oyji1z
— Have I Got News For You (@haveigotnews) February 24, 2019
Maybe this is a silly question but…the new live action Lion King isn't actually live action…..is it?
— Sharon Hodde Miller (@SHoddeMiller) February 25, 2019
As great as they look, I’m pretty sure they didn’t invent the colour mauve (which actually looks pink to me) https://t.co/raD5USUidf
— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) February 25, 2019
Friendly reminder that Paul Rudd is 49 years old pic.twitter.com/F0N4qDNEZl
— BuzzFeed (@BuzzFeed) February 25, 2019
Confirm email* pic.twitter.com/fcphN5FHIy
— You Had One Job (@_youhadonejob1) February 25, 2019
Last November, Olivia Colman was asked – amid her busy schedule – to do the audiobook for the Truth Pixie. Her ‘people’ said it was next to impossible, timing wise. But Olivia liked the book and really wanted to do it so she went and recorded it on her one day off. Like her. pic.twitter.com/g01eolLRoG
— Matt Haig (@matthaig1) February 25, 2019
It has come to my attention that Theresa May just uttered the word “Simples” in the House of Commons. That should lead to an automatic vote of no confidence.
— Larry the Cat (@Number10cat) February 26, 2019
UK: Watch me trash international reputation with a series of ridiculous political happenings
USA: Hold my beer
UK: Hold MY beer
USA: Hold MY beer
UK: Hold MY beer
USA: Hold MY beer
UK: Hold MY beer
USA: Hold MY beer
UK: Hold MY beer…#Brexit #Cohen— Larry the Cat (@Number10cat) February 27, 2019
Cultural update: first shop I saw after getting off the plane was a Pret. I’m currently in an Uber (#MILLENNIAL) And the driver is listening to…Green Day. #HongKong
— Sam Hailes ن (@samhailes) February 28, 2019
Farewell, André Previn. He played all the right notes, and usually in the right order. What a life. All those Oscars, awards and achievements and yet most of my generation will always think of him as Andre Preview, conducting Eric Morecambe. He probably wouldn't mind…
— Stephen Fry (@stephenfry) February 28, 2019
McDonald’s is now just Argos for burgers pic.twitter.com/sxfr68W9Ix
— Greg James (@gregjames) March 1, 2019
IT'S 2°C NOW. IT'S 18°C LATER. TODAY YOU NEED:
Big coat
Shorts
Scarf
Sunglasses
Skis
Flip flops
Umbrella
SPF 30
Central heating
Air con
Sledge
Beach towel
Snow shovel
Bucket and spade
Roaring fire
BBQ
Snow plough
Ice cream van
And at least nineteen pockets to carry it all— innocent drinks (@innocent) February 26, 2019
16°C in June:
"Might stick my jumper on"16°C in February:
"Might take my shirt off"— innocent drinks (@innocent) February 27, 2019
PREDICTIONS FOR MARCH
1. Daffodils will be everywhere
2. Cherry blossoms will blossom
3. It might be BBQ season
4. It might be monsoon season
5. It might snow
6. It will be too warm if you take a jacket
7. It will be too cold if you don't
8. There will be pancakes— innocent drinks (@innocent) March 1, 2019
I once dreamt the PERFECT episode of ‘The Bill’, woke up at 3am, remembered the lot, whole story, big twist, spent ages writing the whole thing down. In the morning I excitedly reached for my pad, and it said
“A man throws a brick through a window. But it is a DIFFERENT man.”
— Richard Osman (@richardosman) February 27, 2019
The Baby-Sitter's Club is coming to Netflix. My god, what an amazing day today is.
— Nicole Cameli (@nicolecameli) February 28, 2019
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