ineke.co.uk

Perfect Timing.

If you enjoy @_youhadonejob1 and my other accounts help support them with a coffee on Ko-fi. Thank you. https://t.co/b4trWEb40n

— You Had One Job (@_youhadonejob1) April 6, 2019

Drove a boat around Lake Windermere today. You’d think that would be the highlight, but then I saw an actual chicken crossing a road. The only sadness is that I wasn’t able to stop and ask her why.

— Martin Saunders 🤦🏻‍♂️ (@martinsaunders) April 6, 2019

Chicken head stabilization pic.twitter.com/I1ROb1lmL6

— Nature is Amazing ☘️ (@AMAZlNGNATURE) April 5, 2019

No biggie but I just captured a @Channel4 ident in downtown Tokyo pic.twitter.com/0nvcX5cxep

— James Herring (@itsjamesherring) April 7, 2019

The "Why is it always Oxford and Cambridge in the final of the boat race" joke is always funny and worth doing every year. When I worked in Picadilly Circus I would say "It's like Picadilly Circus out there!" for 10 years. I was very popular and did not leave "under a cloud."

— Graeme Swanson (@swansonian) April 7, 2019

There’s something about the way this is filmed and the tone that makes it look like it’s a shit cable tv ad about having an accident at work. https://t.co/qSxtfSBBRJ

— Tiernan Douieb (@TiernanDouieb) April 7, 2019

Actually I prefer CBeebies Bedtime Stories. At least it’s not the stuff of nightmares. https://t.co/hOhV2rS8sA

— David Lammy (@DavidLammy) April 7, 2019

“Let me explain what’s happening with Brexit” pic.twitter.com/W92X0vW1WV

— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) April 7, 2019

pic.twitter.com/AvvweCZetd

— 📢 OfFiCIAL MoNstER rAVIng LOOnY PArTy 🎩 (@Official_MRLP) April 7, 2019

With Cambridge having won the boat race two years running, they only have to win it one more time for, in accordance with The Rules, the Oxform comma to be renamed the Cambridge comma. @BCDreyer, get your style guide ready.

— WaterstonesTCR (@WaterstonesTCR) April 7, 2019

Sunday is the best day of the week to take a day off and then sit in the evening feeling guilty about all the things you should have done whilst you do nothing.

— Dave (@davechannel) April 7, 2019

Why can’t you whippersnappers leave a YouTube comment without embellishing it with Internet Fluff?

When you like jam. ❌

I like jam tbh ❌

Why do I like jam?? ❌

Pretty sure I like jam. ❌
⁰For the record, I like jam. ❌

Nobody:⁰Me: I like jam. ❌

I like jam. ✅

— Jay Foreman (@jayforeman) April 7, 2019

Brexit so far has cost 66billion quid. We could have bought EVERYONE in the UK
7 massive trampolines
2 Golden Retrievers
1015 lottery tickets
EVERYONE COULD HAVE A GOLDEN RETRIEVER OR A TRAMPOLINE OR LOTTERY TICKETS OR ALL THREE WHAT ARE WE DOING

— TechnicallyRon (@TechnicallyRon) April 8, 2019

Although usually used to mean a countless number of things, ‘myriad’ technically means exactly 10,000.

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) April 8, 2019

Time flies when EU’re having fun… https://t.co/rqmERabrmX

— Larry the Cat (@Number10cat) April 8, 2019

EVERY COMPANY: We'd like to promote mental health in the workplace.

EMPLOYEES: How about hiring more people so we feel less pressured & increase our pay so we can keep up with the spiraling cost of living so we're not so stressed out.

EVERY COMPANY: No not like that. Try Yoga.

— Patrick 🤖 (@PatJD) March 20, 2019

This is the moment Theresa May and Angela Merkel shared a laugh over an iPad before EU leaders sat down for Brexit extension talks pic.twitter.com/G2YVEcyuh5

— Press Association (@PA) April 10, 2019

Been here for six hours now waiting for someone to take over pic.twitter.com/gI5OEA2cvR

— AlanMet 🍿 (@alan_met) April 9, 2019

2016:
“Let’s take back control”

2019:
“Let’s wait outside in the corridor while 27 other leaders decide our country’s fate”

— David Schneider (@davidschneider) April 10, 2019

ARGUMENTS BREXITERS NO LONGER MAKE:
£350m a week for NHS
Turkey about to join EU
Parliamentary sovereignty (MPs = traitors obvs)
Boost for economy
Global, prosperous Britain (now not likely for 50 years at least)

ONLY ARGUMENT THEY STILL MAKE:
Will of the people 3 years ago

— David Schneider (@davidschneider) April 10, 2019

This is just making me worry that I’ve left the hob on. https://t.co/dvbmyA7Ev9

— Richard Osman (@richardosman) April 10, 2019

Narrator in October: They wasted the time.https://t.co/dLpCdOxfDC

— Larry the Cat (@Number10cat) April 11, 2019

I wish all broadcasters would do this when politicians lie. https://t.co/kbDXGvcYOA

— Emma Kennedy (@EmmaKennedy) April 6, 2019

pic.twitter.com/ojCod3EVXU

— Rach ᚹ 💫 (@RachelW89) April 11, 2019

Brexiters: We hold all the cards!

Europe: ….We’re playing chess.

— Chris Addison (@mrchrisaddison) April 10, 2019

Brit 1: Hello, how are you?
Brit 2: Good thanks, you?
Brit 1: Not bad, thanks, you?

*Brit 1 immediately realises what they’ve done, dies a bit inside*

— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) April 11, 2019

Stranger Things
OITNB
Gladiators
Taggart
Poddington Peas
Home & Away
Holiday
The Raccoons (closing credits)
Round the Twist https://t.co/lwjqXQVaTz

— Netflix UK & Ireland (@NetflixUK) April 11, 2019

And that’s how you do it. https://t.co/ti1zLBG7RQ

— James Corden (@JKCorden) April 11, 2019

Why not combine the two great controversies of our time and simply refer the Brexit decision to VAR?

— simon delaney (@simondelaneytv) April 11, 2019

So, it's been a bit of a weird afternoon on social media for me and it's left me feeling two things, firstly a bit vulnerable and secondly like I want to explain some stuff. So, here goes:
A Thread: Please don't say to me "You look great, have you lost weight?'

— Kate Bottley (@revkatebottley) April 12, 2019

Metal straw in plastic packaging. pic.twitter.com/2AYaTgQTSt

— You Had One Job (@_youhadonejob1) April 13, 2019

Perfect example of #YouHadOneJob:

"PRESIDENT'S SPOKESMAN SAYS HE CAN'T SPEAK FOR THE PRESIDENT"

What else are they doing? @CNN @POTUS pic.twitter.com/ElcgxuCksF

— Jason Stiff (@JasonStiff) June 2, 2017

Have you ever noticed that all the instruments searching for intelligent life
are pointing away from Earth. pic.twitter.com/LNW8MKArws

— Ivan (@StarStuff_ivan) February 21, 2018

We know Florence Nightingale as a nurse… but did you know she was also a data pioneer? 👏pic.twitter.com/iKHPIeInjo

— BBC (@BBC) April 13, 2019

My sister just messaged me that she’d seen a Game of Thrones clip that quoted “Knowledge is Power”. She’d immediately responded “France is bacon” and laughed out loud because I once showed her this 2011 Reddit answer by Lard_Baron. pic.twitter.com/QfWl6YOtkz

— Polly (@Paper_Polly) April 12, 2019

Amazing thread. Brexit is the literal elephant in the room https://t.co/rhUo3RfMLy

— Greg Jenner (@greg_jenner) April 13, 2019